Post by Vyn on Apr 2, 2008 12:37:56 GMT -5
So, I was having a massive emo-splat and Imre suddenly decided that his muse works quite well under the pressure of emo-splat and finally decided to cooperate. Somewhat. Written in mixed first and third person.
Author: Vyn
Characters: Imre
Takes Place: Tugley Woods, Current (Imre is probably 12)
Word Count: 632
Reader's Warning: Contains depression, minor self injury, and suicidal thoughts.
(Just a Ghost)
Vren had taken Parzifal on another outing. Usually Poe was with me, but I pushed her away; deliberately pressing all of her fragile buttons until she ran away to drown herself in chores.
We're all broken.
Every single one of us. Even Parzifal, who appears to be the most normal and who gets Master's favor. Poe is perhaps the worst even if she looks okay sometimes, the sorrow around her never goes away.
I'm just a ghost. Seen but unseen -- I don't belong. I don't deserve to be seen. When times like this strike I just want to be alone, I want them all to go away even if I have to make them leave.
I am alone.
Vren's home is big and empty, monstrous in its silence. I hate ever bitter second of that ringing hush; a thunder I can't ignore. The thunder is the blood rushing in my ears, my heart pumping in my chest, its the screaming in my memories. When I'm alone, those memories settle and nothing's left to deflect them. Alone I'm left to fight the war against my own head. It's the same every time.
But it's what I want. Isn't it?
I push them all away. I push and bite and shove...and when they all slip out of view I remember I need them. Oh lord, I need them. The silence is deafening and my head is screaming, or it it me that's screaming? I'm waging a war against myself and I'm losing, losing. I don't want to go on like this, I don't want everything to be pain and silence and the screaming.
Her screaming.
My screaming.
Tears drench Imre's features as he stumbles through the house, looking for something -- anything -- to distract his mind with. His thoughts are a dull throb of emotion and everything is a haze of emotional pain threatening to well up and consume him. It's a familiar feeling, this feeling of the world breaking around him and of the pain and emptiness welling up to consume him. Surrender is so close, lapping at his thoughts and growing more welcoming by the second.
A scream rips from his beak as it takes control at last, and everything melts away into a blur of agony and frustration. Everything is pain, but its all inside. Deep down inside and so empty that he wants to die.
He thrusts him back in a haze of miserable frustration, hitting the nearest wall with enough force that pain ricochets up his wings and sings through his nerves like hot fire. The pain drowns out everything else, the screaming and the pain in his chest and in his mind and grounds him for the time being. It's a short fix and nothing else, a shot of pain to cleanse everything away and make him numb again.
There is nothing but quiet now.
My tears are overwhelming. With each passing sob my body feels weaker and weaker and slowly I slump down onto the floor. Pain pulsates through my body over and over again, both painful and soothing.
I'm disappearing again. Oh skies above, I'm disappearing. Dissolving. I'm more than this, I know I am. I'm more than this ghost of me, than this illusion.
Where is Poe? Parzi? Anyone?
Why does it play out like this every time? I push them away. I was the one that made them leave. I need them, though, I need them more than anything. Without my siblings I am nothing. I am a ghost without them and were they to leave, I would truly fade away.
Please, please...
Please, someone save me from this. I don't want to fade away.
Author: Vyn
Characters: Imre
Takes Place: Tugley Woods, Current (Imre is probably 12)
Word Count: 632
Reader's Warning: Contains depression, minor self injury, and suicidal thoughts.
(Just a Ghost)
Vren had taken Parzifal on another outing. Usually Poe was with me, but I pushed her away; deliberately pressing all of her fragile buttons until she ran away to drown herself in chores.
We're all broken.
Every single one of us. Even Parzifal, who appears to be the most normal and who gets Master's favor. Poe is perhaps the worst even if she looks okay sometimes, the sorrow around her never goes away.
I'm just a ghost. Seen but unseen -- I don't belong. I don't deserve to be seen. When times like this strike I just want to be alone, I want them all to go away even if I have to make them leave.
I am alone.
Vren's home is big and empty, monstrous in its silence. I hate ever bitter second of that ringing hush; a thunder I can't ignore. The thunder is the blood rushing in my ears, my heart pumping in my chest, its the screaming in my memories. When I'm alone, those memories settle and nothing's left to deflect them. Alone I'm left to fight the war against my own head. It's the same every time.
But it's what I want. Isn't it?
I push them all away. I push and bite and shove...and when they all slip out of view I remember I need them. Oh lord, I need them. The silence is deafening and my head is screaming, or it it me that's screaming? I'm waging a war against myself and I'm losing, losing. I don't want to go on like this, I don't want everything to be pain and silence and the screaming.
Her screaming.
My screaming.
Tears drench Imre's features as he stumbles through the house, looking for something -- anything -- to distract his mind with. His thoughts are a dull throb of emotion and everything is a haze of emotional pain threatening to well up and consume him. It's a familiar feeling, this feeling of the world breaking around him and of the pain and emptiness welling up to consume him. Surrender is so close, lapping at his thoughts and growing more welcoming by the second.
A scream rips from his beak as it takes control at last, and everything melts away into a blur of agony and frustration. Everything is pain, but its all inside. Deep down inside and so empty that he wants to die.
He thrusts him back in a haze of miserable frustration, hitting the nearest wall with enough force that pain ricochets up his wings and sings through his nerves like hot fire. The pain drowns out everything else, the screaming and the pain in his chest and in his mind and grounds him for the time being. It's a short fix and nothing else, a shot of pain to cleanse everything away and make him numb again.
There is nothing but quiet now.
My tears are overwhelming. With each passing sob my body feels weaker and weaker and slowly I slump down onto the floor. Pain pulsates through my body over and over again, both painful and soothing.
I'm disappearing again. Oh skies above, I'm disappearing. Dissolving. I'm more than this, I know I am. I'm more than this ghost of me, than this illusion.
Where is Poe? Parzi? Anyone?
Why does it play out like this every time? I push them away. I was the one that made them leave. I need them, though, I need them more than anything. Without my siblings I am nothing. I am a ghost without them and were they to leave, I would truly fade away.
Please, please...
Please, someone save me from this. I don't want to fade away.
