You know what?

[Greenie]

LIIEEEESSSS

<--lives in conflict half the time

[Lauryn de Vampyre]

I will try and keep the piece but I do NOT let ANYONE walk all over me. I won't stand for it.

[hugs you Nako] I'd kick her in the saggy tits for you if I could.

[Callypso]

Blaaarghh. That's no fun. My tolerance for that kind of bologna is so low after I had to live with the shittiest housemate EVER for my last two years of college. Made my life MISERABLE. I'm sure you have a lack of options considering it's the MiL, so best of luck to you...

Then again, I'm constantly going toe-to-toe with my boyfriend's mother, so, yeaaaaah... >.>;; At least I don't have to live with her!

[Nako]

GUUUUHHHHHHHHH

I go in there to get the cake pieces out of the pan (If you keep em in the pan they might burn) and I get yelled at for taking the cake off the plate (they won't cool properly on the plate. They have to go on the cake rack) and the cake was stuck to the plate because she left it on there too long. You don't transfer the cake to the plate unless you have wax paper on it. And even then.. by that time you should be putting the cake together on the flat cake transport thing we have.

So. She yells at me. Tries to snatch the plate from my hands and overall gets upset that I'm even trying to do anything. And won't let me talk because she's too busy yelling about how I'm doing it wrong/ruining it/not doing it how she wants to do it.

So she can fuck off. Her family can fuck off, and I'm going to be miserable this thanksgiving having to be around her family.

Worst. Thanksgiving. Ever. I wish I could just stay home.

[Kari Muffin]

*offers you lots hugs* Funny. My Mom used to yell at my Dad for not using the cake rack when baking.

I've found Thanksgiving is the time of year for kitchen wars. I'd say beat her with the cake rack to prove a point, but violence is generally frowned upon. I hope the food doesn't suck at least.

[Lauryn de Vampyre]

Fuck her. [growls and backs her into a corner] I wish you could say that your Significant Other was sticking up for you...

I'm GLAD I'm working Thanksgiving. I never did like this Holiday. It's gone away from what it SHOULD be about.

[Harpsdesire]

You know... although I totally agree that her yelling and freaking out is totally uncalled for an not an appropriate response, after reading these two stories I think I can see what's going on here...

Your MIL is obviously insecure (as well as probably bratty), and your choice to adjust or question how she does kitchen things/cookscould be a trigger for her. She likely thinks she's doing it right, and you're trying to mess up her hard work!

From her point of view, she's been doing these things since before you were born, and now you come in here acting like she's all incompetant and tampering with what she's doing. From her perspective she's doing just fine, and has probably been doing things this way for many years and having them turn out alright.

So my advice is this: Stay the heck out of the kitchen, or at least don't work on or comment on whatever it is she's doing. She'll just feel like you're undermining or patronizing her and freak out immaturely again. Improperly cooled cake is much less a disaster than all-out family warfare.

[Nako]

Nov 24, 2010 16:42:17 GMT -5 Harpsdesire said:

You know... although I totally agree that her yelling and freaking out is totally uncalled for an not an appropriate response, after reading these two stories I think I can see what's going on here...

Your MIL is obviously insecure (as well as probably bratty), and your choice to adjust or question how she does kitchen things/cookscould be a trigger for her. She likely thinks she's doing it right, and you're trying to mess up her hard work!

From her point of view, she's been doing these things since before you were born, and now you come in here acting like she's all incompetant and tampering with what she's doing. From her perspective she's doing just fine, and has probably been doing things this way for many years and having them turn out alright.

So my advice is this: Stay the heck out of the kitchen, or at least don't work on or comment on whatever it is she's doing. She'll just feel like you're undermining or patronizing her and freak out immaturely again. Improperly cooled cake is much less a disaster than all-out family warfare.

Well the issue is she freaks out about -everything-. So I can't win.

Just one more year.. then we can escape -_- Then our obligatory 3 years in this house will be up.

[Callypso]

I can definitely commiserate, Nako. My bf's mother is similar, though I don't think she would actually ever YELL at me, instead she condescendingly tells me that I don't know better because I'm young and she's the expert on everything.... Really, really infuriating.

I had to talk with my bf about it because she was making me crazy. He recognized my suffering but also pointed out that she had been like that all his life (and she had/has an alcohol abuse problem that's slowly being sort out, so that didn't/doesn't help at all). We both agreed that the best way for me to deal with her is to shut my mouth when she's around... and then make faces, roll my eyes or try not to strangle myself when she's not looking...

So yeah, long story short. I have to sit around and be lectured on things that she CLEARLY has no knowledge about, how her opinion is always the right one, and I'm a little shit if I disagree with her because I'm being "disrespectful" for not lapping up everything she says with awe and admiration of her infinite wisdom... -__-

Harps definitely made some good points, which I read as a sort of "can't teach old dogs new tricks". I'm sure part of it is also that she still feels like she has to be the MOM to her offspring, and you're clearly interfering with her ability to do that (in her mind, anyway) and you're probably a nasty little reminder of the fact that her son doesn't need her anymore because he has you. So it turns out to be this nasty little combination of her insecurity, control issues, need to be involved and some other slew of whatevers, which totally sucks for you.

If you want any advice (which you might not.. sometimes it's just nice to vent) is probably to just take it. It totally sucks because you have to be the bad guy, and there's not much your bf can do because despite everything she is his mother, so you just have to be the bigger person and just let it slide off your back. I'll admit, it's really, really hard to be criticized and told you're wrong, but it's the only option without starting an all-out family war. When it gets really bad and I'm about to blow up, I just leave a room or pretend my phone went off or something and leave until I calm down.

I hope some of this helped? Sorry you have to deal with horrible MiL, but it'll get better eventually so keep your hopes up!

[Lauryn de Vampyre]

I guess you can say my Grams is the same way as these other older women. She will never listen to me, and even if I'm an expert on something.. she won't believe me on that something unless she hears the same exact information from her friends, who are the same age.

If I told her that the sky was blue, and she didn't already know it, she wouldn't believe me until one of her friends told her.

So what do I do when she yells at me because I don't do things exactly like she wants me to? I stare at her, unblinking, and say NOT A WORD, until she walks out of the room. It has taken me a lot of time an effort to keep my lips tightly sealed instead of yelling like I was trained to do by my Father.

Huh, guess I needed to vent a bit too.

But yeah, "if you don't have anything nice to say...' blah blah blah. I'm still being defiant, but by being SILENT there's nothing they can pick at. Probably. Maybe. Oh, Hell.