So Long and Goodnight [Finished]

[Kari Muffin]

Ezekiel gave his mother a weak smile in return. He would stop crying and go home. That would help. But didn't they still want to run tests on him or something? And... shouldn't he... see them?

No. He wasn't strong enough for that. If they wanted to do tests they could do them later. Facing things right now were just impossible. It was probably the wrong thing to do--it was the wrong thing to do--but he just couldn't face what he had done. His brother. God. Why?

"O-okay, Mom. It sounds like a fantastic plan," He said as he continued to brush away the tears. This wasn't going to go away for a long time. It was the truth, and it was like a stab in the eye. A sob slipped out of his beak as he shook his head at the nurse who came up behind him. She didn't look happy that he was refusing treatment.

"L-let's go," Ez said as he offered his mother his hand.

[carcinoGeneticist]

Calia took Ez's hand in her own, leaning in and kissing his cheek softly. "Ez... It'll get better in time.[/b]" she said, giving the nurse A Look over his shoulder. He was a bird. He was in fine health, and if he wanted to leave, then she would be the one to take him away. No one would get in the way of that, and no one would be able to pry her from his side until she was sure that he was safe.

She walked with him back to his apartment, never once even losening her grip on his hand. Once they had reached his home, she had immediately set about drawing him a warm bath, then feeding Azzy while he bathed. She knew, from the knot that had built itself in her stomach, she had to keep herself busy. If she stopped for even a moment, she knew that she would break down immediately. Water heating on the stove for tea, she sat down outside of the bathroom door, gently petting the Bander while she waited for her son to finish up inside.

[Kari Muffin]

Ez was more than thankful for his mother. She thought of everything right to do, from the bath to feeding Azzy. It took him a while to get out of the bath though, he had more than one fit filled with crying. He just hoped that his mother hadn't heard.

He slowly dried himself off and grabbed one of his bathrobes instead of his corset. He might as well loaf about rather than look pretty. The sparrow sighed as he slipped out of the bathroom. "You know, you don't have to stay if you don't want to. I don't want to cause you any trouble."

He crouched down to run his fingers through Azzy's fur. At least she would love him unconditionally despite all the idiotic things he did. And his mother... though he could never tell her what he did. How could she put up with having such awful and selfish children he could never understand.

[carcinoGeneticist]

The feeling of the bander's fur under her hands was a good way to ground herself, especially when the sounds of her son's weak crying were managing to make their way through the walls of the house. She was calmed by the knowledge that when she left, the good-natured creature would be here to make sure he wasn't alone.

When Ez emerged from the bathroom, Calia stood slowly, giving him another small smile and struggling to keep her mixed rage and sorrow from surfacing once more. The combination... Was nauseating, and it was almost as hard to keep from vomiting as it was to keep from screaming and crying and breaking things.

"I'll stay as long as you need me to, Ez.[/b]" she said, moving into the kitchen and pouring him a hot cup of tea, handing it to him. Her own emotions could wait for the time, and having Ez right there only made it easier for her to deal with them. She laughed softly. "At least until you go to bed, anyway. I'll be back over tomorrow, though, with some food.[/b]" She wanted him to feel completely and totally pampered, and beyond that, it would give her more to do, to keep her mind off of the horrible events.

[Kari Muffin]

Ez took the tea without protest and watched Azzy rub up against his mother's legs. She knew that something was wrong and she was doing her best to fix it. Banders were adorable sometime. "Thank you," Ez muttered as he walked over to his sofa and sat down carefully with his tea. Gah. His face hurt, his body was sore, and his life was hating him rather smashingly right now.

He quietly sipped his tea, tears still making their way out of his eyes. How... could he still be crying after so many tears already? A sob was choked back as he continued to drink his tea.

"I don't know if I can go to sleep.... I can't stop thinking. It just goes over and over in my head. It just won't leave me alone," he choked. The hurt would never get easier. It would never go away. He would always feel the mistake deep down inside of him. With a slight clatter of ceramic on glass he place the teacup on the coffee table. The sparrow looked over to his mother with a teary-eyed, lost expression.

When had things gotten so complicated?

[carcinoGeneticist]

Calia walked with him, sitting on the floor in front of the couch so that she could look up at her son. He needed to try and keep hydrated, and the tea would probably help with that. His words rang true, and she could only hope that the soothing tea could help with sleep as well. She reached up, taking his hand into her own and looking up at him. How long could she keep this strength up? Every time he looked at her, she was only reminded of her own failures and her heart broke a little more. Her son was crying, so deeply and profoundly hurt.

She was a failure of a parent. She hadn't protected him well enough, and now it was coming back to bite her. She squeezed his hand softly. "It'll be with you for a long time, love. Probably for the rest of your life. But you're so strong, Ez, I know you'll make it through.[/b]" she said, gently stroking his fingers and trying to bite back her own tears at that lost expression. Why couldn't she just tell him that it would be alright? "Try laying back and getting comfortable. I'll be right here, and you can tell me anything. You know that, right?[/b]" her voice was sad. She could remember when he was so young, and would come running to her with every little thing.

Life was so different now.

[Kari Muffin]

The sparrow sighed and smiled weakly at his mother. Sleeping on the couch was a good idea. At least he wouldn't have to walk to his bedroom and cry all over the place there. He slipped into the laying down position and looked at his tea. He really didn't want to drink it right.

"I'm sorry Mom," he said quietly as Azzy jumped up onto his chest. He would have smiled if he could manage something like that. Not at the moment. "I'm really sorry," he whimpered as he desperately wanted to curl up in a ball. He knew she was right. He just wanted everything to be okay. Why was that so hard to ask?

He closed his eyes. Tears were still seeping out of the corners of his eyes as he tried to fall asleep. He knew his mother was right there, and wouldn't leave until he was actually asleep. She needed to get away from him as much as he needed to get over this himself. He knew that she was in pain and hiding it. That's just what mothers did... how he would never understand.

[carcinoGeneticist]

Calia took his hand as soon as he was laying down again, gently running her fingers across his hand. His apology only broke her heart a little bit more. "Don't be, honey.[/b]" she said, voice extremely soft. "It's not your fault.[/b]" She moved slightly, resting her head on the arm of the couch so that she could better look at him, still holding his hand.

As she sat there beside him, trying to keep herself calmed, a memory of when he was young resurfaced. He couldn't sleep, and she had been sitting with him, just close enough to be comforting. She had begun to sing to him, and within minutes, the young boy had fallen deeply, deeply asleep.

The words of the song came easily to her, even after all of the years that had gone by without her even considering them. Her voice, unconfident with its sound quality, as it had always been, was very soft. She found herself choking on several of the lyrics, using the hand that was not providing her a link to her son to wipe at her eyes. She sang softly, reciting every melody that she knew, until she felt a change in Ez's posture and breathing. Maybe he was just pretending. She didn't know.

But it was time for her to take her leave.

~*~

It was sprinkling outside, and Calia wasn't really sure where she was going. The dark streets felt so familiar, and yet so foreign. Who knew you could feel lost in your own hometown? Without realizing it, she had made her way to Theo's office. A light was still on.

She went to knock on the door, and then she lost it. Oh, god, he needed to be here!

[Kari Muffin]

Ez wasn't pretending to fall asleep, his mother's lullabies always let him sleep properly. Tonight though, once she was long gone he would wake up with a start. Crying once again for the horrible thing he had done.

If this was happening he must have been a horrible person.

--

Theofilus flipped though the papers on the text. All the numbers seemed to be in order, but they were still short by 100 or so. He gave a frustrated sigh as briefly slipped off his glasses to rub his eyes. Well, to rub his good eye.

His head snapped to attention when he heard the knock on the door. What on earth was someone doing up at this hour? He shifted to his biped form and hurried to the door after putting his glasses back on.

When he opened the door he was shocked to see Calia standing there in tears. "Calia, what happened?" he asked as he brought her into the office, quickly shutting the door behind her. Good God... what happened?

[carcinoGeneticist]

All the comfort in the world wouldn't be enough to keep Calia from crying at this point. The hours of keeping herself together were taking their toll on her, and they were doing so at an alarming rate. Under his hand, she was shaking rather violently, small frame absolutely wracked with her violent sobs. She seemed for a moment to not even hear his voice, but what he had asked had, in fact, registered with her. How could she even put the horrors of that night into words? How could she tell this man what had happened? "Ez, oh, God, our poor Ez... H-His children...[/b]" Her voice cracked as she spoke.

In a sudden and surprising movment, the woman lashed out, slamming her fist into the wall. "It's not fucking fair, Theofilus![/b]" She cried out, looking at him with bloodshot eyes, her cheeks completely stained with tears. Her hand was throbbing, but she was only slightly aware of that fact as she slid to the ground, sobbing wildly.

How could this be happening? How could the world be such a horrible, terrible place, and how could she have dared to believe it wasn't?