[FIN] Sometimes I Wish [Callypso]

[Lucca]

Aberforth immediately frowned. "Assistance? From who?" He'd managed to work past his lack of faith in humanity to trust this one doctor, but that definitely didn't clear some other schmuck he'd never met from giving falsified information. Who knew how shady this guy was? A 'toxins expert' meant he was probably just as apt to poison others as heal them, the Goat thought suspiciously. As long as he wasn't asked to ingest anything mixed by this quack...

It was in an almost sulky mood that the Goat shifted to get more comfortable on the table (as if such a thing were possible...he wished he had a bed to lie in and at least if he died in his sleep he'd be through with all this) as Iso ran upstairs. The look he gave her when she came back down could have curdled fresh milk, but it was somewhat nullified in its effect by the fact that it was followed by a grimace and a slight moan. The world is back to spinning again just because he raised his head too much. So he lowered it again and closed his eyes. He had to trust her, and he also had to trust her......associate.

"...I suppose so," he said, curling his hooves beneath him in a vain attempt to get more comfortable. "Sorry for showing up like this. I just didn't know where else to go. And sorry for not trusting you." He really didn't want to be talking, as it just made his head hurt more, but the world was getting more and more fuzzy as the moments went by, and talking was a distraction that kept him grounded. "I just don't generally like other people, you know?" He half opened one eye.

[Callypso]

((Ahh.. Abby's so cute and paranoid!! Sorry for such long posts... apparently I'm inspired!))

Iso began preparation for sterilization with an industrious washing of paws. Drying her damp extremities with a towel, she almost moseyed, her gait slow and dawdling as she made her way back over to her patient. The idling pace was to make sure she kept upright. Rushing up and down the stairwell had been a rather big mistake. She had participated in the very thing she had been trying to prevent her patient from doing – elevating her heart rate. Cardiovascular muscles were amazing, just push the body hard and the heart does what it can to pump oxygen everywhere. Though in both the ferret and goat’s cases, this meant faster propulsion of unnatural chemicals throughout the body. Oops.

The mismatched lamps in the unfinished laboratory were starting to get fuzzy around the edges. She had never noticed before, but the amalgamation of lamps, tables and bookshelves was really quite stunning. Sure, the working conditions weren’t up to par with what she desired, but the effect was quaint, in a way.

She breathed in slowly again. Focus. Clean injection site. Wait for messenger. Adhere to instructions. Stay conscious.

Actually, staying conscious wasn’t the difficult part- it was staying on task. Oh, right. Cleaning.

I’m just going to clean the area, Aberforth. Make sure it doesn’t get infected. She peered at the tiny perforation with the additional light from her tail (which was beginning to fade), making sure she had removed all foreign objects, then proceeded to gently swab the area with gauze soaked with alcohol. Her mind drifted unpleasantly to the unknown hygiene of the Tulgey’s assailant – she wondered if the needle had even been sterilized? Ugh. She made a face then recalled the odd look Abeforth had given her when she had walked back down the stairs. Oh right, he had asked a question, hadn’t he?

The message I sent was to a doctor Leonardo Aster. He’s remarkable with toxins. I trust him to identify the source of your ailment.

She finished cleansing the area, discarded any used materials and placed all the other instruments in the tub with disinfectant. Iso hovered in front of the Club, not wanting to sit for fear of losing concentration and was surprised at his self-disclosure.

Dr. Aster can get a bit excited with his work, to be sure, but you won’t have to see him. And he will help me. If he values his reputation at all, she thought to herself. Her brows furrowed pondering the reason for his distrust. I can understand some hesitation around Corvies. Some of my colleagues have… questionable ethics. I take my Hippocratic oath more seriously than most of my Realm, so please rest assured nothing will happen to you while I’m the leading physician.

Iso paused, realizing she had spoken quite a bit more than either of them were used to, then shrugged it off. She might not be able to help what escaped her mouth soon, and really, what harm could it do? A little chit-chat with a loopy patient wasn’t going to harm anybody anyway. A sigh left her lips as she considered his other statement. I’m not agreeable to most socialization, either, to be honest. It’s uncomfortable most of the time. She shifted awkwardly, feeling a little embarrassed. It’s just easier to be detached. I-

A loud bang bang interrupted her words and she looked upward recognizing the source of the sound. Relief swelled in her chest and a small smile twisted her lips – she was afraid Aster wouldn’t get back to her in time.

Must be the messenger! I’ll be right back.

[Lucca]

He had to repeat the mantra once or twice more to himself to not react to Iso touching him--only once or twice! He was finally getting this! Otherwise, he couldn't really have said what happened in the next few minutes, until he heard her voice, and his ears twitched back, straining to comprehend the words. Ah yes...this mysterious other doctor. The fact that he had a name and was 'remarkable with toxins' did little to dissuade Aberforth's worries.

But...as long as Iso was prepared to double check his work...then perhaps it would be all right. After all, he trusted her. No...no that couldn't be right...he didn't trust ANYone. "It's not just Corvies I mistrust," he snorted, with a dramatic roll of his eyes (really, he was just trying to see her better without moving his head too much). He didn't trust anyone. Not anymore. He would be a fool to even trust Iso, and a worse fool to trust her 'friend' Dr. Aster on her word alone. Why, if he could think straight, he wouldn't even be here right now! Wouldn't he?

Aberforth groaned lowly as his thoughts continued to run in confusing circles. But then...pink eyes stared at the Ferret's retreating back. What she'd just said...it sounded...it sounded actually logical. Like a view of the world that made sense. The world was a horrible, horrible place and all the Cards who populated it were worse. It seemed like...Iso understood that, too, to some extent. It struck him as odd for some reason...as he rarely met others as cynical and antisocial as he was. Maybe it was the drugs talking, or maybe he'd managed to put the idea in his own head, but in that moment Aberforth thought maybe Iso was really what she claimed to be.

[Callypso]

A curious expression slowly settled into Iso's face upon Aberforth's admission of mistrust of others. Not just Corvies? Slightly puzzled, Iso had paused to ruminate on that statement before offering her own explanation. Perhaps Aberforth had… reasons… like she had for not wanting company. The thought left a sour taste in her mouth. She rarely gave attention to why her life had been funneling its way toward solitude and she didn't think that right now, with a sick patient, was a good time to pursue those thought processes (it would never be a good time, if she could help it). Then she thought there would be little harm in sharing with a delusional goat and had been promptly interrupted by a knock at the front door.

She had thundered halfway up the stairs before remembering that increased activity did nothing to help her maintain the little sobriety she had left. Almost tripping as she slowed to a jog, she found herself leaning out the front doorway, eager (and anxious) face peering out into the darkness. The bedraggled feline sauntered slowly up the front steps and passed over an envelope and stoppered vial whose luminescent turquoise liquid sloshed within. Iso ripped open the envelope, scanned the documents and hastily shoved a few coppers at the messenger before slamming the door (and deadbolting) it in the startled man's face.

The doctor, forgetful again, thundered back down the stairs somewhat breathlessly and brandished the envelope at the prostrate goat. She positively beamed with excitement.

Outstanding news, Aberforth. Dr. Aster was able to identify the toxin. You were dosed with Tipsy Root – from the Gardens. It’s not fatal. He’s given me the Yarrow antidote. It will help with any vertigo or nausea, though he says any light-headedness or confusion can be expected for another 12 hours.

The Corvie playfully shook the vial at the Tulgey and then popped it open for him to consume. Instant relief flooded through her knowing her patient wouldn't die on the bench because of her own foolishness. By now the drug was spreading nicely and she let it consume her. Aberforth would be fine by morning. Oh.

I really recommend that you stay put overnight. She paused- did she still have that extra cot? It'd been so long since she had visitors... Regardless, he mustn't be running about half out of his mind. I really must insist. I would feel better knowing you were safe until the Tipsy Root has worn off.

Iso blinked recalling the goat's earlier words and proceeded to shuffle uncomfortably.

Will you trust me enough to have you stay?

[Lucca]

Aberforth grimaced as the Ferret seemed intent on making as much noise as possible running up and down the stairs and slamming the door. His ears pressed flat against the sides of his head in a vain attempt to block out the noise, which was doing nothing for his headache and dizziness. By the time she got back, he shot her the sternest, coldest look he could muster...but it was more like a cool breeze than a normal Solandrian chill. Whatever this was had weakened him, and the thought was quite...disheartening. Perhaps it was a fatal poison that was slowly killing him, allowing him to finally leave this miserable torture known as life and the antidote was...the antidote? The Goat blinked hazily at the vial in Iso's paw and tried to focus on what she was saying past the spinning of his head.

He'd been dosed with some sort of Yarrow toxin. Just wonderful. Probably only worked on males or some other such nonsense, knowing them. However, he still wasn't sure just how much he could trust this quack Aster and his antidote. He opened his mouth to tell Iso exactly what she could do with the vial if she thought he was allowing it near his mouth, but before he could say more than "You can't..." A wave of nausea hit and he had to grit his teeth to keep from losing anything else from his stomach that he wanted to stay in there, thank you very much, or he wouldn't have put it there in the first place!

When it finally passed, and the Goat realized he'd been groaning slightly in pain...he opened his eyes and saw, blurry and uncofused...something. Something pressed close to his mouth. Well, if it was there, he must have been going to drink it, right? He had opened his mouth and gulped the entire solution down when he remembered that he hadn't wanted to ingest such a thing, as it might just be even worse poison than this root!

He nearly coughed it back up, but then he thought that at this point there was enough in him to kill him anyway, if that had been the maker's intent. He bleated unhappily and then blinked seriously at the doctor. Now she was telling him he should stay overnight. His first, sudden impulse was to say no, to get up and leave this instant, and if he was going to die, well, he'd always known he was going to die alone anyway.

But he wasn't sure how well he'd be able to walk, and on the off chance he DIDN'T die he hardly wanted to be lying prone in an alley waiting for someone to come finish the job. That was a bit of a morbid death even for someone like him. Aberforth opened his mouth to say he really didn't have much of a choice...when Iso asked that question. Aberforth frowned. Through the fuzziness of his mind, he tried to seriously think about the answer to the question. He was silent for several long moments, but then...

"I trust you." It was...a shocking statement, coming from him. The drug must be affecting him worse than he'd thought. He should have left it there, he'd already said more than enough, but something compelled him to continue. "If I die, I want to be buried in Tulgey next to my...my...parents." He looked at Iso with as clear and serious a gaze as he could when he felt so odd. She needed to understand this. To Aberforth's alarm, though, he suddenly felt a strange sensation...like his eyes were burning! He knew it, it was that antidote! It had been poison and...and...

And Iso would plainly see that the Goat was...crying. For the first time in over ten years.

[Callypso]

Excitement overran the majority of Iso’s thoughts, causing her to completely misinterpret her patient’s cold gaze as further indication of his suffering. Well! She could certainly fix that, now, couldn’t she? Despite his protestations the ferret had jammed the vial up to the goat’s lips demanding that he drink. She peered down at the note Aster had scribbled.

Oh! Looks like there’s some aspirin in there, too. Dr. Aster seems to have thought of everything.

He better have, she thought to herself with satisfaction. If he had refused her help she easily could have had him discredited for that cardiovascular work. The two had reached a “professionals’ understanding” wherein Iso performed the duties Aster had been unfamiliar with in exchange for her silence and a future favor, should she need it. Iso had hoped to use Aster’s services only when she desperately needed it for her research, though she supposed a matter of life and death was adequate for the purpose as well.

Once Aberforth had downed the shimmering contents of the vial, Iso tossed plunk! the empty vessel into the disinfectant tub with the other used implements of the evening. She then turned to face him, recognizing that her question might have sounded odd… and the unpleasant surge of self-doubt surfaced. The last time the goat had visited her home they had… disagreed… Something about Aberforth’s demeanor had seemed simultaneously familiar and distant, confusing Iso to the point of insecurity. It was disconcerting for Iso to not know where she stood with another Card. Usually, it was ambivalence or mere annoyance - Aberforth was outside of either of those places where Iso allowed herself to feel.

“I trust you.”

Her breath caught in her chest. Those three words rang in her ears for far longer than they ought to have. Somehow, this seemed important to her. Someone believed in her.

Then he requested the site for his corpse.

Startled, she found Aberforth’s cold eyes – his countenance severe and stony.

You’re not going to die! Well, at least not right now, right here. She waved a paw dismissively then paused. But if he did, she would be sure to put that useless Dr. Aster to rest and resurrect him just to prove how worthless he was in medicinal society. Is the elixir not working? A paw reached for the thermometer amidst the other utensils undergoing sterilization – was that moisture…?

Tears? Red eyes… deeper inhalation to oxygenate the lungs… … Crying? Why was he crying?!

Her eyes widened. In her pre-med days working in the clinic, when a child would cry, Iso would usually slap a sucker in their maws and that would instantly quiet the most obnoxious of children. Somehow, she didn’t think a sugared treat would mend whatever was ailing the Tulgey. Oh, if that half-wit had made her patient worse, she would have his license!!

She gestured helplessly then instinctively grabbed for the goat’s hoof and gently squeezed it. She swayed in place, her balance (and reasoning) fairly impaired by this point. Her frantic, bloodshot eyes searched his face for possible symptoms.

Aberforth? What’s wrong??

[Lucca]

Aberforth shook his head, still trying to dispel the unpleasant burning sensation in his eyes, and expecting it to be followed any moment with seizures, heart failure, or other imminent signs of quick death. He trusted Iso, but she herself sounded unsure, or at least as near as his muddled mind could tell. After another few moments without much happening (but his eyes still burning in such an annoying way, and something or other blocking his throat and making his take in larger gulps of air than he might have) the Goat finally believed that maybe he wasn't dying. But then, what was wrong with him? Panicked, he looked at the Corvie, because if she didn't know, then there was no hope for him.

Foggy as he was, Aberforth stilled completely at the unexpected touch. He looked up to meet her eyes, but her image was blurry...but not from the lingering headache, from...his tongue came out and licked his cheek, tasting salt. Now, the Goat understood. He'd been...crying. It wasn't something he'd done in years. He honestly didn't think he had a single tear left to him after that horrible day when he'd shed so many fruitless ones...

A guarded expression quickly replaced the vulnerable one. Trust had its limits, even now. But yet...he didn't draw his hoof away. Couldn't, almost. He blinked back the stupid betraying liquid, and opened his mouth to tell Iso that he was just fine, and nothing was wrong, at least nothing that her stupid friend hadn't slipped into his drugs, but to his surprise as much as anyone else's, that wasn't what he said. "Everything." The tone was a bit harsh, and there was a flintiness in his eyes, still partially obscured by the fog of intoxication. He hadn't meant to say that, and to his ever-growing horror (at least if he'd been aware of what was going on), more words kept tumbling out.

"A better question is, what's NOT wrong? Life is wrong, the world is wrong, you're wrong and I'm wrong. You just can't trust anyone! No matter how nice they seem they'll turn on you when you least expect it, they'll stop at nothing for their own selfish desires, they'll even kill if it will get them whatever mortal vice they crave!" He had hit his stride now. He probably sounded completely insane but he barely cared right now. "Money, power, Rank, social standing, flesh...it's all the same in the end! And all meaningless. Just...everything....I..." He trailed off, swallowing, ducking his head so she wouldn't see he was somehow crying again. "But you're not like that." His voice was quiet now. "I can't...figure you out. Why you'd...help someone like me, and take nothing in return. That is a difficult thing for me to accept. To get something for nothing. It's not the way the world works."

[Callypso]

The initial perusal of her patient’s sudden altered state rendered nothing that she could immediately prescribe as medical in nature. He lay on the bench, glowering at her – for reasons completely beyond the doctor’s grasp. Iso paused considering the possibilities. It was true, for instance, that her professional decorum had been lax this evening, she had been more talkative and spent a good deal rushing about an already disoriented person. Her ears flattened against her head in shame. Behavior like that was certainly not sophisticated or helpful – was he disgusted with her terrible bedside manner? Was she betraying the very name of Price itself?!

Iso shook her head, more for herself than Aberforth. She would have laughed at the utter absurdity of her though processes if the atmosphere had not been so tense. Her eyes remained widened in panic and anxiety, continually scanning the white body to determine whether she had missed anything in her earlier assessment. Looking at all that white fur was difficult for the Corvie, and she found her eyes slipping away to look at other objects. Attention was hardly something she could currently excel at but her shame and genuine concern kept flooding her mind to free her from distraction. If only she hadn’t taken so many pills!

Finally, the Tulgey spoke. Iso’s nerves were severely taxed from the emotional transitions reflected in his eyes; from exposed and sensitive, to withdrawn, then to angry and frustrated. Her ears pressed backward again as she was barraged with upset, her mind whirling with moral ideology, social construction and basic Card nature. It was a lot for one person to absorb at once.

Iso didn’t consider politics or social stratification very often- she was busy with her own research and that was her entire world. Everything else was just… extraneous, superfluous and unnecessary outside projections of a world she had done her best to avoid. The Club’s final words, however, hammered her senses into self-awareness. She too, felt the pain of being ostracized by society – being part of something she felt she didn’t have any place in… didn’t deserve to be a part of. A shuddering breath escaped Iso’s lips as tears streamed freely down her cheeks. It was unusual for her to cry but the shock of what she was feeling startled her more than the moisture wetting her face.

This was why she felt chills, hesitancy and self-doubt around this man. Something had happened to both of them – and they could feel the suppressed pain within each other. They just hadn’t known for sure what it was...

I d-disappointed someone once, she choked out. It was horrible. The one person that had meant the world to me- I betrayed them when they needed me most. It wasn’t intentional, I… I was so ensconced in sharpening my skills, in learning. My selfish desires blinded me to what everyone else could see.

She stopped abruptly to look Aberforth in the eyes. Her brow furrowed and muzzle stiffened as she spat out, I will never let that happen again. While it is in my power to heal and cure, I will do so. She breathed in sharply, as though deprived of air, her face almost primal – wild with aggression and despair. The look dissolved abruptly as the flow of tears continued. She clutched at Aberforth’s hoof as though to a life line, and looked up with an odd mixture of fear and defiance.

The world is an awful place. A lot of the time. But when I can make it better, through my work, it makes everything else… not so terrible…

[Lucca]

As the Doctor began to speak once more, Aberforth slowly raised his head to look at her again. He watched her, unblinkingly, as she began to cry. It wasn't that he didn't care...strangely enough, part of him somehow did, even though normally he thought those who cried were just not to the point where they could accept the world and its cruelties for what they were. But then, he had been at that point (or so he'd thought) and he had been crying, too. He just...wasn't sure how to react. Everything was suddenly upside down from normal, and he felt like his mind was still trying to go backwards and forwards at the same time.

Her words hit a chord with him...in a way he'd never thought anything else ever could. And he trusted her, so he didn't dismiss the feeling as he normally would have. As weakness seeping in. As he later...would probably wish he had, as it turned out. But in the moment...he nodded. Simply nodded. Perhaps, even with the drugs, he had finally said all he could say. But actions spoke more than words, and Iso's actions had been nothing but good at every turn.

She wanted to...actually do something about the world, despite knowing how little she could really do. She wasn't some fool idealist. She'd been jaded, she'd been hurt and she'd hurt, but now...Aberforth made a small noise in the back of his throat. It was almost a laugh. When was the last time he'd actually thought so much about another person without having the thoughts devolve in paranoia about their motives? When was the last time he'd let someone else get so...close?

And that was when the Goat realized he was sitting up more, his stomach felt better, and his face was mere inches away from Iso's. His eyes went wide, startled, and he froze, not sure how that had happened. Not sure what he wanted to do, what he had been about to do...his ears twitched, nervously, once, twice.

[Callypso]

The grip on his hoof tightened and began trembling. He had nodded. That meant… it meant he understood. Right? Right?? The world suddenly tilted at an odd angle and she took in a few deep, ragged breaths trying to calm herself. Her physician’s mind urged her to calm down and breathe deeply, but the emotional side, the side she was constantly condemning to her subconscious, was taking control. Iso couldn’t – wouldn’t- let herself feel. It meant suffering the same pangs of guilt and anguish over and over and over again.

She had built a façade, removed herself from most Card society and withdrawn into her work. Occupying herself with intricacies of the body, muscle regeneration and cures for decrepit limbs, she had hoped to drown herself in work. Her own self-deception was so deep, so thorough, that she had even hidden these basic facts from herself. Since her arrival at the Capital, though, these lies were slowly coming undone. It was becoming too difficult for her psyche to handle and she had turned to pharmaceuticals to numb both thoughts and feelings. As a physician, she had known better, but access combined with the longing to stop her inner turmoil made it only too easy. And it was only worsening.

She sobbed uncontrollably, realization pummeling her from every angle, her mind screaming at her to wake up and face the truth. She wasn't prepared for this, and it hurt. It hurt it hurt it hurt.

But he was here- and he hadn’t pushed her away. As she blinked constantly, the white of his fur blending and merging with the grey of the table, the yellowed lights – and suddenly his face was there, and it was the only clear object in her sight. The trembling stopped as she watched him. He was gazing at her, without fear or disgust – it was something… something she hadn’t seen in a while. The warmth from his hoof was oddly comforting. She rarely touched anyone. She rarely cried. She never let herself feel. And he was here. And he understood.

More than anything in that moment, she wanted to be held. To be wanted, to have someone close and not shy away from them. The anxiety she had felt for the Tulgey was gone. She noted that the sickly pallor was gone, his breathing normal, if not a little fast- he appeared much better than before. And he was so close. He hadn't moved away.

The ferret took in one deep breath and then hiccupped, voice dropping low to a whisper.

I don’t want to be alone anymore, Aberforth.

And she buried her face in his.