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Post by Satra on Feb 23, 2009 15:52:04 GMT -5
Hadrian would have preferred the garden, but he felt her office would be more private. He wanted no distractions. No potential for an "accidental" eavesdropper.
"Let's talk in your office, then. On the way we can find someone to dump him off on.," he paused, "I've named him Radek, by the way." He was surprised that he had to consciously stop him himself from making a jab at her about not wanting to wait around for her while their child went nameless.
Hadrian took some effort to keep Radek away from Anoushka as they walked. Not because he thought she would injure him or anything like it, but she needed to be eased into this, and his intrusive sniffing and snapping at her bindings was not a slow introduction.
He couldn't help but make side glances at her, though. The markings were slightly different, but the resemblance amazed him. The shape of the eyes, even the placement of the gold and their golden paw pads. Weird.
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Post by The Jenn on Feb 23, 2009 20:28:33 GMT -5
Anoushka motioned for them to join her and began walking in the direction of her office, sending little sideways glances towards the pair every now and again. "A good name. Radek." She let the sound sit on her tongue for a moment, consonant and strong. Well, his father was a Solandrian. She wouldn't expect anything too frilly or effeminate from Hadrian.
She appreciated him keeping control of the child until they reached somewhere he could duck in and ask for assistance. When he was back by her side, she continued the rest of the way with him in a slightly uncomfortable silence, unwilling to say anything more until they were in the relative privacy of her office. She shut the door and locked it behind them, moving over to drag her desk chair around so that it no longer faced the barrier of wood. That probably wasn't a good idea for this discussion.
"Alright. Before I say anything else, get it out now. Ve von't get anyvhere vith something hanging over our heads unsaid. You say your piece, and I'll say mine." It was a more gracious offer than she gave many people, but this wasn't the time to tiptoe around anything, not if she wanted some sort of peace from the situation.
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Post by Satra on Feb 23, 2009 20:58:44 GMT -5
"Thank you," he said in a somewhat tense voice. Part of him hoped she would be displeased with it, but that was the petty side of his anger.
Radek was not pleased by being removed from his Mother and made a pitiful noise after the closing door.
Hadrian traveled in silence next to Anoushka. He felt stupid that he was already forgiving her. Just being around someone seemed to make his anger at them dissipate. It was also her actions and her words that showed him she was unhappy with herself as well.
"Alright," he collected his thoughts, "I am... not happy with you. At all. I understand that you did not want children ever in your life, I can even understand your outburst the day you found out, but it's been six months since I've even so much as heard anything from you. What the hell, Anoushka?! I get orders from you through a grapevine of other people while I don't know if it's even 'safe' for me to be in any given case should I run into you? If I could've picked anyone else to have been the father, I would've, but you're punishing me for something that is not my fault! Suits, I - of all people - should not being saying this to you, but you should know better than that! I have been treated completely unfairly for this!" It was the first time Hadrian had ever raised his voice at Anoushka, and he tried not to. He tried to keep things calm, level, and sober. He tried to be political about it, but couldn't quite manage it. He couldn't stop his voice and hackles from rising as he ranted. He stared back at her, expecting an answer.
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Post by The Jenn on Feb 28, 2009 11:09:09 GMT -5
Anoushka paid no mind to the pup after he was out of their hair, her mind more focused on the canine next to her. She'd done very poorly by him, and while it wasn't the first time she had done someone a great disservice, that didn't make it any easier to swallow her pride and just talk.
Or listen. Actually, the listening would have to come first. She pressed one sharp tooth against the inside of her muzzle and just let him get it out, hackles and all. Very deliberately, she kept hers down. It wasn't easy - she didn't usually stay sitting down while someone was yelling at her - but it wasn't her place to be indignant. Not yet, and hopefully not at all today.
"Yes, you have been treated unfairly," she began in a careful, measured voice. She didn't want to put heat behind it, which would be all too easy. "My staying avay vas not so much a desire to punish you as it vas a lack of villingness to face you. Or the child. You spoke very correctly vhen you said that I did not ever vant children in my life. It seems that is unavoidable now and I must simply deal vith the conseqvences. Vhich, I suppose... I am now prepared to do. Vhat do you vant out of me, Hadrian?" It was asked in complete seriousness.
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Post by Satra on Mar 1, 2009 2:46:16 GMT -5
[Thar we go. The buzz has worn itself down to a workable posting level.]
The fur that was able to lie flat against his skin fell immediately. Suddenly, he felt guilty and ashamed. He shouldn't have raised his voice... everything he said was true, but he suddenly felt a lack of power behind his convictions the second she admitted she was wrong. His ears lowered slightly as he listened. Suits, how could he be so rude to someone he considered a friend and mentor?!
What did he want from her? Suddenly, he felt like an idiot. He had his complaints, but with no actual purpose behind them. Honestly, why did he pursue a career in politics if being political was his weakness?
"I just..." he took a breath in, "You've taught me so much and have been so patient with me and every time I fuck up. You-- I," he felt like an idiot saying it, but, "I see you as a friend and a teacher, and I know you have more to show me... I just... want you back."
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Post by The Jenn on Mar 2, 2009 17:28:36 GMT -5
He'd worked himself into saying all of that... and then backed down? The ears were a tell-tale sign. At least he wasn't yelling at her anymore. Her hackles had trouble staying down when someone raised their voice in her direction.
And his words were... touching. She'd never had someone say that to her, that they wanted her back despite all of the troubles they'd been going through. Fifty years ago, she would have given anything to hear that out of someone in particular's beak. In the long run, it was better that she hadn't. This was an entirely different situation, though with aching similarities from another way of looking at things.
"You've learned a lot over the past few years, Hadrian, and I'm not done being patient vith you. I just needed a little vhile to get over myself. Somevhat, anyvay. I'm still having issues, but I can deal vith them at my leisure, hopefully. They're old vounds and they shouldn't concern you. If I start behaving somevhat normally again, I have a feeling that things vill fall as they need to. Meaning that I vill make them do so, of course. I need to stop being aggravatingly dramatic. I vould slap myself six months ago, I think, if I'd seen it as an outsider."
She crossed her arms over her chest in a suddenly uneasy gesture. "I vill... agree to see the boy, on occasion. It is not your fault that this happened, or his. In good conscience, I cannot hold it against you. I vill hold it against myself instead, as I'm sure I'll have less time to live vith it than either of you."
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Post by Satra on Mar 2, 2009 19:59:55 GMT -5
Hadrian had no idea what she'd gone through in her past as she'd never spoken to him about it, but from what she said he was starting to make a few connections that possibly her initial anger went beyond just having a kid when she didn't want one.
He listened. Every sentence that passed made him feel happier, more secure. His ears even came up a little and his tail gave a wag when she mentioned she would see the child, even if only on occassion. He didn't want to force it on her, but over the past several months he'd come to hope she would come to accept their child. Ideally, he hoped she would love him, too, but wishful thinking in ridiculous amounts wasn't a healthy thing. Still, he could hope. Many of the things his Bog Mother had taught him about family stuck with him. He didn't much care for her last sentence, though. He knew she was old... it didn't suit her to acknowledge it like that.
When she finished, he took one tentative step toward her and paused. Then he moved forward all the way to her. He gently reached out with his snout and gave her purple hand a small lick.
"Thank you."
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Post by The Jenn on Mar 2, 2009 21:08:39 GMT -5
Anoushka despised thinking about her age and avoided the thought whenever she could. Sadly, of late, it was becoming harder to ignore. Her body simply wouldn't let her. Thankfully, she was still as sharp as a tack mentally, or else there would be serious problems.
...he was a sweet young thing, still mostly a pup himself. "I'll vork on it," she said quietly, giving the top of his nose a small scritch before rugging on a small strand of mohawk. "Besides, ve veren't getting as much done vithout being in direct communication. You're too effective a gofur to let off the hook that easily. Now... vhy don't you show me the pup. I need to see him up close at least vonce. Then maybe I von't feel so guilty."
She followed him back to the door where he'd dropped Radek off with one of the palace staff and waited, trying to hold back a grimace of nerves.
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Post by Satra on Mar 3, 2009 2:06:14 GMT -5
[Jenn, I forgot to squeedle on you in my last post since I had to rush off to work, but OMG ILU THANK YOU]
Hadrian let himself rest his head on her lap as she gave him a scritch on the nose and played a little with his mohawk. He gave a relaxed sigh. It never occurred to him how much he missed her smell. Maybe it was because whenever his snout was anywhere of the general vicinity of where it currently was, it was usually associated with good things. He lifted his head and nodded when she finished. there was a hint of surprise on his face. He wasn't expecting her to want to see him so soon, but if she wanted to he saw no problem with it.
"Alright. Don't feel like you need to spend more time around him than is comfortable for you for my sake. Ease into it slowly if you have to."
They headed back to where they had left Radek. As soon as he saw his mother, he raced as quickly and joyously as his uncoordinated legs and over sized paws would allow him to. Then his attention turned to Anoushka. He'd been visited by the black and purple ones before! And he recognized her as the same lady as before! The coloration struck a chord in him, registering as "I'm going to receive attention now" and he marched right up to her and sniffed her feet, gold tail wagging.
Hadrian stayed right near her side. He gently touched the side of her thigh with his nose. He knew this wasn't easy for her, for whatever reason, and just showing her a hint of support, he felt, would help.
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Post by The Jenn on Mar 3, 2009 12:13:58 GMT -5
Staring at the waggling, wiggling little puppy as he sniffed all around her feet, Anoushka felt a few conflicting emotions swirl around. She very carefully kept all of them off her face and looked down with a neutral expression.
Some part of her thought he was adorable. She'd always thought puppies were cute, whoever they belonged to and however obnoxious they became. There was always the reassurance that she could hand them back to their parents when she was done winding them up and making them hyper.
Some part of her, a larger part, ached when she looked at him. There was almost nothing of Hadrian in him. Honestly, she could have sired him or borne him from anyone and there was a chance he would turn out looking the same, whatever his personality. That was why it hurt. This could just as easily have been one of the children she'd had killed in Corvistowne. For all she knew...
And that was a horrible train of thought. She couldn't take more than a minute of watching him. Her breath hitched quietly and she turned, putting a hand on Hadrian's head briefly. "Yes, he looks fine." Then she had to leave. Quickly.
Old memories didn't die as easily as all that, did they?
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