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Post by /|/afamere on May 8, 2011 15:33:05 GMT -5
Thanks everyone. Know this though... if she does have my child... She will not be apart of its life. I'll get full custady and raise it with love and compassion and nothing like how she would want to raise it.
thats if...
thanks all.
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Post by Nako on May 8, 2011 15:50:09 GMT -5
I got my phone on so I can hear it. Feel free to call.
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Post by Satra on May 8, 2011 16:32:35 GMT -5
I really hate to break it to you, but don't depend on the court serving justice 100% of the time. Sure, you may know the truth, but what happens when a liar gets all of her little liar friends to spout the same story to the judge? Not only that, but let's assume she doesn't miscarry: if she doesn't quit putting harmful things into her system, it very likely the child will turn out abnormal to the point of needing very expensive special requirements to live. Hopefully it said abnormalities won't be painful for the infant to even be alive. There are so many birth defects that can occur, and, yes, a good number of them can cause just being alive to be painful. Don't mean to be cruel, just playing the devil's advocate with some facts here. That's what you might be up against. What would you do then? Think about it. I hope you never actually have to make those choices, 'cuz it ain't going to be easy.
EDIT: This will be the last I will say on this. Just always remember: your pain also means the pain of your friends. In your next relationship, LISTEN TO THEM. True, they're only human and not always right, but they also don't want to see you get hurt. When they see a red flag, they WANT TO LET YOU KNOW to WARN YOU, not because they don't want to see you happy. This is the worst kind of 'I told you so' one can get. I say this because I've had friends who've gone through similar situations and it is so frustrating to watch a friend go through this. I honestly can't even describe it. Looking out for someone you care about, telling them they're in danger, and then having all of that thrown back in your face as if you're the enemy. THEN to add insult to injury, your friend goes through exactly what you warned them about. Be more careful, alright? Remember that if your friends are truly good friends, they're not worth antagonizing.
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Post by /|/afamere on May 9, 2011 15:18:52 GMT -5
You all are right...
I took her back... we got into another fight and I dropped her off at her house with everything that she owns and what I have gotten her.
My family: "Leave her" My friends: "Leave her" My Mother: "Follow your heart" My friend: "Follow your heart" Here: "leave her"
>.<
My heart: "Work it out" My gut: "Run away!" My head: "Can't make up its own mind..."
I hate this I really do. I love her and she claims to love me... I want to be with her... but I think our worst issue was is that we had moved to fast too quickly. I wish that she was with me... and at the same time I wish I had never met her.
thanks all... I'll try to figure this out...
Satra, your right... I shouldn't have put my friends, my good friends, through this. I shouldn't have posted this here... it only has caused everyone pain (To read it and to worry),
I'm sorry...
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Post by carcinoGeneticist on May 9, 2011 15:21:11 GMT -5
When it comes to a battle between your heart and your gut, always go with your gut. Gut instinct is the thing that protects us. Our heart might just tell us to go ahead and pet that adorable kitty. <<;
And what Satra is saying isn't that you should feel bad for posting this or telling your friends what's going on, she's saying you should listen to your friends because they're looking out for your best interested and they don't like to see you hurt yourself because you aren't listening to them.
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Post by /|/afamere on May 9, 2011 15:23:12 GMT -5
lol true Xenon... I am just really out of it right now... and to think... I have mid-terms today and tomorrow...
>.<
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Post by carcinoGeneticist on May 9, 2011 15:27:50 GMT -5
I do know what you're going through. I had to go through a similar thing recently, and it's taking some time but my heart is slowly coming around to the idea of being single, and it didn't take long at all for my head to agree with my gut. It's hard. But you need to look at it logically - people don't really change, not in a profound way. Generally if they are going to change it'll be at the beginning of the relationship, and they'll change for the better. There's a whole long psychology to it that I don't wanna get into, but if this is her change for the better you need to consider what things will (rationally) look like down the road.
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Post by /|/afamere on May 9, 2011 15:33:05 GMT -5
Thanks Xenon once again, ^_^.
You have given me some sliver of hope for this, though if it doesn't change and it doesn't show soon then I guess that I can figure out on my own that I don't need to be with her, that there are many more people out there that would be a whole lot better for me. I know this now, but at this moment I want to be with her... I really do, but I can't stand what she does to me and those around me.
if things change for the better, then it could work out, if it doesn't... then its over between the two of us.
Thanks everyone
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Post by /|/afamere on May 9, 2011 15:34:18 GMT -5
lol sorry for the double posting...
>.< I need more things to do... I have already cleaned house, washed the car inside and out and rewired my speakers once again so that it is better.
Lol I need more threads, ^_^
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Post by Callypso on May 9, 2011 16:53:21 GMT -5
Nafa, I'm really, really sorry you're going through a hard time and I wish a speedy emotional recovery for you.
I wanted to add/correct (if I may) what Satra commented on regarding custody...
Custody laws vary from state to state, but rarely will a Court offer 100% custody to a single parent. It is generally seen that a child benefits most from having both parents, and even in cases where there's significant evidence that one of the parents may be considered "unfit" to raise a child, a Court will still award visitation rights (sometimes supervised).
Custody or division thereof isn't determined through simple "hearsay", either. While a Court may consider the testimony of friends or family members (more often than not an attorney will collect "Declarations" of individuals, and these are all signed under penalty of perjury - thus some serious consequences if declarations are found fraudulent), there are other ways to determine how custody should be split. These can include everything from psychological screening, in-home evaluations, interviews with the parties, review of the parties' histories (work, criminal records, incidences of violence), etc. to determine the best situation for the child.
Of course, all of that may be moot if she's not actually pregnant or ends up miscarrying. Regardless, division of custody is not a simple matter and a Court takes into consideration a whole slew of facts to determine what's in the best interest of the child.
Sorry to spew a lot of "legalese" in your face, I just wanted to give you some pointers in case that situation does arise. There's some helpful websites out there a la Google, but of course, should you find yourself having a custody battle, I would highly recommend retaining an attorney, as they are trained in these matters.
Again, I'm really, really sorry you're going through all this. I, too, have been in a couple situations where I've had to say "goodbye" to really toxic people in my life. It's a burden I don't wish on anyone because it's so painful when you've linked yourself with another person and then you're forced to detach for your own sanity and well-being.
If you need to talk, feel free to shoot me a message. <3
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