They Just Like to See You Fall [Jenn] [FIN]

[Lucca]

No. No, no, NO! Everything had been going so well, too, and then she had to go and RUIN it. Just like always. With a small, stifled sob, the teenaged Leveret collapsed to the ground, shaking, among the remains of the plate she'd been carrying. Her only consolation was that she had been carrying food for herself instead of for one of the Does, or, White Rabbit forbid, her father-Jack. Still, she had failed to do her duty correctly, and now the flood of the hall was a mess.

She closed her eyes, tears leaking out, as she felt the familiar stinging on her back. She knew without having to look that the cuts there were beginning to bleed, and she let them. She deserved this, after all. She needed to amend for this terrible sin, to bleed all the shame out until she was again worthy to raise her head.

She didn't even pause to remember or care that this was the second time today she was bleeding herself, or that last time she had nearly passed out...

[The Jenn]

Things had been so busy lately, it was almost difficult for Nayeli to catch up. There had been a string of meetings between Jacks, many of them resulting from the gathering that had taken place between their warrens. Many trades had taken place as a result of that event. Does were exchanged, Leverets were swapped, and a general shuffling had occurred. One of her daughters now lived with a Hisstor Jack in the deserts of the Wastes... not that she had ever gotten to know the girl very well. It wasn't a Doe's place to become familiar with her children, merely to bear them.

Nevertheless, she had noted the absence of certain Leverets. Darling Bianca was no longer around to tend to her, a fact that saddened her, and there was in general a reduction in servants made disproportionate by an increase in Does. Each of them had to take care of a few more things themselves now. And that Golfam Doe... she made Eli uneasy. It was almost a feeling of inadequacy, what with the young lady's impeccable manners and delicate way of attracting attention. It was off putting.

Occupied by her thoughts, only the smell of fresh blood in the hallway brought her attention back to the present. She'd been going towards the door for a bit of fresh air and paused, nose raised and quivering as she sniffed. Her head turned slowly and sighted down the hall, where she saw a mess and a small Leveret form huddled. There was only one other Mid-Ranger in the warren right now.

Bleeding...

Oh dear. Had she ever spoken to the young girl about her cut? She must have at some point, or at least she'd told the other Leverets so that they could care for the girl properly. She'd had to watch over the pair so rarely... maybe she'd never had 'the talk'. That was an awful lot of blood. Did she even know how to control it?

"Excuse me," she murmured, quiet voice louder in the general stillness of the warren at this time of day. "You... excuse me?"

[Lucca]

She often lost track of time while she was bleeding herself. It was just...something that happened. She would go into a sort of trance, meditating on her sins, and attone for them the best way she knew how. Sometimes she blacked out, and woke up in her room or with one of the other Leverets fussing over her. None of them really understood. Honor just wasn't important to them.

She didn't know how long it had been, therefore, when through the red haze and the tears, she heard a soft voice. Blinking open dull eyes, she tried to move, to acknowledge whoever it was...but she was light-headed and stumbled when she tried to get up. So she settled for flopping on her stomach again and just moving her head.

Was that...a Doe? Oh dear. She saw a large, blurry shape...seeming rather grey but that could be the blood loss talking. She licked her lips, trying to rid them of the coppery taste. The taste of failure. "Y-yes?" One ear raised weakly. "Do you need anything?" She was a Doe after all, and even if this was a ridiculous question, since it was obvious the little Leveret couldn't GET her anything even if she did...it was habit. It was her duty.

[The Jenn]

Oh goodness, that looked difficult. And unpleasant. The young thing couldn't even stand. Hesitantly, wary of the blood and yet used to it in a way, Nayeli approached. She stepped around any wayward puddles and spatters that she could see. That little ear was just pathetically sad. What had happened to upset the girl so much, to make her feel such guilt? It wasn't a normal cut. It had to be the Mid-Range mark.

She opened her mouth, but the words took a second in coming. "N- no. No, I'm fine. Thank you. But you, you really don't look fine. What could possibly be so wrong with the world that you need to bleed yourself out this long? Calm down. Take a few breaths. We can talk this out." She had never seen someone bleed themselves to death, but she had heard about it happening. All Mid-Rangers heard about it eventually, especially if their father-Jack was of the realm. Jacks gave very good, very effective warnings. As a little Leveret, she had been taught her place, been taught right from wrong, and slowly built up a tolerance to her own stupidity.

And yet she had allowed this little Leveret child of hers to go without an explanation or any coaching, despite her knowledge of the girl's region. A tiny bit of red began to pool around the edges of the cuts on her paws. That was most certainly guilt. It should have occurred to her and she should have brought the matter up with darling Leon. He certainly wouldn't have minded her spending time with their offspring if it would ensure their health.

[Lucca]

Mythiril tensed slightly as the Doe approached without speaking. Was she going to admonish her for her wrongdoing? For getting red all over the floor? She opened her mouth to apologize and explain that as soon as she had the strength she would clean up the mess when Nayeli finally spoke. Widened eyes displayed the young Rabbit's surprise. That sounded almost like...the other Rabbit understood honor. But that was impossible, unless...she squinted a bit, trying to see the unfocused form in front of her better. Now that she was closer, Myth noticed that her eyes had not been deciving her. There was grey fur, and a black mane, and a bit of red near the paws...

"...Mother?" A weak, surprised voice. Myth hadn't really ever seen a lot of her Mother-Doe, who had usually left her and her sister in the care of Leverets. Their nursemaids were competent in most things, and tried their best to explain everything, but no one could really understand the plight of a Mid-Ranger unless they were one.

Shaking her head and making a valiant effort to stand, Myth looked up at the Doe she now recognized. "I..." she hesitated. "I'm sorry you had to...see this. I'm just...such a faliure. I'm always messing stuff up. I try and I try and nothing seems to get better!" The sting of tears prickled the corners of her eyes again, and she ducked her head, ashamed of her weakness. Ashamed of who she was. Her Mother-Doe must be horribly dissaspointed in her. "This..." She glanced down at the puddles of blood. "This is the only way I know how to make things right. I need to bleed out my shame and my failure. Until I get it right. Then and then only will I be able to stand with honor and...and call myself a good Leveret." She was sure the other would understand. She was Mid-Range too. Myth's eyes strayed to the cuts on Nayeli's paws.

[The Jenn]

The word was so strange, like it should be attributed to someone else. Her own mother-Doe, for example. That wasn't the case right now. She smiled a slightly nervous smile and tried to avoid as much of the blood as she could. Her own cuts were noticeably red, though not overflowing. She had learned control in order to survive. Apparently this child had not. She had to do something about that.

"Oh no, don't try to stand. Don't..." She trailed off for a moment as she watched the little thing crumple into a small puddle of her own blood. Oh, that was a distressing sight. She sucked in a breath and tried to keep smiling. "You're still young. It's harder when you're young. Honor seems almost impossible to reach, especially with all of the obstacles in your way, the clumsy paws and everything else. You still have to learn how to do so many things. But learning is honorable, and trying is honorable. You don't always have to make it better, so long as you keep trying."

This was quite a severe case, wasn't it? She'd fought with low self-esteem for most of her life and had often lost, but rarely in so bloody a fashion. "Being ashamed isn't the only way to make things right, dear. It's quite normal to feel that way, and if you weren't concerned about your honor then you wouldn't be upholding the standards of your realm. But you are. So long as honor stays at the forefront of your mind, and fulfilling your obligations to the best of your abilities, you will be a good Leveret."

[Lucca]

Myth listened, her slightly-unfocused gaze meeting the eyes of her Mother. Her wise Mother-Doe, a fellow Mid-Ranger. She wanted with all her little heart to believe what she was being told, to believe that what she was experiencing was normal, that all her efforts were not in vain...part of her rebelled against it. Recoiled from the idea that trying was itself the means to an end. How then could she ever better herself, how then could she know when she was worthy of her title, of being wanted, needed, traded into a Warren that valued her?

"But..." she found herself saying, her voice meek and confused and...needy. She needed validation, now more than ever. Needed someone to tell her the words her Mother-Doe was speaking. "What if the best of my abilities isn't good enough?" She glanced over at her splilled tray, the pieces of the plate she'd broken. "I dropped it. I'm so clumsy sometimes...some Jacks have killed for less." She lowered her eyes in shame, but...for the first time, she actually...fought to control the bleeding. Maybe it was better to bleed only a little now, so that she'd have more strength to actually right the wrong she'd done...maybe? She didn't know anymore. Her fragile little world was suddenly breaking and reforming around her, and she didn't know yet what shape it would take. "Sapphira never had these problems. She's wanted. No Jack would ever want...someone like me." It was obvious by her expression that she wasn't just being contrary. She honestly believed the words she was saying. She'd always admired her sister.

[The Jenn]

Nayeli's gaze followed her daughters to the mess on the floor, shards of plate mingling with the bloody spatters of the girl's excessive bleeding. It was a mess. "All younglings are clumsy. It's part of growing into an adult. I remember what it was like as a young Leveret. The mess can be cleaned up, but you can't if you lose too much blood. That's what my father-Jack told me once. It is embarrassing to make a mess and, yes, some Jacks might kill for less. But we are blessed with a good warren, an understanding Jack, and the ability to try again. You will serve him far better by calming down, cleaning up the mess, and trying again than you will by remaining ashamed."

Coming to Leon's warren had been the best thing that ever happened to her. He was the best thing to enter her life. Someday the girl would understand, surely. She had only to find the right Jack. "Sapphira is a lovely girl and she inherited your father's stocky good looks, but she's gone now and you remain. You have a bright future ahead of you. The right Jack will come along and be interested in having you serve him, a delicate little thing like you. No Selkie can claim the same light build. You look very much like I did when I was your age." Except for all the blood. Goodness.

[Lucca]

Myth's eyes remained closed as she listened to the words, but from the expression on her face, it seemed they were getting through to her...in a way tutting Leveret nurses and well-meaning but ignorant Leveret guardians never could. It was true, though she felt she was clumsier than the average child, but then again she'd met very few others, excepting her sister. Regardless, it was...it was like the confirmation of something she'd always known, in a way. That if she bled herself too much, there was no going back. There was no getting up and trying again. In her darkest hour, she'd almost wanted that...longed for the oblivion and a death that part of her felt would finally bring more honor than her miserable failure of a life. But that was far from her mind now.

Her ears drooped just slightly as her Mother-Doe spoke of her sister. For a moment it really did sound like she was prouder of her other child, but then...really? A bright future and a Jack that wanted to be served by her? It was more than she had dared to dream of, and yet what really caused her amazement was the last statement Nayeli spoke. Her eyes opened, finally, and gazed up at the Doe in astonishment.

" I...really?" With a bit of effort, she managed to concentrate and see Nayeli more clearly. Oh...she was pretty. And she was very loyal and loving to her Jack, of that Mythiril knew. If her Mother could start off like her...all clumsy and worthless...and grow into that...perhaps there was hope for her yet? With a grunt of effort, she finally managed to stand, though it made her head spin. " I need to...lie down...then...then..." She'd make this work yet! She'd make them all proud of her and show she could do her duty.

[The Jenn]

"Oh yes, I was just a little Leveret once. But even then, I knew that if I served my Jack and fulfilled his every wish, someday things would be perfect." Yes, Nayeli was a terribly idealistic optimist and she had a very simple view of the world. She had just been lucky enough to find a Jack that didn't take advantage of that beyond what she was able to give. Maybe someday that wouldn't be the case, but so far as she was concerned, things would be they way they were for her... forever.

This child still had to find her place. Alarmed at the effort it took for her to stand, the Doe tentatively stepped forward and leaned one foreleg against the girl. "Let's go to my room, shall we? You can lay down there." She would be able to wash the blood off of her leg, and surely there was an old blanket that the Leveret could bleed on without much consequence. She just had to get her somewhere that wasn't the hallway, and then go find another Leveret who would know more about making the child comfortable and cleaning up the blood.

...but that was silly. She could take care of all that herself. She had been a Leveret once. It had just been a little while.