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Post by Kari Muffin on Mar 2, 2008 3:33:35 GMT -5
He whimpered and shooks his head. He tried to bat away Javaid's hand but failed miserably. The only thing he could do was cry and cough. His past decided to catch up with him. He had always been terrified of being alone, and then he had always been terrified of being with people. He couldn't find that balance.
He just wanted his family back. He wanted things the way they were before. He just wanted a happily family without the blood, without the stupid mistakes, without the pain. He had destroyed so many lives with the use of a single knife.
Nothing was going to fix it. Not even someone who was worried about him. Why was he worried? If he had know what had happened he wouldn't be so kind. No one would forgive him for his sins. His mistakes.
"Just make it go away," he whispered as he choked on his tears.
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Post by Vyn on Mar 2, 2008 10:47:41 GMT -5
Javaid shifted as the boy bat at his hand, fretting inwardly at the way the boy's tears made him cough harder and harder. By the suits, the boy was going to make himself worse!
The Jackal opened his mouth to speak more times than he'd realized before submitting into worried silence. He failed at moments like these, this just made it painfully clear on top of everything else. The boy was suffering about something and he could think of nothing to say, or do, to make it better. Absently he drew closer to the boy and placed his hand on his shoulder, stroking him gently and doing his best to be comforting.
"Make what go away, Conway?" His quiet voice was soft and full of concern. He wished there were something, anything, he could do to make Conway feel better. "Just tell me and I'll do what I can."
If only he knew what was going on inside the boy's head, then it might not be so awkward attempting to console him. What had triggered the tears in the first place?
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Post by Kari Muffin on Mar 2, 2008 12:19:19 GMT -5
"Everything," Conway whimpered as he covered his face. Why was he being touched? Was Javaid trying to make him feel better? It just... it just made things so much worse. He tried to shrug off the hand but gave up. Sulking in his hands was good enough.
"I don't want to remember anything. I just want this stupid thing to end. I made so many mistakes... I can't fix anything," the young man was muttering. He hardly realized what he was saying, but Javaid could hear every word. If it made sense to him, well that was a bonus. None of Conway's thoughts were in order, and nothing made sense at the present.
He just felt so awful. His face was starting to hurt, along with his back. He was falling apart slowly. Another whimper escaped him as he shifted his weight to lay on his stomach. He struggled to blink away the tears.
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Post by Vyn on Mar 3, 2008 9:10:56 GMT -5
The boy's tears had most definitely thrown Javaid off and for all of his attempts to help, he now felt sorely out of place. What should he do? What could he do? So he simply left his hand on the boy's shoulder and gently stroked him as he tried to find ways to soothe the younger male's tearful distress.
"Mistakes happen, and there's oft not much you can do to mix them, aside from learning from them." His hand moved up slightly, rubbing the boy's shoulders and neck; absently finding pressure points in hopes of at least relieving some tension being bunched there. "It'll be alright."
The jackal had to wonder if it was the illness that was making him fret like this, or a truly guilty conscience. If it was the later, then the male had obviously already learned from his mistakes as far as Javaid was concerned.
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Post by Kari Muffin on Mar 3, 2008 11:11:28 GMT -5
"No it won't be alright! It'll never be right! I destroyed people's lives!" He screamed into the pillow so it was only muffled words. He was an idiot. A stupid idiot who had destroyed an entire family because someone paid him. He had needed the money for June's bills, and there was no other way for him to get it in time. And he killed someone important. That couldn't be made better just because he was guilty over it.
Oh this was just pointless. His body shuddered with sobs before he forced himself to stop crying. It was just making the coughing worse. If he bottled it up inside, it would be a lot easier to deal with being sick now. He could break down later. Later it wouldn't hurt as much and Javaid wouldn't be staring at him. Conway wasn't convinced that he could learn from such a mistake.
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Post by Vyn on Mar 3, 2008 13:48:17 GMT -5
Javaid twitched, both silently thankful that the intensity of the boy's screams had been muffled by the pillow and worrying about how it must have torn at his throat. What could have possibly happened to create such mental anguish in the boy? He seemed too young to have experienced something as drastic as he said and yet Javaid was not the one to place such judgments.
I the boy said he had done something terrible, then Javaid would believe him even if he didn't want to.
"I'm sorry, I hadn't realized..." Had he come here to get away from something before this illness struck? Or was this just a dark spot in his past that he couldn't escape? "If you ever need someone to talk to, I'd be happy to listen."
Javaid enjoyed Conway's presence in the temple. It gave him something to tend to and made him feel considerably more useful than usual. A surprising fact indeed, because he wasn't used to caring about his usefulness in the first place.
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Post by Kari Muffin on Mar 3, 2008 14:21:56 GMT -5
"If I tell you the truth, you'll hate me," Conway said while biting back his tears. He wanted to tell someone what he did but... he couldn't. He just couldn't say the words out loud to anyone. He shuddered at the thought.
"I can't say it. I can't say it," He shook his head weakly. He coughed a bit more, but not as bad as all the other times. Struggling a bit he managed to take a few deep breaths. Everything would be fine. He just needed to calm down and stop thinking about all the stupid things he had done.
He was a murder. A murder who had killed the Queen of Hearts and blamed it on his father, who rightly deserved it, but he had still killed the Queen of Hearts. A man with a family who effected so many people's lives. Conway dug his nails into his palms. He was a monster, wasn't he?
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Post by Vyn on Mar 3, 2008 16:13:30 GMT -5
Hate him? Poor boy... Was he that troubled?
There was honestly very little in the world that could have made Javaid hate Conway and he truly hoped the boy had done none of the few great crimes that would warrant it. As disconnected from the world outside and, especially, the politics included with it.
"I doubt that, m'boy. Whatever it is you've done, I wouldn't dream of holding it against you. Much less hating you. Regardless though, I don't want to push you. If you want me to shut up, just say so."
Javaid had found a comfortable position on the bed beside Conway that didn't make his back protest all too much -the chair really had not been a good choice of sleeping places- and he settled there for the time being. When Conway was less distraught, Javaid would get him some tea to help his throat and his various other aches and pains, but until then he'd remain close at hand.
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Post by Kari Muffin on Mar 3, 2008 18:40:24 GMT -5
Could he risk it? Could he say it out loud? No... no he couldn't say it. He couldn't admit that he was murder to someone's face. He winced involuntarily. His palms were bleeding form his grip on them, but he hardly noticed as he moved slightly too look a Javaid.
"You'd never forgive me, no one would," he said quietly, not avoiding the man's eyes. No one could forgive him for such a thing, and in the state he was in... he couldn't survive without help. This helpless thing was a nightmare. He could only hope that Javaid wouldn't find out the truth in some other way. Why had he even opened his mouth in the first place.
He whimpered. Very suddenly he was aware of the aches and pains. When had they become so bad? He squeezed his eyes shut and bit his lip for a moment to prevent himself from flying into another coughing fit.
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Post by Vyn on Mar 3, 2008 22:04:46 GMT -5
Javaid wanted desperately to console the boy but already he was growing to learn just how awkward touch seemed to be and even Javaid was aware that his skill with words was ...well, lacking.
Luckily, Conway's whimper and his sudden tension gave Javaid something so much easier to focus on. The pain was coming back, or just overpowering the mild pain relievers in the herbal mix he had crafted. Frowning he turned to the teapot and quickly poured a cup. Once more he propped Conway up, helping him with the tea before allowing him to return to the bed again. Only this time he became aware of the damage he'd done to his own hands.
"Oh, Conway... Your hands are bleeding." Thoughtlessly he caught the human male's hands in his own, holding them up so he could see. Had he done that to himself? Releasing the boy's hands, Javaid turned to fetch the wash cloth he'd used to occasionally dab the sweat from the male's face and rinsed it in the cool water of the pot beside him before returning to face Conway. "May I?"
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