[FIN] Such Fragile Broken Things [Kari]

[Kari Muffin]

Oh dear. He was worried about what other people were thinking. This wasn't going to be easy.

But nothing ever was. Even the most worth while things were complicated.

"That is worrisome. You do seem rather thin," he said as he maintained eye contact. "Weight loss is sometimes a sign of depression and quite a few other things."

His voice was soft, and he was doing his best to be caring. This boy seemed to have gone through quite a bit--and it involved a Tulgey at some point. Ophelia had only filled him in on the details that she knew, which meant there were plenty of secrets.

"If you're uncomfortable about talking about any of this we can change the subject to something you'd like to talk about. Just so you know, I'm not here to make you feel awkward." He smiled brightly at the young man.

[Vyn]

Suddenly Seki felt terribly exposed.

He knew this Rosewood man meant well - every nervous glance into those pink eyes assured that - but Seki couldn't help but feel oddly on display in front of him.

It took all of his self control to keep from curling up into his usual ball of feline uncertainty. He just wanted to curl up, conceal himself, and disappear, but he knew that's what these doctor types were looking for. Ech! He was a Diamond, why couldn't he get the hang of this socializing thing?! If he could just keep his posture relaxed and his expression neutral than Rosewood would just scratch his head and send him along. That's what always happened with the other ones... Absently the feline swallowed and his tail curled up around his knees.

"I know... Uhm... I just don't know where to start?" What could he say? He kept glancing up into Rosewood's eyes and then looking away, trying hard to figure out how to talk his way out of this awkward situation. Instead his head was swirling with all the things he didn't want to say. The feline bit his lip and, finally, just surrendered. His shoulders slumped down and his ears pressed back against his little mane as his posture deflated entirely. "...I guess I've been messed up for a long time." He... could trust him? Right? He'd never told anyone this sort of thing. "I can't even remember a time when I actually liked food and it's only gotten worse with... everything else."

[Kari Muffin]

"So you never liked food and somehow something has made it worse?" He asked as he scribbled a note down. The boy was being wonderfully vague, and Rosewood would be as kind as always.

There was nothing in the handbook that said he should be nurturing. It just seemed after all the years he got more out of people being sympathetic. Even if they were only a pain in his ass. This boy, at least, seemed to actually be nice.

"Do you want to talk about those things that made everything worse, or do you want to talk about not liking food. It's a big step either way, and I think it would be more productive for your sake if we talked about the other things that are bothering you...." He set down his pen and gave the boy a reassuring smile. He could guess from the binding that the boy had a few problems from eating because of that.

[Vyn]

Dr. Rosewood was trying hard to give him suggestions, even Seki realized that, but the feline still felt terribly lost. He didn't know what to talk about or even if he wanted to talk about anything. He'd given up on himself such a long time ago when he'd moved to The Capital. He was just a broken, messed up person and he'd have to deal with that.

"Everything makes food worse." Seki sulked a little and finally surrendered to the urge to pull his knees up against his chest. "But it isn't about my weight, y'know? That's what everyone tells me. I know I'm skinny.. I always used to get beat up about how tiny I was and even now I still get bullied because of it." Just in different ways now. His boyfriends always managed to jump on the opportunity to use his frailty against him. If he couldn't defend himself, then he'd have to do what they said. "Anytime I try to eat, though, I just get sick. I think someone said it was because I'm anxious a lot? That's why my stomach's always twisting up and I get so ill after eating... but I don't even see why I should have to eat. When I'm empty I'm so light and I have so much energy... and, even when I'm tired..." His ears drooped and he shook his head, mane falling over his eyes momentarily.

"I just... wish I wasn't so screwed up anymore.. but I don't really know what to do. I spent a long time just trying to disappear and now..." he looked back up, bright green eyes wet with tears that had yet to fall. "...What if I'm not even capable of being fixed? I'm probably just wasting everyone's time."

[Kari Muffin]

Oh goodness.

Where should he start?

"Firstly, just because you have a few problems doesn't mean you're truly broken." Rosewood said as he gave the young cat a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "And secondly, I can easily prescribe something light for your anxiety. It should help with you at least deal with that. I can prescribe it in the form of tea just to make things easier to acclimate to."

He shifted. "As for not eating... I might have to recommend you to someone who specializes in diets. I'm sure you've heard this a million times, but when you're well fed you're in far better spirits than when you're not. Your eating disorder has a directly related to your mental health and well being. If we get you on a regular diet you might find that you feel better mentally. Would you be okay if I recommended you "

[Vyn]

There was a desperate look in Seki's green eyes. Did he really mean it? Even with the Tulgey's enchanted eyes, Seki found it hard to accept a truth like that as truth at all. But... he'd try, he'd try to believe because the man didn't seem the sort to lie. He wouldn't lie. The pat was both reassuring and unnerving, but he didn't pull away. Rosewood was nice, Seki wanted to trust him.

"Thank you... If you think so, I'll keep trying." He smiled weakly, the expression lacking both hope and happiness, but maybe it would get there over time. "Tea for my anxiety would be nice. I'd like that a lot." Tea and Juices were some of the few things he could easily ingest without upsetting his stomach.

And then he mentioned a diet specialist and the feline's curled body went rigid. "I.. Would... would they force me to eat.. or just, h-help with w-what to eat?" He knew Rosewood wanted to help, he kept reminding himself of that, but his mind was drawing back to dark woods and frightening wolves, and the sickening, painful sensation of being forced to eat and eat and eat. The feline whined.

[Kari Muffin]

Tea for anxiety. At least that would be an easy way to help. And maybe he could recommend a few sweet teas that might stimulate the boys appetite? That would be a slight way of helping. Of course to do that he would first have to see if the anxiety teas worked.

"They wouldn't force you to eat," Rosewood said as he watched the feline's anxiety return. Food was a huge problem for this poor boy. "They would help with setting you up with a list of proper foods to eat, and how often you should have meals. No one can force you to do anything, Seki. If you don't want to do it you don't have to."

He spoke softly, and in the most reassuring voice he could possibly have. "Everyone just wants to help you. And everyone is just worried for you. I promise no one will force you to do anything."

[Vyn]

No one could force you to do anything. "That's... not true. T-They tried to f-force feed me before..." He shook his head, his stomach clenching again. "Even now, y'know? There are plenty of people that force things on me." There was no escaping it. Even once the frightening woman in the Highlands had finally gotten bored of him, there was always someone else. He'd heard a long time ago that he was simply stuck in a 'cycle of abuse' and that he could escape if he tried but it never worked. He couldn't look in the mirror anymore, let alone confront the people who 'loved' him... He'd only disappoint them, that's all he ever seemed to do.

The feline let out a miserable sound, curling up tighter against himself and finally squeezing his eyes shut. He didn't want to look at Rosewood, he didn't want the reassurance, he just wanted to disappear. Rosewood was too kind, Father was too kind... everyone. He didn't deserve their kindness. He was too broken for that. He was just going to fail them all in the end and then he'd be the cause of their suffering again.

He just wanted to stop being a burden on everyone. "I don't want everyone to be worried about me." He slowly reopened his eyes, the wavering green orbs focusing on the Tulgey's pink eyes. "All I've ever been is a burden on my family. Even since I've left... I just don't want them to keep suffering for my sake, I'm not worth it."

[Kari Muffin]

"As long as you're here and as long as I'm your therapist, no one can force you to do something you don't what to do. I promise I won't force you to do anything. You have to want to follow my advice for anything to work." So someone had tried to force feed him before? Was it a member of his family? The swan shifted the papers that were in his lap. As he watched the feline. What had the poor little mix been through?

"People worry about you because they care about you. You may not want them to worry, but they're going to anyway. You can't stop that. Parents, friends, and family have the tendency to worry about you no matter what." The swan said softly.

"If you're uncomfortable we can talk about something else." He needed to remind Seki of the option. If he got too uncomfortable they wouldn't make any sort of progress, and he would be less likely to actually follow the advice that was being given.

[Vyn]

Seki watched Rosewood intently as he spoke, waiting for the little 'tell' that would give away his lies. ...Was there one? Could Rosewood really mean all this? The little feline continued to cling to himself, steadying his breathing.

He wanted help... he just, didn't know how to go about asking for it properly. He bit his lip, looking down at the floor. "How do I make them stop?" He swallowed heavily, trying to force back his nerves. He supposed this was the question he'd been wanting to ask all along though he didn't really know how to go about it. "I know my family is never going to stop loving me... even if I don't deserve it... but the other people... how do I make them stop? They've always hurt me, ever since I was little when my brother would bully me. M-My sister says I'm stuck in a cycle of abuse."

There. It was out. Could someone even help him with this? What if it was just his nature? He'd tried to say no before, to leave... but somehow he always wound up in the same places, with the same people.

"A-Are you sure I have just a few problems?" Seki smiled but the expression was empty. Really, was there any way to save him?