Post by Bee on Aug 29, 2011 22:47:26 GMT -5
Weirdest thing I have ever written.
______
EXT: A DARKENED STREET. A SHORT BRUTISH GIRL stands with a TALL BLONDE kitted out like SOME REALLY WEIRD KIND OF HOOKER. Painted with PRISMACOLOR MARKER and BEDECKED IN SKIMPY PAPER.
"Please!" begged the Dark. "Anything but this! I shall repay you somehow!"
"Nein," snapped her merciless madam. "You have stalled long enough! Service the good people of SoD or thy life be forfeit upon the morrow!"
The Dark wept and wept some more, but seeing the cold hard eyes of the madam not glimmer once with the twinkle of sympathy, she trudged to her street corner. She waved her marker at passersby, the calling card of art whores worldwide. "Alms for the poor!" she cried. "Art for my life!"
A young maiden named Kari did stop before the Dark, and took pity on her. "You know what will please me," she said. "It involves a giraffe."
Dark wept more at the Terrible Muffin's perversion, but did as she wished.
No sooner had she fulfilled the Muffin's desires than another pulled up, clearly a friend of the Dark's most recent client. Spake the classiest of Vyns, "Darling, I am in need of more savage fare, and lots of it."
"Not in the streets!" wailed Dark. "Not while the Muffin still watches, in her post-giraffe stupor! Meet me in the mature section at the end of my shift, I shall please you there! Have a little taste of my skill now, but the rest shall be in reserve."
The Vyn huffed, but verily she was intrigued by what the Dark might have in store. "One hour," she said, and rolled up the tinted windows of her glamorous vehicle. The Muffin joined her, and they departed.
"HEY FUCKASS," roared the bestial Xenon, no sooner than they had left. "DID YOUR BOSS SMACK THE SMART OUT OF YOUR SYPHILITIC THINKPAN? I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR TWENTY MINUTES, GET YOUR WEEPING BARELY EVOLVED HEAD OUT OF YOUR EXCRETORY HOLE AND GET OVER HERE."
From her very tone the helpless Dark could tell what the most potent of trioxides coveted!
The savage Xenon stomped into the blackest of nights. But in her wake approached the huffliest of puffs, the highest of all Clubs, the Jenn of Jenns.
She began to sing.
"Do what you want 'cause a pirate is free! YOU. ARE. A PIRATE."
"No she's not," shrieked Madam Bee, blocks away. My how her voice carried! "She is a very bad art whore! FUCK NOW THAT SONG IS STUCK IN MY HEAD FOREVER."
Dark smiled. She gave the Jenn what she clearly wanted, and was pleased in turn by her mistress's suffering.
The melodious sound of harps, or Harps rather, carried down the alley, floating on the current of an awful pun.
"Sweet Dark," said the Harps. "I wish only for the sweetest of Torque romances, or perhaps a rabbit."
Dark was unversed in the art of romance, but plenty and more she knew of rabbits!
The deed done, Dark turned to face a mighty sea goddess.
"I want a backhand!" she bellowed. The Dark flinched! But she did not miss her turn, for a Pokemon she was not.
"That costs extra!" proclaimed the Dark, but Callypso did consent to the additional charge. But she was to be surprised, for Dark and her mistress the cruelest of bees had been playing far too much Little Big Planet.
The art was more perverse than she ever could have dreamt in her wildest of nightmares.
Exhausted the Dark was from her perilous night, but more was to come. A vampire slinked to the corner, and with a lascivious leer, hissed, "Do my whole family!"
"That is far too much effort!" squeaked Dark, who was the laziest art hooker that ever did live. "You shall have to be content with less!"
Dark slumped in the gutter, her drawing hand cramped and her paper garment wrinkled and erased to frayed scraps. "Mercy," whimpered the Dark. As though in response to her plea, the whole block was suddenly illuminated! Wide were the eyes of the Dark, and awed, for from the heavens descended the Mod of Mods, the Queen of Queens, the Holiest of Holies.
"Sorry about all the light," said the Nat. "They were having a sale on floodlamps at Jerry's."
The Dark prostrated herself before the Honorable Honored One of Honor. "Your wish is my command!"
"My love," said the Nat, most tenderly. "My glorious little Dark. I desire only the longest of limbs, the beakiest of faces, the most enthralling of Jokers. And some rabbits."
Her will was done! When she departed, lifting herself back unto the stars, the cruel madam did approach her Dark, and said, "You have done well. Get into the trunk of the car and I'll let you rest in my closet."
"I am moved from the pig pens?" marveled the Dark, tears unshed glimmering in her eyes.
"For now," sniffed the Bee disdainfully. Before they could leave, however, a very familiar vehicle pulled up alongside them!
"Bitch," articulated the Vyn most eloquently, "where are mah swampbabehs?"
And the Dark did weep once more.
______
EXT: A DARKENED STREET. A SHORT BRUTISH GIRL stands with a TALL BLONDE kitted out like SOME REALLY WEIRD KIND OF HOOKER. Painted with PRISMACOLOR MARKER and BEDECKED IN SKIMPY PAPER.
"Please!" begged the Dark. "Anything but this! I shall repay you somehow!"
"Nein," snapped her merciless madam. "You have stalled long enough! Service the good people of SoD or thy life be forfeit upon the morrow!"
The Dark wept and wept some more, but seeing the cold hard eyes of the madam not glimmer once with the twinkle of sympathy, she trudged to her street corner. She waved her marker at passersby, the calling card of art whores worldwide. "Alms for the poor!" she cried. "Art for my life!"
A young maiden named Kari did stop before the Dark, and took pity on her. "You know what will please me," she said. "It involves a giraffe."
Dark wept more at the Terrible Muffin's perversion, but did as she wished.
No sooner had she fulfilled the Muffin's desires than another pulled up, clearly a friend of the Dark's most recent client. Spake the classiest of Vyns, "Darling, I am in need of more savage fare, and lots of it."
"Not in the streets!" wailed Dark. "Not while the Muffin still watches, in her post-giraffe stupor! Meet me in the mature section at the end of my shift, I shall please you there! Have a little taste of my skill now, but the rest shall be in reserve."
The Vyn huffed, but verily she was intrigued by what the Dark might have in store. "One hour," she said, and rolled up the tinted windows of her glamorous vehicle. The Muffin joined her, and they departed.
"HEY FUCKASS," roared the bestial Xenon, no sooner than they had left. "DID YOUR BOSS SMACK THE SMART OUT OF YOUR SYPHILITIC THINKPAN? I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR TWENTY MINUTES, GET YOUR WEEPING BARELY EVOLVED HEAD OUT OF YOUR EXCRETORY HOLE AND GET OVER HERE."
From her very tone the helpless Dark could tell what the most potent of trioxides coveted!
The savage Xenon stomped into the blackest of nights. But in her wake approached the huffliest of puffs, the highest of all Clubs, the Jenn of Jenns.
She began to sing.
"Do what you want 'cause a pirate is free! YOU. ARE. A PIRATE."
"No she's not," shrieked Madam Bee, blocks away. My how her voice carried! "She is a very bad art whore! FUCK NOW THAT SONG IS STUCK IN MY HEAD FOREVER."
Dark smiled. She gave the Jenn what she clearly wanted, and was pleased in turn by her mistress's suffering.
The melodious sound of harps, or Harps rather, carried down the alley, floating on the current of an awful pun.
"Sweet Dark," said the Harps. "I wish only for the sweetest of Torque romances, or perhaps a rabbit."
Dark was unversed in the art of romance, but plenty and more she knew of rabbits!
The deed done, Dark turned to face a mighty sea goddess.
"I want a backhand!" she bellowed. The Dark flinched! But she did not miss her turn, for a Pokemon she was not.
"That costs extra!" proclaimed the Dark, but Callypso did consent to the additional charge. But she was to be surprised, for Dark and her mistress the cruelest of bees had been playing far too much Little Big Planet.
The art was more perverse than she ever could have dreamt in her wildest of nightmares.
Exhausted the Dark was from her perilous night, but more was to come. A vampire slinked to the corner, and with a lascivious leer, hissed, "Do my whole family!"
"That is far too much effort!" squeaked Dark, who was the laziest art hooker that ever did live. "You shall have to be content with less!"
Dark slumped in the gutter, her drawing hand cramped and her paper garment wrinkled and erased to frayed scraps. "Mercy," whimpered the Dark. As though in response to her plea, the whole block was suddenly illuminated! Wide were the eyes of the Dark, and awed, for from the heavens descended the Mod of Mods, the Queen of Queens, the Holiest of Holies.
"Sorry about all the light," said the Nat. "They were having a sale on floodlamps at Jerry's."
The Dark prostrated herself before the Honorable Honored One of Honor. "Your wish is my command!"
"My love," said the Nat, most tenderly. "My glorious little Dark. I desire only the longest of limbs, the beakiest of faces, the most enthralling of Jokers. And some rabbits."
Her will was done! When she departed, lifting herself back unto the stars, the cruel madam did approach her Dark, and said, "You have done well. Get into the trunk of the car and I'll let you rest in my closet."
"I am moved from the pig pens?" marveled the Dark, tears unshed glimmering in her eyes.
"For now," sniffed the Bee disdainfully. Before they could leave, however, a very familiar vehicle pulled up alongside them!
"Bitch," articulated the Vyn most eloquently, "where are mah swampbabehs?"
And the Dark did weep once more.
