Post by Tigeress on Jan 19, 2009 13:06:38 GMT -5
Soooo, I haven't been posting much recently due to Sekhmet's OVERWHELMING MOTHER-EFFING EMO going off in my head and needed to get some of it out XD. I've also been busy with school. Ahem. Anyway, this takes place when they get away from the courts, on top of daddy issues, I think these kids are now going to have need of serious therapy. Like, serious therapy. I think it's kind of long and I apologise for that, I doubt many people will read it but it was worth writing it all out and crying as I did so. Damn you Sera! T___T Kidding, I still loves you. I think you need a sister-title to Nat's though XP.
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Rain. It had started to rain. She almost felt the beginnings of laughter as bitter thoughts rose up that she’d been trying to long suppress. Her mind had been cleared, wiped empty of all personal thought when she’d fled for the safety of her children and herself. That had been the only thing on her mind, she had to protect her loved ones, she couldn’t afford to think of why or where her lover was, or else she’d falter and she knew it. She couldn’t afford to fail them, to fail him. These beautiful children that they had made were all she had left now, and anyone bold enough to try would die before they touched them. She’d make sure of that.
Her anger was soothing; it kept the pain at bay. Every hollow step was more painful than the last, but she had to keep moving through the physical effects of her emotional turmoil. She needed enough space to know she was alone. The children were safe, with people who she genuinely trusted, and she needed this time to herself. She needed to loose it out here, to let go where nobody could see or hear her, where the children wouldn’t be frightened. When they saw her, she had to be strong and optimistic for them. But the letters… she had all of them with her, they’d been entrusted to her care, she’d know when the children could handle reading them. She didn’t know what they said, but she knew it would be hard.
Sheltered in the small leather bag she had on her with only the most essential possessions, she let them fall to the ground and took out only one, the one addressed to her. She opened it with shaking hands, her breath starting to come fast and create a fog about her in the cool rain. Her hand went to her mouth, eyes closing shut hard for a moment after the initial confirmation. Yes, he was no longer here. She would never again touch him or kiss him, never see him smile around her or relax into her, never hear about his family or his childhood, Elias, nothing. She bit down on her lip hard enough to bring a small sound of pain before continuing on. He hadn’t been able to do it, he couldn’t kill his son. She smiled through the quivering of her lip and the tears that bit the edges of her eyes, hot and stinging. He’d been an incredible man right to the end, worthy of admiration, his morals and love for his family above even his own life.
“Damn it Rai… why couldn’t you have been just a bit more heartless?” She whispered painfully to nobody but the wind, the words broken and passionate as she fell slowly onto her knees. She knew why, she wouldn’t have loved him so if he wasn’t who he was. She read on and shook her head in disbelief; even in death he wanted his demented bastard of a son to know he loved him, why he’d done what he had. Damn it all she knew why he felt the way he did, but she held no love for the stallion that had killed the father of her children, only hatred. She hoped suddenly that he wouldn’t think less of her if he knew how she felt about his son.
She smiled through the crying that had started up again as she read the last few lines, feeling everything within her tear as he asked her to keep their beautiful children safe from harm. “I will, I promise, I will not let them be hurt… I love you Shinrai. I love you!” The last was cried out as she buckled over so that her face was almost touching the wet earth below her, the sounds of her sobbing only mournful music to the grass which almost brushed her forehead. Be happy… hadn’t he said for her to be happy? But the misery she felt cut to the core, her throat was already sore from the sounds of her despair as she clutched the piece of paper hard to her chest. Every memory she’d tried to ignore ran through her head, an eternity of time spent with the stallion, from the day she’d walked into his office to the first time they’d indulged in the tension between them. The birth of their children, every stolen moment in his office, the things he’d shared with her quietly when no other ears could hear, the secrets she’d divulged to him that not even her sisters knew. His smiles when he came to her after a long day of work, fully anticipating getting all of her attention, the way he said goodnight and how her name sounded when he held their children and talked to her, the way they made love time and time again. The silken slip she still hadn’t washed from only days before… and maybe now never would.
All of it. It hit her like nothing she’d ever felt before. And looking up to the sky as she began to hyperventilate in the panic of knowing she’d never experience any of it again, she took in the biggest breath she could.
And screamed.
A blinding, searing pain erupted in her chest as small fireworks seemed to go off in her head and the scream extended into one that would curdle blood and make anyone think twice about approaching. Her hands went to her chest, clutching the material above her left breast as her eyes flew wide and her mouth hung open, trying to make sounds that wouldn’t come without breath, consumed by so much pain. A tightening sensation gripped her chest as a sound of splintering and cracking was heard. She fell over into the earth, staring blankly out ahead of her, mind empty of all thoughts, unable to move or breathe, falling faster into darkness.
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She would have been worried to know that somewhere else entirely, her daughter screamed with her and sobbed in her own pain. They were connected completely, whatever Sekhmet felt, Ayanami did as well, but she’d never really told her mother this because neither of them was entirely positive about the connection. But it was real, and the young doe felt her mother’s suffering as fear gripped her tightly. The hours ticked by, her mother had been gone so long, she tried to leave but her brothers wouldn’t let her. Sadiki seemed wrapped up in his head, obviously understanding more of this than she did. He had taken charge and not permitted any of them to leave, saying that their mother needed to be alone and that they’d just worry her if they left and got lost or something.
When the King awoke, she could tell something was different. The back of her head rested upon something smooth and cool, and her vision seemed to be shaded by something. Her hand reached up to brush the hair from her eyes, only to be stopped just in front of her face, her fingernails making a delicate clinking noise as they connected. Breathing out sharply in surprise, she smoothed her hand over the surface, finding that a glass mask had secured itself overtop of her head, though her mouth was still exposed and her hair slid out the bottom. She sighed fiercely, the emptiness in her chest telling her that something had changed yet again, only this time the results were very visible.
With a heavy heart, she picked up her sack and began to walk back, not having enough tears left to cry over the handsome stallion who still haunted her thoughts. There was so much sorrow within her, and now uncertainty. She’d have to try and find someone who could help her with this new development, maybe Bernard would. When she returned to her children, she hesitated before knocking on the door. Artemis was there first, her face going white with surprise.
“Sekhmet… I… Ayanami’s been a mess, she… they shouldn’t… what happened?” Several trains of thought tried to explode out at once, leaving the doe looking uncertain and spooked.
“I don’t know. I need to talk to Bernard, I think it has to do with my prior condition, as the pain started in my chest and I thought I heard… nevermind.” She sighed and leaned against the doorframe, the glass making a delicate noise as it hit.
“I can’t see your face. How can you see? You should go before the children wake and see you; you’ve been gone for hours.” She reached out to touch her sister who only inched back out of reach, a look of confusion on her face though Artemis couldn’t see it.
“Hours? You can’t see my face? I can see just fine, but you’re right... They shouldn’t see me like this yet, but I can’t leave them I just can’t. It’s not that I don’t trust you, I do, but I made a-” She paused in mid sentence as her daughter came around the corner, her face a wet, miserable mess despite having been asleep for a while.
“Mommy?... MOMMY?” She began to take in deep gulping breaths, overwhelmed entirely by the sight of her mother standing in the doorway. She screamed again, Sadiki bursting around the corner behind her to grab the female as she fell backwards into unconsciousness. His eyes rose up to the doe, wide and uncertain.
“Mom…? Are you okay?” He held Nami tenderly in his human embrace, though his face and his questions were all for the woman standing in the doorway.
Sekhmet hissed ‘shit’ under her breath, grabbing her stomach and feeling the terror and pain that had gripped her daughter. She forcibly regained all the composure she’d lost earlier and ran forward, embracing the doe along with her son.
“I’m… I’ll be alright okay? I’m still me, don’t worry. It’s a long story but I’m just fine.” She smiled though it was a blatant lie, she had no idea what was going on. Her world was falling and she was pulling at strings to keep it together. Sekhmet was aware of Tokasu standing forlornly at the corner only inches away, knowing he couldn’t really touch anyone without burning them, and made a mental note to comfort him once she’d taken care of Nami. Teremun had run out to join the embrace; tears streaming down his face after the initial shock had passed through him as well. She was happy for the glass covering for the moment, because when Sadiki leaned into the trio and started to cry silent tears, she did too.
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Rain. It had started to rain. She almost felt the beginnings of laughter as bitter thoughts rose up that she’d been trying to long suppress. Her mind had been cleared, wiped empty of all personal thought when she’d fled for the safety of her children and herself. That had been the only thing on her mind, she had to protect her loved ones, she couldn’t afford to think of why or where her lover was, or else she’d falter and she knew it. She couldn’t afford to fail them, to fail him. These beautiful children that they had made were all she had left now, and anyone bold enough to try would die before they touched them. She’d make sure of that.
Her anger was soothing; it kept the pain at bay. Every hollow step was more painful than the last, but she had to keep moving through the physical effects of her emotional turmoil. She needed enough space to know she was alone. The children were safe, with people who she genuinely trusted, and she needed this time to herself. She needed to loose it out here, to let go where nobody could see or hear her, where the children wouldn’t be frightened. When they saw her, she had to be strong and optimistic for them. But the letters… she had all of them with her, they’d been entrusted to her care, she’d know when the children could handle reading them. She didn’t know what they said, but she knew it would be hard.
Sheltered in the small leather bag she had on her with only the most essential possessions, she let them fall to the ground and took out only one, the one addressed to her. She opened it with shaking hands, her breath starting to come fast and create a fog about her in the cool rain. Her hand went to her mouth, eyes closing shut hard for a moment after the initial confirmation. Yes, he was no longer here. She would never again touch him or kiss him, never see him smile around her or relax into her, never hear about his family or his childhood, Elias, nothing. She bit down on her lip hard enough to bring a small sound of pain before continuing on. He hadn’t been able to do it, he couldn’t kill his son. She smiled through the quivering of her lip and the tears that bit the edges of her eyes, hot and stinging. He’d been an incredible man right to the end, worthy of admiration, his morals and love for his family above even his own life.
“Damn it Rai… why couldn’t you have been just a bit more heartless?” She whispered painfully to nobody but the wind, the words broken and passionate as she fell slowly onto her knees. She knew why, she wouldn’t have loved him so if he wasn’t who he was. She read on and shook her head in disbelief; even in death he wanted his demented bastard of a son to know he loved him, why he’d done what he had. Damn it all she knew why he felt the way he did, but she held no love for the stallion that had killed the father of her children, only hatred. She hoped suddenly that he wouldn’t think less of her if he knew how she felt about his son.
She smiled through the crying that had started up again as she read the last few lines, feeling everything within her tear as he asked her to keep their beautiful children safe from harm. “I will, I promise, I will not let them be hurt… I love you Shinrai. I love you!” The last was cried out as she buckled over so that her face was almost touching the wet earth below her, the sounds of her sobbing only mournful music to the grass which almost brushed her forehead. Be happy… hadn’t he said for her to be happy? But the misery she felt cut to the core, her throat was already sore from the sounds of her despair as she clutched the piece of paper hard to her chest. Every memory she’d tried to ignore ran through her head, an eternity of time spent with the stallion, from the day she’d walked into his office to the first time they’d indulged in the tension between them. The birth of their children, every stolen moment in his office, the things he’d shared with her quietly when no other ears could hear, the secrets she’d divulged to him that not even her sisters knew. His smiles when he came to her after a long day of work, fully anticipating getting all of her attention, the way he said goodnight and how her name sounded when he held their children and talked to her, the way they made love time and time again. The silken slip she still hadn’t washed from only days before… and maybe now never would.
All of it. It hit her like nothing she’d ever felt before. And looking up to the sky as she began to hyperventilate in the panic of knowing she’d never experience any of it again, she took in the biggest breath she could.
And screamed.
A blinding, searing pain erupted in her chest as small fireworks seemed to go off in her head and the scream extended into one that would curdle blood and make anyone think twice about approaching. Her hands went to her chest, clutching the material above her left breast as her eyes flew wide and her mouth hung open, trying to make sounds that wouldn’t come without breath, consumed by so much pain. A tightening sensation gripped her chest as a sound of splintering and cracking was heard. She fell over into the earth, staring blankly out ahead of her, mind empty of all thoughts, unable to move or breathe, falling faster into darkness.
==========
She would have been worried to know that somewhere else entirely, her daughter screamed with her and sobbed in her own pain. They were connected completely, whatever Sekhmet felt, Ayanami did as well, but she’d never really told her mother this because neither of them was entirely positive about the connection. But it was real, and the young doe felt her mother’s suffering as fear gripped her tightly. The hours ticked by, her mother had been gone so long, she tried to leave but her brothers wouldn’t let her. Sadiki seemed wrapped up in his head, obviously understanding more of this than she did. He had taken charge and not permitted any of them to leave, saying that their mother needed to be alone and that they’d just worry her if they left and got lost or something.
When the King awoke, she could tell something was different. The back of her head rested upon something smooth and cool, and her vision seemed to be shaded by something. Her hand reached up to brush the hair from her eyes, only to be stopped just in front of her face, her fingernails making a delicate clinking noise as they connected. Breathing out sharply in surprise, she smoothed her hand over the surface, finding that a glass mask had secured itself overtop of her head, though her mouth was still exposed and her hair slid out the bottom. She sighed fiercely, the emptiness in her chest telling her that something had changed yet again, only this time the results were very visible.
With a heavy heart, she picked up her sack and began to walk back, not having enough tears left to cry over the handsome stallion who still haunted her thoughts. There was so much sorrow within her, and now uncertainty. She’d have to try and find someone who could help her with this new development, maybe Bernard would. When she returned to her children, she hesitated before knocking on the door. Artemis was there first, her face going white with surprise.
“Sekhmet… I… Ayanami’s been a mess, she… they shouldn’t… what happened?” Several trains of thought tried to explode out at once, leaving the doe looking uncertain and spooked.
“I don’t know. I need to talk to Bernard, I think it has to do with my prior condition, as the pain started in my chest and I thought I heard… nevermind.” She sighed and leaned against the doorframe, the glass making a delicate noise as it hit.
“I can’t see your face. How can you see? You should go before the children wake and see you; you’ve been gone for hours.” She reached out to touch her sister who only inched back out of reach, a look of confusion on her face though Artemis couldn’t see it.
“Hours? You can’t see my face? I can see just fine, but you’re right... They shouldn’t see me like this yet, but I can’t leave them I just can’t. It’s not that I don’t trust you, I do, but I made a-” She paused in mid sentence as her daughter came around the corner, her face a wet, miserable mess despite having been asleep for a while.
“Mommy?... MOMMY?” She began to take in deep gulping breaths, overwhelmed entirely by the sight of her mother standing in the doorway. She screamed again, Sadiki bursting around the corner behind her to grab the female as she fell backwards into unconsciousness. His eyes rose up to the doe, wide and uncertain.
“Mom…? Are you okay?” He held Nami tenderly in his human embrace, though his face and his questions were all for the woman standing in the doorway.
Sekhmet hissed ‘shit’ under her breath, grabbing her stomach and feeling the terror and pain that had gripped her daughter. She forcibly regained all the composure she’d lost earlier and ran forward, embracing the doe along with her son.
“I’m… I’ll be alright okay? I’m still me, don’t worry. It’s a long story but I’m just fine.” She smiled though it was a blatant lie, she had no idea what was going on. Her world was falling and she was pulling at strings to keep it together. Sekhmet was aware of Tokasu standing forlornly at the corner only inches away, knowing he couldn’t really touch anyone without burning them, and made a mental note to comfort him once she’d taken care of Nami. Teremun had run out to join the embrace; tears streaming down his face after the initial shock had passed through him as well. She was happy for the glass covering for the moment, because when Sadiki leaned into the trio and started to cry silent tears, she did too.
; Well written, though. ^^
