|
|
Post by Callypso on Nov 5, 2010 15:13:29 GMT -5
Iso stared straight ahead, willing herself not to simply remove herself from the seat, exit the office and give the building a wide berth from then on. But she couldn’t do it. She was here and she would finish what she started, one way or another. It was an unpleasant thought, spilling all her secrets to some stranger when she hadn’t divulged her innermost thoughts to anyone for years. The decisive moment came when the swan picked up the clipboard once again. Such a small, simple gesture, yet it spoke volumes to the reflective Corvie. She would stay and see this through. A sigh left her lips.
By the time I discovered my… condition… it was too far to terminate safely. Of course, one of my Realm generally has options for… ailments… such as these. However, the majority of those options are highly dangerous and I had no desire to bring further risk to my person.
The ferret paused again, unsure of how to next describe how she had felt when she had realized she was expecting. The tantrum might have been expected, but the aftermath had surprised even herself.
I reacted… poorly… to the news, though it seemed obvious enough to even one such as myself that it wouldn’t do to add further potential disaster to the consequences of my actions. Being so far along, Spades knows what damage I’ve already caused to my offspring. I- she stopped abruptly as she realized anger had crept into her countenance.
After the doctor had smashed apart her laboratory upon receiving the results of her blood analysis she had resolved not to let that particular emotion overwhelm her again. Anger was useless and had only resulted in the destruction of her most treasured space. It hadn’t been until much later that she had calmed enough to take positive action.
The woman was practically seething as she realized bottling her feelings had led her to this very place. It hurt. Quite a lot. And she didn’t much care for the seemingly constant contradictions in her present life.
She tried desperately to organize her thoughts, taking a deep breath to steady herself and quell some of the rage that had been building. I don't want to be an absent parent, and that can hardly be achieved by having a severe addiction, wouldn't you agree?
Iso rubbed her forehead with a paw as if trying to extricate her through direct contact with her skull. At least... at least when it was only me and no one else... it was predictable. If I became uncomfortable or irritated, I could make the problem disappear. The only one really affected was me. But I won't... I can't do so with children. Everything's changed.
By now the ferret had lost some of her anger and merely looked to the therapist with a blend of hopelessness and frustration. Not only did she have to alter everything in her life, she hadn't the ability to describe what was bothering her, a side-effect of years of smothering her own musings and blocking out the world.
|
|
|
|
Post by Kari Muffin on Nov 6, 2010 16:05:55 GMT -5
Rosewood was completely silent as the woman spoke. He watched her movements carefully, every so often he seemed to scribble down a note.
So she considered her pregnancy an ailment despite not terminating. He whole heatedly agreed that pregnancy was nothing more than a horrible illness. Of course he would never speak that opinion out loud, he had to remain an nonjudgmental sounding board for his clients.
Once she seemed to have finished speaking her piece the man spoke. "It might be easier if you consider parenthood like one of your experiments. It is just another challenge to overcome, and you just need to take things slowly. If you want I can give you some guides to help you if you find yourself completely unable to cope with the notion."
"And yes, everything has changed. There's no way to change it back either, so you're stuck with the fact that you're going to be a mother. And since your hormones have been effected as well you're probably going through periods of drastic emotional change. It's perfectly normal to express your emotions of discontent.... which you seem to be having problems with." Though it was far from a surprise. She seemed to be trying to keep up appearances even in this closed room.
"What is your biggest fear, Miss Iaso?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Callypso on Nov 12, 2010 17:28:46 GMT -5
Iso listened carefully as the therapist spun his thoughts on the matter. Though digesting the thought of being a parent and suffering through pregnancy was difficult enough, it wasn’t the actual thought of parenthood that bothered her the most. She wrinkled her nose in slight disagreement and answered very carefully, still unsure as to how to voice her feelings on the matter.
I think… I think that is why this is such a struggle for me. With an experiment I have free reign, what I research is up to my discretion, how much I spend on a particular line of study is entirely my decision. Before an experiment even begins, it is necessary to explore the topic at hand and conduct an investigation to ensure that the experiment isn’t a duplication of someone else’s publication. She paused again. The idea was there, she just seemed to struggle to link the two ideas.
I… I couldn’t conduct the research prior. This entire process has been responsive rather than proactive. I… wasn’t given the opportunity to develop a… a thesis, as it were. I hadn’t yet broached the topic of whether I wanted children in the future. If that query was posed to me today, I… I wouldn’t know how to answer. Do you understand?
Her brows wrinkled in thought and slight exasperation. She supposed it might be strange to compare pregnancy with theorem formation, but that was her world as she had understood it and she was just now learning how to do otherwise. This… talking about her life… was a rather strenuous exercise.
My worst fears?
The question caught Iso by surprise. She hadn’t really thought about it, as she had thought they had already happened. So far in the Capital, she hadn’t produced any new work, her minor drug use had turned into a full-blown addiction, she’d been impregnated by a relative stranger and was now expecting. What else could she possibly have to fear? No, that wasn’t true… was it? She had more to fear than she had before… there was more at stake now…
Well… I had been afraid that the father wouldn’t assist, but so far he’s been amenable to co-parenting, though it is a bit like tip-toeing through a mine field. I.. I suppose, also, that I’m afraid my habit may have negatively affected the fetus. And… and I…
She closed her eyes, not really wanting to entertain the next thought that floating through her mind, but knowing that that was what she was here to do.
I’m afraid something will happen to me, that will prevent me from adequately caring for them. Of… of not being there. Of my children... hating me...
|
|
|
|
Post by Kari Muffin on Nov 22, 2010 18:18:30 GMT -5
Rosewood listened with no interjections. The only sound that came from him was the scratching oh his pen, which actually wasn't that loud. His face gave very little sign of change in its expression. He was fairly good at remaining blank.
She seemed to have a "simple" problem, but of course all simple problems were complex in the eyes of anyone who had to deal with the problems. It was just surprising that someone so scientifically minded would be baffled by the simple things. But not everyone could be well adjusted, Corvies were no exception to the rule.
"You're afraid of what you can't control," he stated flatly. "Your children will either learn to love you or hate you, the father of your children will either support you or not, your habit may or may not have effected your children, and you may end up breaking your ankle while walking down the street or not. None of these things can be controlled by you. I can give you techniques to manage your anxiety, and if it doesn't dissipate after your children are born we can discuss a safe way to help you that doesn't involve dependency on medication."
He waited for her response.
|
|
|
|
Post by Callypso on Dec 10, 2010 13:03:05 GMT -5
Iso blinked her surprise and didn’t immediately reply. The swan’s declaration was almost annoyingly obvious. She didn’t know whether to be impressed that he had readily identified “the problem” or whether to feel cheated that she’d wasted time coming to his office at all. He wasn’t offering any answers, just simple restatement of the facts. Though she supposed it was helpful to have heard exactly what it was she was suffering from, but Polina could have given her that assessment for nothing!
She simply stared at the bird, though her thoughts were clearly elsewhere. Finally, she pursed her lips and the momentary haze lifted from her gaze.
Well, that’s not entirely helpful, though knowing there’s a word for my experience is somewhat reassuring. She shifted slightly in her seat. Perhaps these “techniques” could be of some use. I find that, on top of everything else, I feel as though I’m… relearning everything. How to… her brows furrowed gently in thought… be a participating member in Card society, as it were. It's difficult enough navigating an impersonal landscape, so much so that the prospect of attempting to do so with a family seems rather grim...
Iso paused again, debating how to phrase her next thought. She had already divulged more than she had to a stranger in a long time, and despite her mild irritation at having to be here, it was nice being able to at least talk about how she felt. Emotion was foreign, as though it only happened to other people, but now she had to actually process her reaction to the world. So very odd and disconcerting to have to bother with such complicated matters. As long as she had patient-physician confidentiality privileges, what harm could it do to voice all her worries?
I find myself frequently overwhelmed by the amount of data I am bombarded with. When I was… using… the drug tended to filter out much detail. Now, the tiniest minutiae assault me… It’s a reminder of part of the reason I first ran to substance use. I worry that... that with the hardship of tending to a family I may be... tempted.
|
|
|
|
Post by Kari Muffin on Jan 19, 2011 21:42:12 GMT -5
The swan neatly scrawled information on a separate piece of paper for the woman. It was a small list of books that she could purchase or borrow along with the page numbers and techniques that could help her. He set the paper to the side when she began to speak again.
At least this was an easy client to handle. Hopefully she would actually be able to solve her problems properly. He flicked back to the first page of his clipboard, he seemed to be searching for the proper words as he half laced his fingers together. "That could be considered stress or an information overload depending on how overwhelmed you feel when dealing with situations. Do you feel anxious in social situations or is it everything that's causing you to want to filter information? Both conditions have different methods of coping depending on the severity."
|
|
