Seeking feedback on a story

[Greenie]

Hey, everyone. I'm a creative writing class and my final fiction portfolio is due soon. I'm wondering if anyone would mind reading my story for me and give me some feedback. Please note that I'm not looking for criticism or a whole lot of critique - I've recently had an absolutely terrible work shopping experience and I'm not looking to dive back into that anytime soon. I know a lot of you are strong writers, a lot stronger than myself, but I'm not looking to have this torn to bits. I'm not afraid of negativity, but if you get halfway through my story and have an uncontrollable urge to tear it to bits, please close the window and walk away.

I'm looking for people to look at my grammar, my sentence variety (I tend to repeat words close together without realizing it), my originality, my characters' strength and the general appeal and readability of the story.

That said, my story:
-Deals with a semi-tough topic, anorexia. It's not super upfront, but if you're uncomfortable with the subject you might not want to read.
-Is roughly 4 pages long double spaced
-Is based off of my own personal observations and experiences in helping others deal with anorexia

If anyone's interested in reading, hit me up and I'll PM the story to you.

Thanks for your help in advance, and I apologize if I'm a bit brusque with this - I'm very touchy about people reading my work after how my classmates handled it.

[Lauryn de Vampyre]

I'm great at catching grammar and repeated words! XD (And of course I'll be looking for your other bits too!)

Hit me up, I'll give it a read!

[Lucca]

Sure, I'll give it a go, Greenie. Although when is it due? I might not be able to get to it until Sunday.

[Harpsdesire]

I can give it a read.

I usually have lots of ideas for improving sentence structure and so forth, probably not so much help when it comes to actual content... I'm an A+ college paper writer, but a creative writing beginner.

[Greenie]

Thanks guys! I PMed it to you all.

Lucca, it's not due until the 17th.

[Callypso]

If you need another set of eyes, I'm game!

[Lucca]

Ah cool. I can get to it long before then. <3 Probably tomorrow, but if not, definitely Monday.

[Greenie]

If anyone's interested in reading the revised piece it's here. No comments/feedback necessary, but if someone could look it over and make sure I didn't miss anything obvious that would be nice. :3 <3

[Harpsdesire]

Looks good and error free to me!

[Lauryn de Vampyre]

"I dunno," she started...

Did you mean started, or stated? Because from the next sentence started wouldn't work because the next time she speaks she wasn't continuing a thought.

Noodles. XD What an AWESOME name for a restaurant!!! <3 I forgot to mention my Noodle name love in my PM.

"Her arms had been loosely at her sides but moved once again across her ribs. She crossed her legs..."
If you read that aloud, the two cross'es kind of trip you up. Maybe Moved once again OVER her ribs?

Again I just want to say that I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. <3 Minimalism is a gift!