Charming Ruminations Upon Banders and Such [Done!]

[Bee]

It was with great and incredible alacrity that Thalia picked up her dearest and most wonderful pet Monty and tossed him into the air. He sliced through the air in the room like a speedboat through glistening waves, teal waves that took on a golden hue in the sunset and smelled vaguely of chemicals and flowers because that was just kind of the smell in the house thanks to Mom and Mama.

She caught Monty with ease, and the little bander let out a tremendous snarl of utter hatred that could have slain a demon just to hear it, such was its power. Thalia, of course, was beyond such lesser beings, and merely snuggled her pet, who loved Thalia so dearly that he only sunk his little fangs into her tentacle once.

“Oh Iskra,” said Thalia, for indeed Iskra was in the room also, “you should give dear little Monty a toss!”

[Dark]

Iskra shook her head most effectively to indicate strongly the negative, “Dearest Thalia, I think not. For surely I will loose a limb!”

Iskra trusted Thalia’s dearest little pet as much as she would trust a traitorous, slithering snake or perhaps a creeping, venomous spider, or even better still, Thalia’s mother, Mnem, who walked the earth as evil personified, tainting everything she touched with her pedicure talons. Monty was not a beast to be trifled with, and even the terrible, terrifying Mnem treated the raging beast that was Monty with a grudging, cautious respect; predator to predator, they met on equal ground, each knowing and respecting the others’ ability to tear their prey limb from limb.

So by no means, on heaven or earth, would Iskra be giving dear little Monty a toss, for surely it would end in dire circumstances for her personage, and Iskra found in herself a deep desire to remain whole.

[Bee]

“Darlingest dearest Iskra,” Thalia said, snuggling Monty in the grip of her tentacles where he was partially immobilized, like a tiny devil stuck in the ice at the bottom-most circle of hell, “you shouldn’t fear Monty so, for he is squishy and adorable and desires nothing more than to be your bestest friend.”

Indeed Monty was snarling in a most charming and heart-warming manner, and Thalia was so very pleased that she could call such a wonderful little beast her friend. Oh, truly, no other bandersnatch was of this caliber! Monty was one in a million—in a very literal sense, he was probably one in an everything, for who else but Mama would ever recreate such a masterpiece? Could Mama herself even manage it? Certainly she had tried, over the years, frustrated by her lack of success. “Do you ever think about having a bander of your very own, Iskra? They are dear companions. Verily.”

[Dark]

Iskra had, indeed, briefly pondered on the acquisition of a fine bander to call her very own dear companion, and while the thought of a companion to confide in her most deepest, most secretive, secrets and desires agreed readily with her on the deepest level of her being, Iskra doubted that she had the time or heart to spare for such a venture. And, such sound reasoning set aside for a brief, soul-searching moment of consideration, she doubted in her heart-of-hearts that she would find that special connection she so desperately craved—such a craving to be on par with a druggie desperate for his next hit of checkmate; a wretched thing, this craving, that gnawed like a hungry beast on her soul—in such a creature so simple as a bander. Monty was a creature made entirely of a different cloth, being no ordinary bander, and Iskra doubted the satisfaction derived from his presence was entirely the same experience than that obtained through interaction with a common specimen.

“The thought has crossed by mind, from time to time,” like a wispy, insubstantial cloud, never paid much mind. “However, I doubt greatly the wisdom in my personage obtaining such a creature, as I simply do not have the required constitution necessary.” Verily, she would inevitably forget to feed the creature or some other crucial action of similar port, and the poor little thing would wither away from neglect. Best to avoid the affair entirely.

[Bee]

“Such tidings sadden my heart,” said Thalia with a deep frown and tearful eyes, as though she had just found a dozen kittens dead in a basket. Poor Iskra! She would have made such a wonderful friend for any lucky bander but alas, Thalia saw the truth in her words; she did not want any banders to die under neglect, and oh, how she knew the guilt of being responsible for an innocent creature’s demise would wound all their souls. Thalia herself usually fed the fish and snakes and mice she sometimes brought home; the chief difficulty was that, when they had reached a certain stage of plumpness, Monty seemed to declare them ripe as a peach for the plucking, and tore them to bits. Dreadfully hard to keep another pet, it was.

Then she paused. “Required constitution necessary? Sweet Iskra, I do believe our heartfelt conversation and the proximity to a creature as cute as Monty is making us redundant. Come, let us go to the kitchen, and feast upon the cookies and cakes that Mother has hidden.”

[Dark]

“A fine idea, indeed, dear Thalia,” Iskra agreed heartily, and followed her dear friend into the kitchen to feast upon the delicious sugary goodness that awaited them, for Thalia’s mother kept a fine stockpile of baked goods, indeed. For herself, Iskra choose a small ginger cake decorated demurely in a fine coating of powdered sugar and cinnamon, presenting itself to the world as the epitome of all things sweet and delicious.

Iskra bit into the miniscule cake and a perfect, angelic combination of earthy sweetness burst across her tongue; she hummed with pleasure, pleased to be able to experience such a delectable treat. With the second bite, dreamy with pleasure, Iskra forgot about the dreary conversation with her dear friend Thalia, and about monstrous little banders entirely.

Until Monty jumped up most majestically onto the counter and growling, most ferociously, stole one of her precious cakes. Iskra huffed, most put out with the occurrence. Such a horrid little beast to call a pet, verily.