Worse Day Ever!!!

[/|/afamere]

Today had started off as one of the best in my life. I was going to spend some time with my fiance and have a blast! I love this woman with all my heart and soul. I have never fell so hard for a woman like this before. I love her like you couldn't believe.

btw... sorry for spilling this out on the boards... I just... need to vent.

She was my everything that I wasn't... I plan out everything in my life... where she lives by the moment. She loves to go out and have fun with many people where I liked to stay home... everything about us, Save family, was different.

Though today... We decided to have shots of Green Apple vodka together to have some fun before we played Dungeons and Dragons Advanced together. So yea... we were drunk... and she brought up the fact that she was sober enough to drive... I had said no she wasn't... I had told her that I would go outside and rip out the distributor wires and cut them.

She got pissed and said she didn't want to see me or talk to me...

So I stepped outside and she walked out there with me.

Once outside she stated: "That I needed to get my ass inside and put a smile on my face or else."

Me: "Look here... I hate the fact that I have to keep jumping through all these hoops to stay with you... always playing catchup to appease her every wish."

Her: "FUCK YOU!"

Me: "Steven take her home... here is $10"

So I got in the car... and was about to give her life line (Her cell phone... WHICH I FUCKING HATE!!! Due to all her x-boy friends always want her back) and that was when she through the vodka bottle through my window of my car... I sped off because I didn't want to start a fight in front of our friends...

I fucking love her... and all at the same time... i DON"T want to be her little play thing. I am not like that... I hate her... and want her to stay away... and yet.. want to be with her...

She may be pregnate with my child... and I know that she is going to go and get wasted tonight... and probably smoke some illegal things... she is going to miscarry my child... our child... and it hurts soo bad...

Right now I can't even stand it... I love her and hate what she is about to do...

I just want to sleep... and never wake up... when I was speeding down the road at about 140-160 I wanted to get hit by something or hit something soo bad...

My life is fucked up... I... just don't know what to do...

I need to get my mind off things... I really do... I am soo messed up that I can't think strait... though I am keeping myself sane and keeping myself from anything that I would regret later.



Sorry for ranting...

[carcinoGeneticist]

Nafa, this is going to sound really harsh.

But this is not a healthy relationship. At all. I think you already know what needs to happen, but you're afraid of being alone. Trust me. Being alone is better than this.

I'm so sorry life is treating you so badly, but you need to take care of yourself. Good luck.

[/|/afamere]

Thanks Xenon... it means a bunch to me... I know it needs to be done... Really I do. I want to leave her so bad that I can't stand it.

But your right... the need to be with someone is starting to affect me much more than it should... but you can't help those that you fall in love with.

[carcinoGeneticist]

You need to listen to what you're saying, Naf. If you want to leave, on any level, then that's what you should do. Hold out for someone who will treat you better and, in the end, actually make you happy.

[/|/afamere]

Thanks a lot... it means a lot to me what you said. It helps out so much. Having someone else to tell me that that isn't around me helps out a lot.

Thanks... we will see what the future holds, and I hope it plays out like I want it to.

[Harpsdesire]

Nafa, you know in your heart what you need to do. You deserve to be happy.

[Lucca]

Nafa I feel really worried for you after reading this. I really agree with Xenon. I don't want to see you torture yourself over this...

[Nako]

Naf. Get out of this relationship right now. For once in your goddamn life, please listen to something I say -when- I actually say it and not when it's too late. Because I'm saying the same thing your common sense is telling you which is to run as if your ASS IS ON FIRE.

And you're dating a -mean- drunk who wants to DRIVE drunk and is wiling to get WASTED if she's pregnant. Just think about that.

[Callypso]

Nafa, this really, really bothers me. It sounds very much like you're in an extremely abusive relationship. Emotional abuse is equally bad as someone who takes a swing at you - and it sounds like this woman is engaging in the exact kind of cyclical behavior that will reel you in time and time again. I have to agree with the others: You need to get OUT of this relationship.

I understand you might feel some sort of obligation as there may or may not be a child involved, but even if there is one, your obligation will be to the child, not this abusive woman.

Love, real love, is one that bolsters both of you and helps you change and grow. Not one where someone makes you feel bad and creates self-doubt and the kind of agony it sounds like you're going through.

We're here for you buddy, but you need to take care of you! Good luck!! <3

[Satra]

I should probably know better than to offer my two cents on the matter, but if it'll hep you get out of this relationship, then I'll do it.

Yes, you can't help who you love, but sometimes you just have to kick love in the balls and look at the logic. This woman is abusive and not worth your attention. You have your friend, Nako, who is worried about you and is advising you against this relationship. True, your friends aren't the ones in the relationship, you are, but it IS advisable to listen to your friends on these issue. Your friends care about you.

I know I'm going to sound very cruel saying this: but if she miscarries, it might be a blessing in disguise. Consider this woman and her actions. Would you really want her having a hand in raising a child? I wouldn't. I'd fear for that child.

Yes, love makes you do the wacky, but for the love of God, man. THINK. You're being used. End of story.