Post by Kari Muffin on Jan 27, 2010 2:14:59 GMT -5
This is just something I needed to get out of my head. <3 Nothing All that impressive, just Xiven dealing with dependency on Kamina not so well.
Make Yourself Believe
She hated it.
What was there to like about being high? She wasn't in control of her life, her actions, and her body when she was. It left her open to one to many things for her to be comfortable.
And yet she did it. Every two days she would smoke her daughter so she wouldn't have to suffer the pain and be out of commission until she did smoke her daughter. And she was still "out of commission" for an extend period of time. It wasn't like she could do anything while she was high.
Xiven continued to sign her paperwork.
Emeraude was sitting on the windowsill, watching the woman curiously. "You know you should probably...."
"I know." She said as she set the pen down. She was in her bedroom with every intention of of doing the same damn thing she did every two days. But right now... she didn't want to. She didn't want to use her daughter for something like that. It was wrong. It was pathetic. And she hated it.
The pain was already starting. She could feel it creeping into her temples. The lights seemed brighter than they actually were. It wouldn't take too long for her to go blind and stumble over to the bed clutching her head. Her stomach knotted in protest.
No, she wasn't going to resort to Kamina. She was going to try to get through this on her own. Xiven slowly slipped away from her desk and made her way to her bed, flopping on it and curling into a ball. Emeraude's footsteps echoed far louder than they should have.
"Xiven..." she said quietly. The Queen could feel the woman sitting on the bed beside her. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yes," Xiven sad as she clutched at her head. Why were the headaches so damn fast? Wasn't there some way to stop this? "I don't... I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life. I really do hate it."
"You can do it, if anyone can, you can."
"T-Thanks," Xiven said after a movement. The lights were getting too bright. A small hiss escaped the woman as she tried to curl tighter into her ball. When it came to pain Xiven wasn't the best at management. She had always had a week pain ability, and in general she wasn't used to pain. Pain like this was a different breed from giving birth or having a limb cut up or having her tail melted off. She honestly would have preferred to relive having her tail melted off over and over and over again than have to deal with this pain. "T-there has to be some magic to stop... this..." she broke into a whimper.
She could feel Emeraude's gently placing her hand on her shoulder. It was reassuring. But it wasn't what Xiven wanted right now. She wanted the pain to go away. She knew the only solution for that, but she didn't want to use it. It was better to go through the pain than go through the shame of such an act. She didn't want to /use/ her daughter. She wanted to love her just like her other children.
Xiven squeezed her eyes shut. The lights were burning and she couldn't see further than an inch in front of her, so what was the point of keeping them open?
Why was this happening to her?
She loosened her grip so she could grab a pillow blindly and bury her face in it. This was a nightmare. What had she done to deserve this? Why had Kamina been born like that?
A strangled sound escaped the woman. She couldn't think beyond the pain. She could feel the bed moving. And then she heard the door snap shut. It was enough to make her cringe, even if in reality the door had been carefully closed.
Apocalypse. She wanted to talk to him. Apologize for being so useless when they needed a proper Queen.
Rhiannon. She wanted a hug from Rhiannon.
And she wanted to play with her children. Be a good Mom. But that was never going to happen as long as she was such a failure. As long as she was dependent on Kamina there was no way she could live a proper life. It may have been a few hours out of the day, but that was still a few hours out of the day that she could never get back.
Pain.
At least Calanthe didn't know about this?
She missed the initial click of the door as she struggled to focus on something. Thinking just grew more difficult as she continued to bury her face in the pillow. The door shut, far harder than it should have, and the Queen yelped as she choked back the vomit that was threatening to make her even more miserable. She had done that several times and hated the idea of vomiting while her face was in a pillow.
There were faint footsteps. She didn't bother to look up as she felt someone sit on the bed, and someone else jump onto it. It wasn't until she smelt mint did she actually shift her position.
Othello slipped into his mother's arms. He licked away the tears as the woman squeezed him tightly.
There just had to be a way to beat this.
Make Yourself Believe
She hated it.
What was there to like about being high? She wasn't in control of her life, her actions, and her body when she was. It left her open to one to many things for her to be comfortable.
And yet she did it. Every two days she would smoke her daughter so she wouldn't have to suffer the pain and be out of commission until she did smoke her daughter. And she was still "out of commission" for an extend period of time. It wasn't like she could do anything while she was high.
Xiven continued to sign her paperwork.
Emeraude was sitting on the windowsill, watching the woman curiously. "You know you should probably...."
"I know." She said as she set the pen down. She was in her bedroom with every intention of of doing the same damn thing she did every two days. But right now... she didn't want to. She didn't want to use her daughter for something like that. It was wrong. It was pathetic. And she hated it.
The pain was already starting. She could feel it creeping into her temples. The lights seemed brighter than they actually were. It wouldn't take too long for her to go blind and stumble over to the bed clutching her head. Her stomach knotted in protest.
No, she wasn't going to resort to Kamina. She was going to try to get through this on her own. Xiven slowly slipped away from her desk and made her way to her bed, flopping on it and curling into a ball. Emeraude's footsteps echoed far louder than they should have.
"Xiven..." she said quietly. The Queen could feel the woman sitting on the bed beside her. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yes," Xiven sad as she clutched at her head. Why were the headaches so damn fast? Wasn't there some way to stop this? "I don't... I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life. I really do hate it."
"You can do it, if anyone can, you can."
"T-Thanks," Xiven said after a movement. The lights were getting too bright. A small hiss escaped the woman as she tried to curl tighter into her ball. When it came to pain Xiven wasn't the best at management. She had always had a week pain ability, and in general she wasn't used to pain. Pain like this was a different breed from giving birth or having a limb cut up or having her tail melted off. She honestly would have preferred to relive having her tail melted off over and over and over again than have to deal with this pain. "T-there has to be some magic to stop... this..." she broke into a whimper.
She could feel Emeraude's gently placing her hand on her shoulder. It was reassuring. But it wasn't what Xiven wanted right now. She wanted the pain to go away. She knew the only solution for that, but she didn't want to use it. It was better to go through the pain than go through the shame of such an act. She didn't want to /use/ her daughter. She wanted to love her just like her other children.
Xiven squeezed her eyes shut. The lights were burning and she couldn't see further than an inch in front of her, so what was the point of keeping them open?
Why was this happening to her?
She loosened her grip so she could grab a pillow blindly and bury her face in it. This was a nightmare. What had she done to deserve this? Why had Kamina been born like that?
A strangled sound escaped the woman. She couldn't think beyond the pain. She could feel the bed moving. And then she heard the door snap shut. It was enough to make her cringe, even if in reality the door had been carefully closed.
Apocalypse. She wanted to talk to him. Apologize for being so useless when they needed a proper Queen.
Rhiannon. She wanted a hug from Rhiannon.
And she wanted to play with her children. Be a good Mom. But that was never going to happen as long as she was such a failure. As long as she was dependent on Kamina there was no way she could live a proper life. It may have been a few hours out of the day, but that was still a few hours out of the day that she could never get back.
Pain.
At least Calanthe didn't know about this?
She missed the initial click of the door as she struggled to focus on something. Thinking just grew more difficult as she continued to bury her face in the pillow. The door shut, far harder than it should have, and the Queen yelped as she choked back the vomit that was threatening to make her even more miserable. She had done that several times and hated the idea of vomiting while her face was in a pillow.
There were faint footsteps. She didn't bother to look up as she felt someone sit on the bed, and someone else jump onto it. It wasn't until she smelt mint did she actually shift her position.
Othello slipped into his mother's arms. He licked away the tears as the woman squeezed him tightly.
There just had to be a way to beat this.
