|
|
Post by Kari Muffin on Nov 22, 2007 1:47:47 GMT -5
He let himself be cradled. Kazifel simply couldn't do anything else. His hands tightened their grip around her. If only she could make it go away. If only it wasn't his fault. "Mili she... she looks like that. I.. she said she loved me but she's gone now. Gone. It's my fault. It's all my fault!"
Why did it have to hurt so much? Why couldn't Mili stop haunting him? Cassiel at least didn't hurt as much anymore. She said she loved him. Her death wasn't her fault. It was his. He had been responsible for everything that went wrong. He was the monster. He was the freak.
"Why does it hurt so much?" he whimpered. Tears. He wish he had them. They would solve the problem. They would make the pain go away. Why couldn't he feel the another's touch but feel this pain well up inside of him? Couldn't he just forget about everything?
|
|
|
|
Post by The Jenn on Nov 22, 2007 2:01:47 GMT -5
He... he was... Kazifel was... hugging her. His arms were wrapped around her, his body was pressed against her, and his fingers dug into her back with such anguished force. This was Femi's dream, brought to life, right here in her arms. Touching her. She could have happily swooned in his arms, except right now he was Hurting and she could feel it and it made her want to curl around him and cover him with her tail and never let him go out where people could hurt him like that ever again.
If she ever met this Mili person, she might just have to see how far she could push her ability. Was there a limit as to how much someone could break before they were beyond being broken? She hoped for the unlikely circumstance, that somehow Mili was a doll. She could hurt dolls... so very badly.
"True love lasts forever," she told him with a small lump in her throat, partly happy and partly upset in empathy at his pain. "If I ever lost you, I... I don't know what I'd do. And then to be reminded like this, oh no, my poor love. I'm so sorry. I had no idea Yanamara would upset you so much. I just didn't think, didn't... I'm so sorry. Come on, introductions can wait. You need to come with me."
She pushed him towards the door and down the hall to another room, this one obviously sleeping quarters. There were no dolls in here. She liked to pick and choose who slept with her each night, and she was very particular about the privilege. Of course, now that she had Kazifel, he would be there always. She stood next to the bed and rocked him gently back and forth, not sure what he was used to of how exactly to comfort him. She was also worried about that frightful wobble he had done just a moment ago.
"Kazifel, my love, my lovely man, please don't be so unhappy. It's not your fault she left. It's not..." She was still trying to understand, still trying to wrap her head around what exactly to do about the whole situation. She couldn't leave her beautiful doll man like this, no, certainly not. He needed her just like she needed him. The thought thrilled a secret little part of her.
|
|
|
|
Post by Kari Muffin on Nov 22, 2007 2:16:35 GMT -5
The pain was so much to bear he seemed to howl his words. He missed that other part of him that he couldn't seem to return to. He was without his real self, just half of what he used to be. "It is my fault she left. I failed her. I failed her and I buried her. She'll never come back and it's all my fault."
How desperately he wanted to feel Femi. How desperately he wanted the impossible right now. His hands seemed to be shaking from all the stress. He couldn't seem to control his body. He was having another break down. This happened when his mind was filled with too much grief. Kazifel needed to stop and force himself to relax. He didn't care much about the change in the scenery, the image of Mili was still burnt into his mind.
Femi helped though. Someone cared. It was something that he needed. It was the thing he had finally found after searching for so long. Cassiel and Mili were gone. Femi was here. She wasn't going to leave him. Why was he still shaking though?
|
|
|
|
Post by The Jenn on Nov 22, 2007 2:31:35 GMT -5
Femi placed a hand on either side of his face and kissed him slowly as he hugged her, embraced her in his moment of need and anguish. It was nothing really but a press of muzzle to mouth, so very gentle, but it let her soothe her hands across his face and hair. It stemmed the flow of guilty words, pain and suffering of the past.
She pulled away and looked at him, trying to put as much compassion into her words and expression as she felt right now. "Then she'll never come back, Kazifel. Whether you failed her or not, if she'll never come back... and if you felt something for one another... then I'm sure she would be miserable that you can't be happy right now. If you really, truly feel that strongly about her, you need to see beyond guilt to how she would want you to be. Whoever she was, if she said she loved you... then she would want you to be happy. Have you ever seen that, ever looked beyond your guilt and your upset? To what she would have wanted in the end? Happiness."
With me.
The shaking worried her, but she didn't want to admit it. He just... needed to get off his feet. Tomorrow she would try to fix it, whatever caused the shaking. And over the course of forever, she would try to fix what this Mili had done to his poor heart, her dear Kazifel. Her sweet Kazifel. She might have known he was such an emotional person, deep down where she couldn't see it until now, only hope. She had hoped, and there it was.
Pushing gently against his chest, she encouraged his joints to fold gently, her arms wrapped around him again. He would land sitting on the bed and place less strain on his joints if they were, indeed, what was causing the trembling. If not, then she would work on that herself.
|
|
|
|
Post by The Jenn on Nov 22, 2007 2:42:05 GMT -5
Jenn and Kari both receive 1 token each, to be redeemed in Ashwin's Shoppe.
This will automatically be added to your recorded totals in the shoppe.
Congratulations, and keep up the good RP!
|
|
|
|
|
Post by Kari Muffin on Nov 22, 2007 2:46:42 GMT -5
His heart would have skipped a beat. if it were possible. Femi was right. So very right. The trembling lessened. Happiness. That was what Mili and Cassiel always talked about. They wanted to find true happiness. A family. Something so much more. Had he really found it after all this time? Twenty years being locked away in Cassiel's workshop had really turned to this?
Kazifel hardly protested when he was sat down. He hardly had a choice in the matter anymore. Was it really that bad to be owned by someone who cared? No one had showed this kind of affection to him since Cassiel had disappeared. This was real. What she was giving him was real.
Home. He was home now. "I... yes. You're right. You're very much right. But it still... it won't go away. I still see her face and the look she gave me before..." He would have broken down into tears if he could. He had nothing though. Nothing left to give to Mili's memory. "I just miss them. Even after the things the did or said. I miss them. The pain won't go away. But... you did say you can fix me, Femi, so I trust you."
Trust. He had said the word. It was just as hard to say as "love." They both burned with the same fire for him. Could she understand that?
|
|
|
|
Post by The Jenn on Nov 22, 2007 2:59:22 GMT -5
The squirrel sat next to him, both of her arms around him, listening to what he said and feeling so very warm and glowy and fuzzy inside. He was in Turmoil and he turned to her. It was Meant To Be from the very start, from the moment she set eyes on his unusual form half a day ago. Half a day? It was surely half a lifetime by now, wasn't it, with how much he had given to her?
But there was still more to be won. So much more. And trust was... a big word, for all that it only had five letters. Did she trust anyone? Femi struggled to remember. Her parents... no, not really. Who knew when they would eventually decide they didn't want her to be part of her true family? Her countrymen... certainly not, though she would defend the Woods and her own privacy as fervently as the next inhabitant. Perhaps she could give her trust to Kazifel if he'd already given his own as compensation. A sort of collateral, but unconditional? Maybe? Trust was a hard one for her to really grasp, growing up so very alone as she did. No one made sense to her. Only her dolls for companionship.
Maybe it made sense that she could only give her trust and heart to a man who was a doll, then? And yet so much more. She rubbed her nose along his cheek and held him tightly against her, stroking his back soothingly. Suddenly, as the hard wood gave nothing in tension, she wondered if he could feel it. A problem for another time. "I can fix you, and I will fix you, no matter what. I... you're so special, Kazifel. You're the only one like you, the only person I could ever give my heart to, and maybe I can trust you with something too. Can I? Do you think?"
Her mind worked a mile a minute, wanting, needing this. It only had to figure out the wording... and... there! There it was! What she wanted and needed out of him more than anything. "Can I trust you never to leave me, if I do this for you, my love? Can I trust you never to go, to abandon me, to leave me as bereft as Mili left you? Oh please... I need to know..."
|
|
|
|
Post by Kari Muffin on Nov 22, 2007 3:12:53 GMT -5
Never to leave. He had nowhere to go. He had no one to go to. Why would he leave her? What would make him do such a thing? No. He really couldn't think of anything as he looked at her. He couldn't refuse. Wouldn't she punish him anyway if he disobeyed? She had said he was hers. Did he really have the freewill to make the choice? It didn't matter. He would have answered her this way no matter what.
"I won't leave. I promise I'll be by your side always. I'll be yours forever." He said it. He meant it. Kazifel could never take those words back. It was the Right Thing to do. She was his saving grace. An angel. What else would look on him without calling him a monster?
"I'll do anything for you," he said in a whisper. Devoting himself to someone wasn't that bad. Was it? It couldn't be bad to fall in love with someone so quickly. There was no way this could be Wrong.
Hope. Femi was Hope.
|
|
|
|
Post by The Jenn on Nov 22, 2007 3:26:16 GMT -5
Femi couldn't help letter her eyes well over with tears at the words, the confirmation, the commitment he gave to her that she had never gotten from anyone, ever, in her entire life. Someone to love her freely and unconditionally, always and forever, who would do anything for her. Oh, this day seemed too amazing to be real, but it was... it was as real as him. Which made it Real. She was happy enough to cry, and scream, and run through the streets shouting for joy. She settled for the first one.
Anything, now she would have to do anything and everything in her power, and maybe more, to see that her beautiful Kaziel was fixed. She would work on him tomorrow. Yanamara could wait a little while, until she could no longer fix Kazifel with her magic and she had to start exploring new magic. What were some of the things she could do now, though...?
Her head ducked down and buried itself against his shirt and coat, fluffing out so happily. "I wish this feeling could last forever," she whispered with a little catch in her voice. "But I think I want to try to fix you up a little bit first, my darling. My forever-love. Some of your paint seems to have worn down, and your poor coat is in tatters. And your wings... I wonder if I can patch them with fabric, or make you entirely new sails? What do you think?" She spoke into his chest, wrapped tightly around him.
|
|
|
|
Post by Kari Muffin on Nov 22, 2007 3:42:35 GMT -5
Kazifel couldn't remember a time when he was happier. It was impossible. He smiled at her words, so soft. So amazing. Perfect. He also wished the moment could last forever. He knew better though.
His eyes widened as she mentioned his appearance. It had been twenty years since he had become what he was today. Twenty years of wear and tear from being stuck in that basement. Kazifel couldn't help but feel embarrassed by his looks. He probably looked worse than he ever had before. With recent events, he probably looked like hell. "I don't know where you could start. My wings were never really finished so I guess that would be something to work with." He looked down at her and smiled.
A smile. Was it real? Was it possible? It must have been if everything else was possible. Happiness. It was unbelievable. It was as if everything could come true. Perhaps he would be able to feel things now that he was with Femi? She really could fix him. "Thank you," was all he could manage.
|
|
