The Days of Our Lives ...

[Kitty]

Cause I feel like my life is a soap opera I swear >.>

Some of you know I just broke up with my bf of 2.5 years a few weeks ago. It just got to a point where I was feeling emotionally walled in, as in... I felt as if I couldn't have feelings he wouldn't approve of because I didn't want him to get mad at me. He's got issues with depression and self esteem and they just haven't bothered me up until this point. Since I got back from vacation it just felt as if anything I did was wrong and completely unacceptable. Needless to say I wasn't exactly happy.

It finally hit the point of no return when I went to the going away party of a friend/coworker. I told him about it, he knows everyone there but decided to twist it and get extremely pissed and start telling people I went out and got totally shit faced with a bunch of random guys. Yeah, I'll admit I had -way- too much to drink that night (first time playing beer pong, and we had jello shots... so yeah) .... but it was a bunch of coworkers and half the people there were chicks. I was still able to be civil and adult about things, he wasn't.

He's agreed to go and see a therapist, but I'm not exactly certain I can trust him anymore. fingers crossed he goes, he needs it... he really does, but he's got it in his head that if he does, I'll take him back and all this stuff. He scared me the other night with the conviction of his ideas.

But I'm worried, after all of this garbage I'm still worried and he needs to go before he hurts himself.

Heh, then there's the part that makes me feel like an idiot that might be tmi for some people but meh, gotta get it out >.>

The night I broke up with him I went over to a friends house and we fooled around a bit ... to be honest I needed it.... made me feel better about a lot of things.... now he's gotten all weird and I think I might of destroyed a nice little friendship. Well, not destroyed, just definitely pushed it backward a few thousand steps. To the point where he had a get together last night and the other planner invited me, was very convicted in her desire for me to attend, but he told me he was going ot cancel and sleep... but no... no... it happened.

And this is why Kitty is extremely distracted and doesn't read stuff too well.

Also, Satra.... Xenon? ily <3

[Lauryn de Vampyre]

Oh jesus girl. I didn't know any of this. *hugs tightly*

You definitely made the rigth decision for you. Even though you were together for so very long, you're still not responsible for him... or his actions. Which means if he goes to counciling, FANTASTIC! If he doesn't, that's up to him. And even if he does go to counciling, it will still be a long road to recovery and I don't think he understands that. Just make sure that he never puts you in a dangerous position. His irrationality seems to be escalating little bit by little bit. So honestly I'd recommend keeping your distance if you're not already.

As for the friendship, what I'd honestly recommend is not trying to talk to him about it cuz that will just freak him out more. If you do ever get the chance to talk to him, via text, phone or in person, I'd act like nothing was wrong. Let him know that you're not freaking out about it and it's okay for him to not freak out too.
Of course, it sounds like it may be too late for that for him. XD

Don't feel silly about sharing, love.
This is our home on the Internet. (See my post about my addiction.) You can post ANYTHING here and we, your family, will always be here for you. *hugs*

[Kitty]

I just needed to vent it out somewhere... I've been too busy for things to really sort of... hit me, yanno? I work 30+ hours a week, school 20 hours a week and generally one day off... so I've got an extra day this week and it's like bah, I attack you >.>

[Lauryn de Vampyre]

*hugs* You can ALWAYS let it out here love!
I just hope things get easier really soon for you.

[Old Gobbo]

Sept 4, 2011 10:57:42 GMT -5 Lauryn de Vampyre said:

As for the friendship, what I'd honestly recommend is not trying to talk to him about it cuz that will just freak him out more. If you do ever get the chance to talk to him, via text, phone or in person, I'd act like nothing was wrong. Let him know that you're not freaking out about it and it's okay for him to not freak out too.
Of course, it sounds like it may be too late for that for him. XD

Speaking as a guy, DO NOT DO THIS!!! It will be leading him on and he will pine for what he hopes for the most (whether this is friendship or a relationship). Be frank with him. It was a rebound night that you enjoyed then, but regret now. You hope to get back with the boyfriend if everything works out. We guys are incredibly dense. You must be frank and honest with us, sooner rather than later.

Trust me, I know...

[Callypso]

Kitty, I don't want to throw the word "abusive" around, but your relationship with the boyfriend was/is definitely not healthy. Breaking it off with him was probably a really good idea, as much as it sucks to have to end a commitment you've put so much time, emotion and energy into. Someone that makes you feel bad when you feel good, because they feel bad all the time - that's definitely not the sort of person you want to be with.

It's great that he's going to see a therapist, but if he's only doing it to salvage the relationship and not to actually help himself, then he may as well not bother going. Paralleling some of what I said in Lauryn's thread (which holds true in this situation, I think) - if the ex/boyfriend doesn't want help, or isn't actually doing it because he wants it, then there's really no hope for him. He genuinely, genuinely has to want it. For him, and him alone.

I would highly recommend having a really frank discussion with your ex/boyfriend. Tell him that therapy isn't a guarantee that you're going to get back together, that, depending on how it goes it may or may not be on the table, and go ahead and tell him what you told us: you're not sure you trust him anymore. If saying all that makes him angry, or mad or starts lashing out at you or whatever, then that answer speaks for itself. It doesn't hurt to straight up ask him why he's going to therapy - if it's for the relationship, you need to dissuade him of that notion right away.

As for fooling around with the other guy? I 100% agree with Gobbo. If you don't talk about it, it's going to hang there in the stratosphere and be extremely awkward. Even if he doesn't bring it up (which he may not), it already sounds like you're having strong feelings about it, so you need to "clear the air", even if it's just for you. (If it's not already obvious, I prefer the straight-up direct, blunt, no-bars approach to this kind of stuff.)

It'll be hard, possibly painful, and there is the potential for losing a friend - but there's not a lot you can do about it at this point. The "deal is done" and now you have to play damage control. Being direct (while still being tactful) is really just the best way (in my opinion). Gobbo's right - you need to tell your man friend exactly what is going on, how you felt about what happened between you two, and hope that everything turns out all right.

Good luck, lady. I hope everything does turn out all right for you, and I'm sorry you're dealing with this. You know where to find me if you need to talk.

[Satra]

I'm agreeing with Callypso here. Him seeking help under false pretenses will likely not help him. He has to seek help of his own volition or else the help is not going to really stick. He'll view it as a check list rather than actual help, coming to you later saying "see, I did it!" regardless of whether or not anything stuck. I mean, I don't know him, so I could be wrong, but that is how I see it.

It's going to be hard to break it to him, but you have to make sure he's clear on that. Granted, you've said you don't know if you can trust him, so if you feel you are in any kind of danger then don't and deal with it later.

And yeah, gotta talk to the other guy, too. I know, it's hard, but it makes life easier for everyone when we're all on the same page.

Anywho, I don't know what I'm getting a heart for, but yay me! XD

[Kitty]

See, I did tell him that.... cause I know it has to be him ot get the help. just that night he had like a breakdown or something and came up with all the crazy shit and freaked me out. We actually haven't even talked since that night... I'm just worried cause he's acting in a manner that makes me afraid he's going to do something stupid. I've had a guy commit suicide after I broke up with him already, I don't wanna go down that road a second time. Not my fault, I know, but it's something that sticks with you.

I've been getting my head clear and trying to keep my alone time down a bit cause I know I tend to like to invent irrational downward spirals and freak myself out over nothing (I tend to run things that upset me by my best friend and have her tell me if they are rational because of this lol) but it's been nice. I've been getting outside and doing all sorts of things instead of coming home from a long day of throwing around 20-40ilb boxes and vegging. Swimming, basketball, running with my friends dog... it's been really good getting all those feel good brain chemicals rolling, lol.

Can't actually do anything about the other guy til Tuesday or after, as my car decided to die on a holiday weekend so nothing is open, yay. We're thinking it's the ignition switch but, really, all my car friends are kind of perplexed. Everything keeps breaking since I got home >.<

[Lucca]

Well, Kitty, I'm always hesitant to offer advice in situations that I don't know a lot about...but I have to agree that being honest with him is probably for the best. The second friend that is. The exboyfriend...that's just a messy situation. :/ I know it's hard, but if he's a danger to himself and especially to you then stay away and stay safe.

Best of luck to you in everything okay? D: <3

[Nathalia]

Kitty, darling.
Situations like these are never fun, always frightening, and horrible downers.
Your ability to persevere them has and always will, astound me.
If you want to PM me, I may be a bit slow in response, but I will listen and do whatever I can to help.
Much fluff, m'dear. I hope things work out for the best.

~Nathalia