idk when...

[/|/afamere]

I'm going to be gone for quite some time. I don't know when I will be getting back from my Hiatus. I'm going through some really tough relationship issues. Things have went too far and now I'm going back home.

I don't know when I will be back... so I'm going to go ahead and close all threads that I have open.

Thanks
~Nafa

[Lucca]

Oh no! I'm sorry to hear that, Nafa. I hope things get better and please, take as much time as you need.

[Nako]

Hey man, sounds like we're both going through a lot of shit lately; not the same shit on my side but about as bad. I hope things turn out well for you in the end.

[/|/afamere]

Things really do suck when you break up with someone. I mean... its bad enough at the time, but it just gets worse when your away from that person that you had thought was your special someone. I mean... I hate the fact that I try to think of everything that I could have done better, the things that I knew that I should have done to make things better and the fact of all the good memories that keep flooding back making me miss that person more and more. Everything keeps getting all jumbled up together and I just can't think strait much.

It really bites that I miss my son more than anything else, even though he was born from another. I hurts the most since I was there from before he was born and was around him the most. I miss the fact of waking up to find him in his crib smiling just because I was standing there with his bottle and a dipper. I really miss his laughter early in the morning like that. The way that he would get all exited when I pull out the baby food to feed him or the oatmeal his legs kicking in exitement.

I thought that I would miss her more than him... but I was quite mistaken. I really do miss him more.

THough it hurts to be here at my borthers house with his new wife... seeing them happy with one another, enjoying each others company with smiles and small jibs. It made me see how much I failed at my own relationship. It makes me wonder if I had done anything right with her. Makes me wonder what all I could have done ot make things a great deal better with our own relationship if I had listened to others and not myself.

I sit here wondering how Ethan will grow up, wondering what his first word is going to be, when he is going to start crawling instead of rolling around on the floor to get where he wanted to. What his favorit color was going to be. It really tears me up inside...

I just... I really wish things hadn't went the way they did, so that I could still be there for both of them.

>.>... I really don't know why I'm saying all this... but i Just need to spit it out somewhere... its not like I can call anyone, due to lack of phone and all.



Sorry for my muttering... I might just use the site to post up random things in this thread... hell I couldn't even sleep last night... reliving that last night over and over again... trying to figure out if I could have done anything to prevent what I saw and how I acted afterwords.

meh...

[Lucca]

Aww, Nafa, that is so so sad...but really, don't feel like it's all your fault because it's not. And you can feel free to post anything here, you know we are all here for you, okay? <3 *hug*

And I mean, as the father, can't you at least get visiting rights to see your son? Or is it too complicated for that?

[Nako]

This is going to be such a fail short response but....

Trust me when I say I truly think you weren't the problem.

[Callypso]

Nafa, I'm so sorry you're going through a hard time. If it helps any (and I'm not sure it will since I don't know all the details), I work in a family law office- if you are the paternal parent, then you absolutely have rights to your son unless the opposing side can prove, in Court, that there is a compelling reason against visitation. It's really hard to argue against a child having a relationship with both parents, even if the parent in question is overcoming psychological or drug abuse issues.

Technicalities aside, know that it's not your fault. Sometimes these things work out, sometimes they don't, but just know that either way it's okay. Letting go is painful and hard, but sometimes it's for the better, even if the positive side of things aren't so obvious at the moment.

Best of luck and I agree with Lucca- if you feel this is a safe space to let your feelings out, then go for it. We all go through tough situations and it always help to have others around to support you. *hugs*

[/|/afamere]

Thanks a bunch...

Nako... I'm going to try to call you later tonight on my brothers phone when he gets off work if that is ok.

Lucca: Thanks

Callypso: I'm not the real father, I just have been there from Day one til saturday. So I don't think I would win any sort of visitations or anything like that, since one we were never really married.

[Nako]

Alright then I'll take it off silent. I'll try not to miss it.

Edit:::

Shit! Dude, why do you have this kind of luck? I was literally in the room with my phone all day till I got up to cook dinner, and didn't think to bring the phone with me into the other room. Sorry I missed your call.