Gotta find your way back home (Closed)

[carcinoGeneticist]

((This has taken me far too long but last night my Asha muse punched me in the face Kel and Asha need some time, says me <3))

The sound of cautious footsteps making their way back and forth in the kitchen was quiet and muffled. The skunk girl wasn't exactly sure why she was pacing so frantically, but pace she did, back and forth across the empty space between the oven and the table, cradling her body as she did. She had finally spoken with Eilwyn, but when the time had come to tell him how she felt she had locked up, smiled, and congratulated him.

It tore her apart inside like nothing else ever could, she knew. Was she really so selfish?

Asha began to pace faster when the emotion got a grip on her, sniffling as she struggled to bite back her tears. She was a terrible person who deserved this. She had earned it for herself - her jealousy was proof enough of that fact.

She was so wrapped up in her thoughts and pacing that she didn't even notice when she'd begun to walk too far in one direction. She didn't notice the toy that Peter had left there after playing - if she hadn't been such a wreck, it wouldn't have mattered, but as it was her toes collided with the toy and she stumbled and fell, slamming her knees against the ground and letting out a sharp cry of pain. She made no move to get up, only curled into the fetal position, rocking herself slightly, and began to cry.

[seraaches]

When she arrived, she brought books with her; but that was hardly surprising. When in doubt, the titled King of Diamonds would retreat to the literary world. Whether it was fiction or non, something she had previously studied or not, there was so much comfort to be had in books and so much entertainment besides.

Kelasia was pleased to have fund a number of classic books written in Braille that she hoped to share with her eldest daughter.

She felt awkward approaching the young woman's abode; she didn't feel as though she was truly a parent to the girl. After all, Asha didn't really need her. Her birth mother Calia was the epitome of the maternal, and Theofilus had easily allowed the girl into the fold of his own children.

Kel sighed, ever the interloper, and quietly let herself in, calling out softly, "Hello, Asha."

[carcinoGeneticist]

The feeling of her arms wrapped around herself was a frail protection from the harshness of the world, but with the house as empty as it currently seemed to be it was the best she could ask for. She was utterly pathetic. She had such a wonderful life, thanks to the work of her parents, but she couldn't appreciate it. All she would do was complain about the life she could never have. She should just be happy for her siblings.

She sniffled rather pathetically, still cradling her injured ankle as she wiped her face on her arm. It did nothing to staunch the flow of her tears, but it made her feel better to know that she could at least try to calm her nerves. She jumped slightly at the sound of the quiet call - she had been so wrapped up in her own self-pity that she'd failed to notice the other woman enter.

"M-mom?[/b]" she called out, turning blind eyes to the direction of the call. It had been some time since she'd last seen her other mother, and the sound of the woman's soft voice was enough to calm her tears. Quickly, she brushed her red-spotted mane back behind her ears, quickly rubbing at her face. "I-I'm in here![/b]"

[seraaches]

Kel made her way towards the young woman's voice, a small smile quirking at the edges of her mouth. Asha had always had a sweet voice, and even now it pleased the Sorgaire Range woman. No matter how messed up her own life was, how much she despised her own weakness, she could never be anything but happy and blessed by Asha's existence.

All such thoughts, however, whisked from her mind even as the books fell from her hands at the sight of her eldest child on the floor. Kelasia rushed immediately to the girl's side, hands hovering slightly for a moment.

"Asha! Wot happened?" She realized that there was a hint of tears in the girl's eyes, but she attributed it to the fact that the Ace was obviously injured. "Oh, baby, are you okay?" Her hands slipped down to hover over the ankle now, unable to quite make herself touch the wound just yet. She needed to find the first aid kit.

[carcinoGeneticist]

The sound of the heavy volumes falling made the young woman flinch slightly - had her mother tripped over the toy as well? She could feel her mother's body heat and knew that Kelasia was hovering close to her, and she whimpered softly. She hadn't ever meant to scare the woman... "Peter just forgot to clean up his toys and I tripped...[/b]" she laughed weakly, touching her injured ankle with hesitant fingers. It hurt, but not too badly. It was mostly just alarming. "It's my fault. If I was paying attention I wouldn't have tripped.[/b]"

Wide and pale eyes were turned up towards the elder skunk, and the Ace's expression faltered slightly. "I'm okay,[/b]" she said, the lie leaving a bitter and disgusting taste in her mouth. She moved as if she was going to attempt to stand and fell back once more, begining to cry anew.

Asha practically flung herself into Kelasia's arms, sobbing into the woman's blue fur and clinging tightly to her. "M-mommy..[/b]" she whimpered, eyes closed almost painfully tightly as the emotions came gushing out all at once. "I'm not okay. I-I'm s-so pathetic..[/b]"

[seraaches]

Kelasia was shocked by Asha's sudden emotional outburst, but she didn't hesitate to quickly gather the younger woman into her arms. The fact that the girl was physically injured had little to do with these tears, Kel sensed. Something had happened to her baby, and Kel felt the surge of anger that anyone would dare hurt her child.

"Oh, Asha, dear, you are not pathetic! Why would you even say that?" Her hand began gently circle on her daughter's back, trying to offer comfort to the girl. Even as she spoke, however, she knew that she could easily relate to the feeling of being pathetic; didn't she feel that way virtually everyday of her life? But that was not the sort of heritage she ever wanted for her baby girl.

Calia and Theo's influence, Kel thought, would minimize her own weaknesses in her child and she felt a brief surge of panic that Asha might have learned this from her rather than have the boldness and confidence she deserved.

[carcinoGeneticist]

It was amazing how much good for the skunk's injured pride a little physical contact could be. She'd missed her other mother dreadfully for many years, feeling that the shyness that they shared had all too often made it difficult for them to spend too much time together. Asha had always harbored a secret fear that Kelasia felt great shame at having such a... such a shame of a daughter, having been born with such a high rank herself. This contact... it helped her forget all that, and she buried her nose against the soft hair of her mother, sniffling rather pathetically. "I... I just...[/b]" she whimpered, stumbling over her words.

How could she say out loud what she felt, when it was so difficult even to internalize? She felt horrible for thinking the way she did, but there was nothing to be done for it. Without even fully realizing she was doing it, she began to fully unload on her mother, speech broken by intermittent sobs.

"I'm s-so jealous, momma..[/b]" she whimpered, hiding her face and wrapping her tail very tightly around her feet. "Of Wyn and Elyse. All I've ever wanted was a f-family of my own, b-but... I can't have one. How could I? I'm b-blind but more than that I'm just... just a lowly and p-pathetic Ace.[/b]" she spat the word out. It had taken many years to fully understand the meaning behind it, and what it meant for her and the way the rest of the world would see her. Who in their right mind would take her on as a lover? "A-All I've ever w-wanted... I j-just wanted s-someone who would love me like that, and now... Now Wyn has that s-someone and I'm s-still alone...[/b]" Her tears were flowing fast now, and her nose had started to run.

She hated herself. She was a spoiled child who couldn't bear the thought that she might not get one thing.

[seraaches]

The broken words ripped at the woman's heart and she pulled Asha just a little bit closer to her, bringing up her hand to gently pet the red locks atop that oh, so precious head. As the story came pouring out, Kel's heart ached further, a deep, horribly pain that all of this was going on in her poor, poor darling's life and she really hadn't been fully aware of what all was going on.

How could she explain? Was Asha unaware of Ace physiology versus the other Cards? No, her daughter was brilliant even if she was blind, and now would certainly not be the time to remind the lovely hybrid that Aces could not have babies with 'normal Cards'.

"Oh, baby," the skunk said softly instead, gathering the younger woman very nearly into her lap. She struggled to think of the comforting words she so desperately needed just then. "You're not pathetic or low just because you're an Ace; I've known plenty of people who were pathetic and low and they were in the Courts." She pressed a kiss against the top of her daughter's head. "I'm sorry Wyn did not share the level of your feelings." It was an idea she related well with, actually. Perhaps not unrequited love, but painful nevertheless. "It is a difficult thing to have to deal with." She couldn't lie and tell the girl that everything would be okay, that the pain would go away. It would hurt for a long time, and she well knew it.

[carcinoGeneticist]

The feeling of the skunk's fluffy fur against her body, the maternal feeling of being cradled like Kelasia was... It brought her back to her childhood, all those years of being pampered and loved by so many people, the ignorance of the very thing that was troubling her now. She wished she could go back to that time. Asha drew in a breath, sharp and stuttering, unseeing eyes squeezing tightly closed. When her mother drew her in, Asha folded her limbs into a more compact shape, taking the reassuring physical contact for all that it was worth. She was far too big for this now, she knew, but that wasn't going to stop her.

For all the comfort that simply being held gave the skunk, Kelasia's words soothed her hurts like the most perfect balm, and the woman's trembling began to slowly subside. Getting out all of her feelings had been wonderfully cathartic, and she could already feel herself calming.

"I guess... I just felt like we always had so much in common, you know...?[/b]" she murmured, voice muffled by the way she was snuggled in against her mother's fur. Her tail twitched absently, curling up around them like a fluffy blanket, and she sighed softly. "And... There's nothing wrong with him being with Elyse. She's so wonderful, I know she'll treat him well.[/b]" She sniffled, pawing at her eyes and snout with the back of her hand.

She wouldn't even bring up the other pain - Eilwyn having his sight back as well. That was something that ached even more than his having found love elsewhere.

[seraaches]

Kel continued to hold her only daughter in a firm hug; this time wasn't just helping Asha, it was helping the skunk. It was a bit of a relief to know that she was here and was able to help the young woman. She could feel the Ace calming in her arms and that was an even greater relief.

"Well, dear, if you like them both, perhaps you could still be friends? Maybe down the road. . ." Not that she thought Asha would want to leap directly into a deep friendship with the woman who had, essentially, stolen away the Highlander from her, nor would Kel suggest such a thing. Still, sometimes it helped to see the one you love be very happy, even if it was bittersweet since they weren't being so happy with you.

The woman tried to suggest something else that might help cheer up the girl, but she was at a bit of a loss.