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Post by Kari Muffin on Feb 16, 2008 16:59:40 GMT -5
He really hadn't expected this. The doctors tired their hardest to be gentle about it, and failed quite spectacularly. The sparrow had no words to describe how he felt as she stared at the nurse who had explained the situation. Now what? What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to do?
"I'm sorry..." The nurse offered and put a hand on his shoulder. "I... I..." Ez couldn't find the words. He just shook his head and brushed off the nurses hands. "I have to get out of here.""But sir! We have to check--""I don't care!" Ez screamed as he moved the woman out of the way and went for the door. He couldn't deal with this right now. This wasn't actually happening. He felt tears welling up in his eyes. This was just awful. Thank heavens his mother was on the other side of the door. Otherwise he wouldn't have made it out of the hospital without breaking down into tears. He immediately wrapped his arms around his mother and started to cry. There was nothing else he could do. |
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Post by carcinoGeneticist on Feb 16, 2008 17:10:38 GMT -5
 Outside of the room, the sparrow waited patiently. She understood how long and difficult things could be, especially after Asha's birth, and she would wait here until her son was through with the whole painful process. A small smile played at the edge of her beak, and she looked down at her hands with no small amount of pride. Grandchildren. She was going to be a grandma. Her initial shock at the news of not one, but two of her children's conditions had faded, and now, all she had was joy. She wasn't old, she kept assuring herself, but she would take her job as grandmother seriously. These children would live like Queens, if she had any say in matters. She was lost in these thoughts, still smiling, as the sound of a horrific scream met her ears. Her son's scream. Oh, god, what had happened?! She wasn't even aware of herself as she leapt to her feet, running to the door and meeting Ez there, clinging tightly to her child. He was standing, some part of him realized, but he was also sobbing. " Oh, Ez,[/b]" she whispered, just holding him and letting him cry against her, feeling a set of her own tears welling up. There was only one possible thing that could have happened, she realized with a start. No, no, no... |
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Post by Kari Muffin on Feb 16, 2008 17:20:34 GMT -5
"Moooom," Ez gurgled through the tears. He wanted to say that he was a horrible failure, and that it was all his fault. It was wasn't it? He felt horrible. If he hadn't... oh god. This wasn't really happening was it? How could this happen?
He squeezed his mother harder as he choked out the words, "I-I failed! They're dead. They're both dead!" He sobbed. He didn't care. He knew from what the doctors had said that they children he was supposed to have were Malch's. Why else would a baby end up with two heads?
Oh God. Oh God. This was all his fault. All he could do was cry harder. He couldn't tell anyone about this. He couldn't tell anyone anything. It was all his fault and he would have to live with this failure and mistake for the rest of his life. "Mom, mom, mom! Why?"
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Post by carcinoGeneticist on Feb 16, 2008 17:31:57 GMT -5
In those few words, all of Calia's fears came crashing down around her. When she had been pregnant herself, she was terrified of such a thing happening. She had experienced things that she hoped that her children would never have to deal with - a blind child with a rank that would hinder her for her entire life, for example, was something that she had found to be easy to deal with as soon as her initial fears had melted away - but this. This was something that she herself could never live with. How could her children have to try and make it through?
It wasn't right, wasn't fair.
"Ez, Ez, honey, please..[/b]" she crooned through her own tears, stroking the sparrow's head slowly as she had done when he was an infant. "It's not your fault, my love. Please, please don't blame yourself... I don't know why this happened, honey, I really don't. All I know is that it's not your fault.[/b]" she choked slightly on the words. Her son was so sweet, he didn't deserve this. He would have loved those children so much...
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Post by Kari Muffin on Feb 16, 2008 17:46:43 GMT -5
"But it is my fault," Ez whimpered. Her comforting made him feel better only slightly. It hurt too much for him not to cry. He could have had children. He could have had a happy family but he didn't. Both dead. Both is fault for having sex with the one person he shouldn't.
It would always be his fault.
"I.... it's not fair Mom, it's not fair. How can this be happening? Why did this happen... Mom. Why does it hurt so much?" He sniffed as he tried to choke back the tears. How was everyone in the family going to take this? Oh god! What a failure he was. How could this be happening? He whimpered and choked as she cried into his mother's feathers.
How could he even get over this? How could he look Malch or anyone for that matter, in the eye.
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Post by carcinoGeneticist on Feb 17, 2008 15:05:08 GMT -5
Calia was at a complete loss. The only thing that was steady in her mind was the thought that her own sorrow at this event had to wait for now. Her son needed her to be steady for him now, that was a given. Her legs felt weak under the force of the emotion, but she could hold herself and her son up for as long as he needed. She shook her head as she spoke, pulling back slightly to look into his eyes as she spoke.
"Ez, it's not fair at all, and I hate it. You would have been the best parent those children could have asked for.[/b]" she said, completely serious, as she touched his cheek softly. Her son had filled her life with surprises, but through it all, she had loved him unconditionally. Seeing him go through his life with success was the best thing that she could ask for as a parent.
And, above all else, he had always seemed so... Happy. That only made his pain now worse for her.
"If I could, I'd take it all away.[/b]" she said softly, eyes sad. When her children were young, it was easy to fix their hurts. What did a parent do when they couldn't make it better, no matter how hard they tried?
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Post by Kari Muffin on Feb 17, 2008 15:58:43 GMT -5
He wanted to cry harder, but that was impossible. His eyes were already burning from the tears. It felt as if he was going to die right there from the pain. Mom didn't know half the story, she could never know it. Just... it was too horrible.
"I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do! Mom," He whimpered as he looked into her eyes. How could this be fixed? How could anything be fixed like this? "What am I supposed to do?" He sobbed as he went back to hugging his mother in his misery.
Ezekiel wanted to be stronger than this. Whatever that meant, but he couldn't manage whatever stronger was at the moment. He really did want children. It just... he didn't know that this would be that horrible if he lost them.
And it was all his fault. All his stupid stupid fault.
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Post by carcinoGeneticist on Feb 17, 2008 16:34:35 GMT -5
Calia felt another pang of guilt at yet another question that she had no idea how to answer. There were so many things she had experienced, and planned to be able to help her children through. The pain of a first heartbreak, she knew. Relationship problems, again, she could easily deal with. The physical pain of childbirth and the emotional pain of having your children grow and leave home. All of these things she was prepared to help her children with when the time came for them to experience life.
This was different. This was awful and terrible, and seeing Ez in this state was terrifying.
"There's only one thing you can do.[/b]" she said softly, pulling the sparrow into another tight hug. Feeling him tremble almost set her off crying again, but she was just able to catch herself before she did. "You can keep living. You have a family and friends who love you, darling, and I know that every one of them will be there to help you through.[/b]"
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Post by Kari Muffin on Feb 17, 2008 20:03:10 GMT -5
He whimpered into his mothers feathers. She was right, and he knew it, but it still hurt. Ez's heart was breaking with every breathe. It still felt like it was all his fault. If he hadn't done that with Malc... if he had just said no this never would have happened.
It was happening though, and he just had to get through this. He just had to stop crying. It wasn't easy at all. "I'm.... thanks Mom," he said through his tears and he feathers. He hiccuped as she slowly let go of his mother and brushed away his tears as best he could. "I-I just don't know. I-It just hurts so much. B-b-but thanks Mom. Thanks so much."
He choked on a sigh, tears still running down his face. He must have looked awful. How could his mother even look at him with a straight face?
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Post by carcinoGeneticist on Feb 17, 2008 21:08:29 GMT -5
"It's going to hurt for a long time, baby.[/b]" Calia said, honesty shining through in her voice. He didn't need false promises, a hope that things would get better quickly. "But you're so strong. I know that you can make it through.[/b]" she touched his face slightly, giving him a small smile that said many things, the formost of which being that no matter what else, she would always be there for him, whether he wanted her there or not.
And how could she not look at him? He was her son, and she loved him unconditionally.
"I'm going to take you home, and make you something to eat tonight.[/b]" she said, gently wiping at his eyes to try and staunch the flow at least slightly. Inside, she was a tumultuous pit of fury and sadness. How could something like this happen to her sweet Ez? She had never, in all of her life, felt this way.
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