I Thought You Died Alone, Long Long Ago [Closed]

[FlyingPanther]

Silvanus felt the pressure of Ophelia upon him, and there was a part of him that calmed even more. How long it had been since he had even recieved a hug from anyone. He had barred himself away, being eatten away by his compiled guilt one day at a time. He hadn't even gone to see Dymphna in some time, only writing her letters when the inspiration came to him. But even that was rare, he had cut himself off from nearly everyone. He sighed lightly as his now more bony face lay in Ophelia's hands. His good hand reached up to touch it slightly. It felt good to just feel someone. Someone who wasn't about to kill you.

He noded slightly at her words, though his eyes clearly said he was reluctant. How could he tell her his darkest secret? He hadn't told anyone. The only one who knew at this point...was his own brother, who up until more recently, had always thought to be dead. How could he tell a secret so deep, he hadn't breathed a word of it in over 20 some years? How could he tell it without her sending him packing? Surely she would hate him completely for what he had done. She would never forgive him. Who would? It was horrific what he had done...and he still hadn't forgiven himself for the monsterous thing he had done. His brother had been right tonight, at the end of the story...no matter how horrible his brother was...Silvanus would always be the real monster.

"My disappearence isn't the beginning...." he said softly, dropping his hand from hers. "But...I will let you know about that first..." the way he spoke let the deer know he was finally calm enough to talk, though he looked pained. His arm hurt...and he honestly didn't really know where to start with the story. He didn't really want to start.

Silvanus let her lead him to wherever she wanted to place him, as he began, "I have more guilt then you could possibly poke a stick at. I couldn't deal with it all...so I just shut myself away." he said sighing heavily, "I tried to make things right at first...I tried to be a father for our children...for Astyana's. In the end though, I realized I was no good, I only seemed to make things worse...going over to Astyana's was awkward, and Igal would shoo me out whenever he had the chance. After talking with you about the whole thing...I thought you didn't really want to see me anymore..." he shyed away a bit...afraid he was going to be hit again. "I know I left you with a heavy burden all to yourself. I'm sorry..." there was not much more he could say on that...he could overtalk and just make things worse himself then he already had made them. He was genuninely sorry. He wasn't ready for the responcibility of being a father, but knew that neglecting it meant that more work was put on his friends. Work that they would resent him for. He sighed, his eyebrows furrowing deeply. It had just meant to be a fun night with Ophelia...and instead it had turn into something quite different, that now pulled them apart. "I'm so sorry..."

[Vyn]

Ophelia felt a flood of pure relief wash over her in response to Silvanus's quiet voice, distressed still but calmer now. She listened intently to his every word, nodding occasionally and frowning from time to time. There was a quiet sense of knowing she had probably involved herself in something she shouldn't, but Silvanus was her friend nevertheless. At a time, she'd even hoped for more.

Throughout the conversation, Ophelia urged him to sit once more and began to tend to his arm. It was definitely broken, she could feel the faults and his cringing groans only made it more evident. Alas, lacking a true medical knowledge, Ophelia could only set basic splints and hope that she could contact a proper doctor come morning.

All that was truly left was getting him into the bath though his words halted her before she could take that next step.

"You're a fool, Silvanus." She spoke softly, working to splint his arm as she did. "We all make horrible mistakes, Silv. I betrayed my own father, ran away when he needed me most. How can I hate you for making similar mistakes?" The doe finished tying the bandages, studying them quietly before looking back up into his eyes. Her expression was sad, but not angry. How could he assume that she didn't want him around. "You left me with no burden. Your children were as absent as you were and for those that stayed in my company, Maxwell treated them like their own.

I don't need any more apologies."

[FlyingPanther]

Silvanus paused as his friend tended to his arm. It was amazing how effortlessly his brother tossed it aside...and how easily he had broken it. Granted the male deer was lanky...and not nearly as strong looking as he used to be, but it still took a good amount of force to break the bones of one in their prime. He winced from time to time, but otherwise kept his arm still as she put a splint on it. He blushed a bit at his words. He was a bit of an idiot, he knew this. It was the only way he was ever able to do some of the more regretible things in his life. He was not inately vicious or evil. He just made a lot of really stupid choices that would now end his life. He sighed. "I still feel horrible about leaving you alone...even if I thought you didn't want me around...I still should have tried...to make things work." he rubbed the top of his matted mane with a sigh, moving down to his neck to scratch at it. His signature nervous tick. "I should have been there instead of Maxwell..."

He looked at her eyes...so sad. His expression matched her own. He wanted to continue to appologize...he wanted to beg for forgiveness...but there was time for that later. When her expression would no longer be sorrowful...but disgusted. Oh how he wished he could shield her further from what he was going to tell her next. He didn't want that expression to come across her features. He wanted to know that he would still have a friend in her after this. But he knew that was impossible. How could he possibly tell her...

"I'm afraid to tell you what horrible thing haunts my past. I'm afraid to tell you my secret. But if I'm going to die...If he's really going to kill me...and potentially even you if he finds me here...I suppose I have to. I owe it to you to let you know. I won't blame you.....if you want nothing to do with me after this...you...can...send me away if you'd like..." his blue eyes looked at her own green ones...wishing that this wouldn't be the end of their friendship...the only one which he would feel comfortible devulging such secrets...the only one he would go to in times like these....

Who would he go to now? If she hated him...

[Vyn]

A strange look flickered briefly through Ophelia's green orbs, something more -- or at least different -- from her current sorrow. Bitter amusement, perhaps. The way he said he should have been there instead of Maxwell... She almost wanted to believe his words, to believe he had -- even fleetingly -- wanted something more than their friendship.

That was a thought for a different time, however.

He was full of self-hate and guilt and fear right now, she would save her own turmoil for later.

"I'm not broken that easily, Silv. This big bad monster will get a shock if he intends to break into my home." The serpentine doe lashed her tail for emphasis, her eyes briefly fierce before her expression grew solemn once more. "I won't kick you out, Silvanus. You're hurt and you've obviously got no where else to go, I couldn't forgive myself if I just...abandoned you."

Yet that was what he'd done to her, wasn't it?

She sighed and turned her back on him, focusing on drawing up a warm bath as she waited for him to speak.

[FlyingPanther]

"Even if that's true, I don't want you hurt because of me. I deserve it..." he said looking down at his arm and running his hand along the bandages. "I know I do...I just...I'm just afraid.....I don't want to die, Ophelia..." he said with realization. God what had he done to his brother? How could he have ever done such a horrible thing? He really did deserve whatever his brother decided to dish out. But he didn't want to die. No matter how badly he deserved to be killed. But why? What did he have worth living for at this point? He abandoned his friends just has he had done with his brother so many years ago. Though Silvanus had come here to Ophelia in search of help, he knew she was upset with him. She had to be...and it could only get worse.

"I deserve what's coming to me..." he said again, watching the snake-like female fill the bath full of water. "In a way...it'll be a bit of a relief to tell you...it's a hard secret to keep to myself..." The thundering of the water started to lull him to sleep, his eyes still sad...but now half lidded. "I'm tired...tired of all the guilt..."

[Vyn]

Ophelia sighed, finding it hard to stay angry at the distraught male. Did he know just how sad and foolish he really seemed? Yes, probably. Slowly she moved toward him again, sliding her arms around him and easing him toward the bath.

"Then let it go, Silv. Tell me..." They were at the bath now and, with a motherly touch, she urged him into the water before sliding in behind him. Here she could more easily work at getting the stench out of his fur and the tangles out of his mane. "If you truly deserve what's coming, then you're on the right track. Recognizing what you did wrong is always a good first step. And, if I'm really in danger, I deserve to know whether or not I should fight to keep you safe." Ophelia had no qualms with allowing justice to take it's course. She would more than willingly stand back for a time and let him take the punishment he was due, but even then she wouldn't allow him to be killed. "So tell me, Silv, tell me everything."

Slowly she began to play water over his lean form as she worked to scrub the dirt from his coat. A long time ago, this might have run down a sensual line for them -- the suits knew that Ophelia enjoyed a good romp in the tub -- but years of raising children gave her a more controlled, motherly hand.

[FlyingPanther]

Silvanus tenced slightly as he was motheringly put into the bath. There was to many triggers for several memories. The time his mother left him in the tub, to come in the sorry state she came back in. The time he and Ophelia had been intimate in the tub together. There was just to many regretible things associated with the bathing tool, "It's a wonder that I haven't turned into a shower man..." he said offhandedly and out of context, mostly to himself, quieter then he had been before. Of course the memory of their time together lingered in his mind as she got in the tub. He grew even tencer still...but the way she rubbed at his coat, his matted hair, calmed him down again.

He wanted to lean back and lay upon her. She was reminding him of his mother, and oh how desperately he wanted to be in his mother's arms again. She hadn't forgiven him either. He sighed, and with an extremely heavy heart continued, "It was my birthday...I don't remember what age I was turning. Only that my mother and I had plans for the day, and that I was very excited. Then that morning came, but one of the neighborhood officers....Brady....I think that was his name, he came to the door, said we couldn't go out. Apparently He was in town...Do you know about Him?" he asked turning his head ever so slightly. He seemed so old in that moment, tired, drained, lost.

He was in a sorry state, his fur was shedding like the water was desolving it from his skin, it was a wonder he wasn't bald with how much hair was coming out of him.

[Vyn]

Ophelia quietly worried over her old friend, taking in how much he'd changed and how much he was changing still.

Would she ever see the charming buck she'd met in the Capital all those years ago again? The truth was one she didn't want to face quite yet. So she continued to wash and scrub and dote, cleaning away the grime he'd allowed himself to pick up. Occasionally she would stop and adjust his arm, quietly warning not to wet it so as not to disrupt his pained tale.

When he turned to her, she frowned and shook her head lightly. "Him? No... I'm afraid I don't. Who is He? ...Or would you rather just stick to the story?"

Her hands found his mane now, aware that this would probably take the most work. There were so many tangles... Luckily, she had thought to bring a brush to the edge of the tub before climbing in with Silv.

[FlyingPanther]

Silvanus moved his arm when she told him to, not truly paying much attention to it, which is probably why she would have to tell him to do it more then once. The hair continued to fall from his skin, to the point where it was beginning to cloud the water with it's green, blue, and creme hued hairs. He sighed a little. How did he allow himself to get to this point. He was so weak...dirty. He supposed there were worst things to come now though.

Still looking at her, he continued, "There was a big hullabaloo about Him when I was a kid. I only found out later, that apparently He was a Card that had gone entirely feral, not a drop of sentient in Him. He was extremely agressive, to the point where He stopped hunting regular game and started killing other Cards for their meat. He didn't have the markings of a cannibal...so many think that His cannibalism made him go crazy. Still others believed that He was actually part rabbit...but...I don't believe that at all....I don't know what I believe. All I know is that He was real..." he moved his head to look back in front of him. He sighed a little.

He didn't want to go on...he didn't want to tell the rest. He hadn't thought about the events that created Adam in th first place in a long time. They were just...to upsetting. His sholder's drooped, and for a moment he looked more like he was 80 then the age he actually was. "My mother and I stayed inside. I was bummed...but my mother was determinded to do something to turn around the day. She left the house without telling Brady, so that he could stay to guard me inside the house incase He came. She put me in a tub..." he said stopping the flow of his story as he looked at the tub they were both situated in. He didn't speak for a moment. He wasn't sure he could even continue. Everything was just...to similar to that night. He grabbed a bar of soap absently, and began scrubbing himself with his good hand. It was almost as if he was in a trance...like he was back in the moment again.

"She didn't come back for a long time..."

[Vyn]

Ophelia listened with a deepening frown and growing concern that had nothing to do with actual fear for this monster of a man. Ophelia was far from being afraid of Him but she worried for what the past had held and what had been done to the poor male all those years ago.

Or, as his story progressed, the more logical concern was what had become of those dear to him.

"Go on, Silvanus... What happened?"

Her voice was soft, gentle, like encouraging her children to divulge one of their nightmares to her. Luckily, she didn't let herself think about it too much or she'd start to feel far too old...again.

As he spoke, she gathered up the brush and began to slowly work the kinks and snags out of his hair. It would take a good deal of time to get out the majority of the knots, thanks to constantly having to remind him not to dip his wounded arm in the water or the general pauses which came from listening to his story.