Letters and Odds and Ends [Finished]

[Kari Muffin]

Rosewood stared at the letter once again. He wasn't particularly fond of Apocalypse, but it wasn't like he could refuse the King treatment. Unless he actually did something serious. He had gotten terribly close to doing something serious during one of the sessions.

But it was all in good faith. And if he refused the King of Hearts he was sure the Queen would have something to say about it. The man sighed as he slipped out of his room and took a seat in the waiting room. His secretary had already left for the evening and he would be alone with his client.

The swan sighed as he waited. Hopefully it was nothing too serious. He hadn't been very descriptive beyond wanting to meet. Hopefully he didn't let whatever problem he had fester, that would have made things far more complicated for all the parties involved.

He took a sip of tea as he continued to read through the file he had kept.

[carcinoGeneticist]

There was just no way around it. As much as Apocalypse never wanted to see the thrice-damned Tulgey again, even he could recognize he needed help. He'd worked himself into a frenzy before he'd finally decided that his only option was to talk to someone - and the only person he could talk to without worrying about word getting out. Doctor-patient confidentiality, or some such bullshit that he'd heard vaguely about.

The letter was just a formality, a warning that he'd be arriving as soon as he could find the time. Knowing that he had an appointment did soothe the King ever so slightly, but it wasn't enough on its own. He still needed to actually sit down and talk. And so, with the first rays of the sun, he'd saddled up an Ace and headed for the Capital. The Horse was the fastest route, and if he timed it right, no one would even realize he'd been gone. That would be best. He didn't... He didn't want anyone else to know. No one could know. He stood to lose everything.

The Horse was put to stable for the time being, and Apocalypse made his way towards the Swan's office, pulling his coat in closer around himself. He didn't particularly want to be noticed, not today, and clothing seemed to be the best way to ensure that didn't happen. A shirtless King who was as pale as snow was... recognizable. This at least helped him to blend in. He pushed the door open, ducking into the entryway and then glancing around. There was the receptionist, same as last time. But this time.. he knocked lightly at Rosewood's door, then pushed it open.

"I'm having nightmares." He announced without another word, flopping down into the chair.

[Kari Muffin]

Rosewood knew better than to expect things to go smoothly and in his way, but he was a little surprised when the man knocked and walked in without confirmation. The swan was still in the middle of sipping his tea when Apocalypse spoke.

Nightmares? That was fairly vague. If he was here the nightmares were probably a little more complex than that. He was obviously here because he was upset over them, and it could mean quite a bit. Especially if his initial diagnosis held true.

"If you're here in secret they're more than just simple nightmares. So what exactly are they about? Please don't hold back," Rosewood said with his normal calm voice, only it was slightly more feeling than it normally was with the last bit of his sentence. It was clear that Apocalypse wasn't here to linger, so he might as well make this go a quickly as it possibly could.

[carcinoGeneticist]

When it came to Apocalypse, nothing could ever be easy. Luckily, Rosewood understood that little fact well enough, so the King felt no need to pause to apologize for his sudden entry, or the way he just started right into things without prompting. That meant a few things to him. Firstly, it meant he wanted to actually get to business. Secondly, it meant he wanted to get an answer and get on to the rest of his bloody life as fast as possible.

Hopefully, Rosewood understood that aspect, too.

"I had a lot of memories, at first," Apocalypse spoke quickly, without thinking. He'd had another one the night before, and the memory of it was still weighing heavily on his mind. "Not good things - a lot of pain. I remembered ripping a man's throat out with my teeth, back before I was Xiven's King, back when I was still... I woke up tasting his blood in my mouth, and I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. Sometimes I dream about when I... Nnn."

He fell silent. No, no, he couldn't trust this man. How could he? Apocalypse raised sharp orange eyes to Rosewood, still completely silent as he considered the man. But.. he could trust him, couldn't he? It was in his eyes, sincere.. Part of him screamed not to listen. "I dream about when I died. It wasn't as big a deal, then, but now I know it would actually mean something."

Take that, crazy Tulgey freak.

[Kari Muffin]

Rosewood listened to the man speak with a curious expression on his face. He knew full well that Apocalypse was the violent sort, so he shouldn't have been surprised about a man having his throat ripped out by the King. And yet there was still a small bit of surprise. At least the King was finally being honest with him.

And then he dropped a bomb.

For a moment Rosewood thought he had misheard something. It wasn't every day someone said that they died in front of him. It was... possible he supposed. People died on operating tables and were brought back to life every now and again. Apocalypse didn't seem like one of these people with the way he acted but.... he hid a lot.

He shifted the papers he was holding in his hands for a few moments. "Dreams are complicated, and there are quite a bit of interpretations." The swan clipped his pen to his clip board. "Violence could easily mean that you have unexpressed rage. And to die in dreams generally means you're experiencing a dramatic change in your life. But I think it's a little different from you. You say you're reliving experiences."

How could he put this without getting a violent reaction? "There's a chance that this could be as simple as you enjoy inflicting violence on others but you're now afraid to die because you have something big to lose. Before... you didn't have something to hold on to so it didn't really matter. Or do you disagree?"

[carcinoGeneticist]

For a long moment, Apocalypse stared at the man, his expression level and calm. Then, he leaned forward.

"That might be true for some people." He spoke calmly and clearly, enunciating each word to be certain there could be no miscommunication between them. "But you know now, right, Rosie? You know that I'm not like most people. Haven't you heard the rumors?" His eyes lit up slightly, his smile spreading across his face. Then, in a flash, it was gone again. "If you haven't - I'm not going to be the one to tell you. But just assume, for the time being, that my life experiences mean that perhaps the normal doesn't always apply."

Then he shook his head, falling back into his seat and crossing his arms. His gaze shifted to the floor and stayed there. "...But that's not the point. I can deal with reliving memories. It's the other dreams. I can't... I can't get them out of my head, and if anyone else knew about them, I'd never be permitted to see my own damn children."

The words he was saying felt jumbled and confused, but so was Apocalypse. He didn't know where to stop, where to start. He just.. didn't know.

[Kari Muffin]

Rosewood had heard plenty of rumors. The Queen of Hearts was a Whore, her King was a Weapon, and so forth. But most of the time he brushed all the rumors off. There were plenty of rumors about all the Courts. It was hard to keep all of them straight, and he wouldn't believe them unless they came from the source.

"I know full well you aren't normal." Rosewood commented as he continued to watch the man's expressions and movements. There was always something more with him. He couldn't come out and say what was bothering him. Sometimes--no all the time--it was frustrating. He wondered how anyone put up with the man on a regular basis.

So he would have to wait until the man was willing to tell him the whole truth.

For a moment the bird's expression was one of mild surprise at the confession. It faded as soon as he opened his mouth. "Oh? What happens in these dreams that would prevent you from seeing your own children?"

[carcinoGeneticist]

To Rosewood, some of the King's emotions would be obvious. He was nervous. There was that cocky aggressiveness that meant that something was bothering the man deeply. There was a twitchiness to his movements, which were normally quite graceful. Apocalypse was disturbed deeply by something, and he couldn't even muster up the energy to be truly difficult with his therapist.

"If that was an insult I'll fucking kill you, Club," he snarled, but it lacked some of the normal vitriol and general feeling. The Bog's lip curled, but quickly smoothed out again. "That isn't what I said." But he wasn't going to get into it. There were other things at hand. More important - more urgent. The nightmares. In a nervous little motion, his tongue ran briefly across his scarred lip, and then he sucked it into his mouth to better chew on it. Then he stopped.

The dreams... He didn't really want to think about them again, but there was no getting away from it. He was sure that Rosewood was imagining something bad, and his mouth twitched into a smile that vanished as quickly as it had appeared. "Whatever you're thinking, it's worse."

Apocalypse raked a hand through his hair, pushing it back across his head. He stared at the ceiling. "I dream about killing them. I'm fucked up enough that there's no guarantee any of them will ever be able to live normal lives. It seems merciful."

[Kari Muffin]

"I don't make it a habit of insulting my clients." He said cordially, "I apologize if you took it as such." Though it was clear that his normal loathing wasn't behind the words. He seemed distracted by the problem that he was facing.

Which was apparently worse than what he thought?

The swan's brow arched as he heard the man's confession. And it was quite a confession. It wasn't every day a client admitted to something like that. Of course it could easily be worse... but considering what Rosewood had deduced from studying the man this was a horrible turn of events.

For a moment he remained silent as he looked at the side of the man's head. What were the right words for this delicate situation?

"You don't have a right to decide if they live or die," Rosewood said as he set his clipboard and pen on his desk. "Killing them would be robbing them of something precious. But I don't think your children's oddities are why you're having these nightmares. It might have something to do with a preexisting condition. Since you refuse to take medication... which probably wouldn't help much anyway.... there's not much that could be done."

The swan laced his fingers together, "The only thing that you can do is talk about your problems rather than keep them bottled up inside."

[carcinoGeneticist]

There was the anger again - hot, obscuring his vision for the briefest of seconds. This was a mistake. This was all one huge fucking mistake. It always had been a mistake, from the first visit to now. Why had he thought that the stupid doctor would be able to help this time, when he'd never done a damn thing for Apocalypse before? Now the King felt as if he was being lectured, when what he really needed was genuine help.

"I fucking KNOW that, prick," the man snarled, teeth bared. "I know it's not my decision to make and that even if I did make it, it would be the wrong one. That's why I haven't done it yet. But you can't tell me it has nothing to do with their... oddities. You know nothing about them. One's a little horrorshow, especially since his mother just up and abandoned him. One's a Club, and he's even more retarded than most. He got kicked out of preschool. Fucking preschool. His sister's rank... she's so low, so damn low, and she won't ever improve. She's too busy tripping balls because I was too stupid to keep track of who I fucked to know there was even a risk of Bog-babies popping up all over the place."

The outburst took a lot of the steam out of him, and he deflated visibly. He rubbed at his face with the palm of his hand. "I'm just... I love them. I love all of them, but I'm having these dreams and it - it scares me. I don't want to hurt them. Suits knows I'd kill anyone who looked at them oddly, but now it's my own brain that's the problem. I need help."