What the?! [Finished]

[Trebias]

Up with dawn and cursing everything he'd have to get done before dusk, Elias woke, stretched, and set about his work. He had two different paths to check for two groups that wanted totally different Josiggy Marsh experiences. He'd have to restock his pack with herbs thanks to that last idiot that got himself tangled up in that itchy weed. El could almost hear the moron's thought processes: "this itches and hurts, let me use my whole body to work myself free!" The moron.

So he had some herbs to pick, some medical supplies to restock, and some porcupine skewers to wrap up so the frickin' little things didn't get stuff. Nah, forget that, let someone with hands do that part.

He scouted the paths and checked the time. He should be able to squeeze in a nap before his first clients got there. Naps in the middle of the day were his favorite guilty pleasure, not that he ever troubled himself to feel guitly about it.

[seraaches]

Unbeknownst to the canine, a plethora of annoyances were well on their way to bearing down upon the Marshdweller's cabin and it was exceedingly unlikely that the man would be happy about it. In fact, one of the people heading towards the cabin right that moment had a dark smile on his face that promised Elias would be beyond not happy and quite fully into 'exceedingly, totally, utterly and absolutely hacked off'. He just couldn't wait. He sent the others ahead, waiting patiently at the edge of the clearing just to watch wot happened.

"I hate this family," Se grumbled, wings tightly tucked at his back. Of all the annoying things they had to do, anything out in 'the wilderness' was the worst. The little hybrid notoriously got his wings caught on things: bushes, trees, lamposts, other Cards. It bit. He growled again under his breath as his siblings streamed around him.

Vishne glanced backwards uneasily as their father waved them on and dutifully followed after the other kids heading for the quiet cabin. He... wasn't sure wot he thought of all of this, but so far he didn't really like the Marsh. Yay for first outings? Why was it so scary here?!

Ira sprinted for the door, different coloured hooves pounding the ground suddenly before he launched himself at the door, knocking it open and spilling himself inside. "HHHHHAAAAALLLLLOOOOOO, UNCLE ELEL!!!!!!!!" he sang loudly at the absolute top of his voice. "MOMMY SAYS HHHHHHIIIIII!!!!!!'"

Man... he loved his life. <3

[Trebias]

The club was just settling down, head on his forepaws when the ear-splitting shout tore at his eardrums. What in the name of the dirtiest - ?

He drew himself to his full height and stalked over to the loud one, sniffing noisily. Smelled like a certain horse he knew that was most likely going to get a black eye in the near future.

"Who the &*%# are you?!" he demanded. "I know my clients haven't mistaken me for a baby-sitter. You better head on back to your folks before I decide to put you to work. Got a nice big ditch needs digging out back, and three strong young backs will make it a lot easier for old El here."

He continued to look at them for a moment. "No, seriously, who are you, and where's your daddy? You already know who I am." This time he was more clearly introducing himself and asking for the same, rather than just exclaiming loudly.

[Kasatsu]

Walking with her head held high, she followed her brothers and sister as they made their way to their destination, their dad left to trail them from behind. He probably had something planned for their poor uncle; their dad could be evil sometimes though he hid it better then their mother. She hoped that she could become as conniving as he was. “Hurry up Vishne! You are going to make us late for all the fun!” With that said she ran off ahead expecting her twin to follow her.



Bouncing along down the path, the small mouse was just glad to be outside of the Capital. She always enjoyed her other-papa’s adventures he set for them. Something fun always resulted, especially with how her other siblings were. Today’s adventure seemed to be an outing to Josiggy Marsh.

Nearing the cabin she flattened her ears back when she heard him speak. Apparently he was not a friendly person. Though she did have to hand it to him that Ira probably had not greeted the Marshdweller well by knocking his door in.

[Trebias]

"What in the-?" There were more! "Did an orphanage explode? Who do you all belong to?" To the first one who spoke. "I don't think I know who your Mommy is after all. Do you mind getting out of my house while I go and kick in the colon of whoever left you here?"

He walked out of his house, surveying the lot of them. Not much besides age seemed to unite them. Were they from an orphanage? If that was the case, he had been grossly misled when one of the tour groups had contacted him, and he'd have to start from scratch preparing a trail suitable for kids.

There he was at the edge of the clearing. And, just as he had expected, there was Rai, smirking like El owed him money and he just got something much better in the deal.

"You stinking-" invectives coursed forth from El's mouth. Josiggy Marsh was probably the only place Whip could afford to let El talk to him like this, and Elias was taking full advantage. Eventually he paused for a breath and decided he'd said his peace.

[Bee]

The Marsh really was a lovely place, Iphis thought, and he liked it quite a bit. Unfortunately, it looked like it was also going to be every bit as loud as their Capital City apartment, and they were all being hustled toward a cabin. He was keeping close to Elyse. But he didn't want to be in a house. He wanted to find a quiet place somewhere pretty and have tea with Clara, whom he brought for the journey to keep him company. She didn't like the Marsh at all. Clara wasn't a very out-doorsy person, he was learning. Maybe she was afraid of getting lost, or trampled by Iphis's exceedingly excitable siblings and pseudo-cousins.

"Don't worry, Clara," Iphis told her brightly. "We'll get away."

Clara's painted blue eyes stared resolutely up at him. Her pigtails bounced as they walked. Iphis giggled. "Don't be silly, Clara. I can't drown them. They're my brothers and sisters."



There was a crazy doggy running around, Helena noticed, and he was yelling at her daddy. He was also saying very mean things to them. They weren't from an orphanage!--even though sometimes Mommy said that she wished that she had just dropped all of them off there as soon as they were born. But--Daddy. People just couldn't walk up to her daddy and call him stinking like that. Her daddy was a King. He was important.

Helena bounced excitedly as an idea formed in her head. She was going to defend his honor. She was going to prove herself to Daddy like Venka had tried to prove herself to Mommy by making it home alive from the horrible over-night camp she had been sent to. Ven was so brave.

She was going to be, too! Then Daddy would love her forever and ever and shower her with affection and her brothers and sisters would be so jealous that they would just die. Then she could be best-loved and an only child, and no one would ever call her a freakshow ever again.

So she ran over to the Marsh canine, and started furiously beating on him with her small paws and her hair, which was behaving with admirable ferocity.

"You don't call my daddy names! You are a bad man! Bad! You go to time out!"



Eir followed his siblings in silence, wondering what the hell he was possibly going to do for entertainment. Helena running to make herself look like a basketcase looked promising, but it wasn't really something in which he could directly participate, other than yelling something like Helena Handbasket's at it again and drawing real attention to her psychosis.

He absently caught a dragonfly underneath one of his feet. He stared at it for a moment, and then used his free hoof to rip its wings off. Nice, but unsatisfying.

He glanced toward the cabin. Maybe he could burn it to the ground or something.

[Trebias]

"Time out, what the-?!" Elias stooped down and snared the little card by the scruff of her neck, standing on his hind legs and depositing her in a nearby tree. "Time out? You would put your kids into time-out, Whip. How many times do I have to tell you, you beat your kids when they're wrong. Beat 'em enough, and they won't do wrong in the first place! But no, you send them to their room to 'think about what they've done.' Thinking about what they got away with and can try next, if they're anything like you were."

He surveyed the motley crew that Rai had brought with him. Man, but there were a lot them. "Did you do all of that?" He had to admit, it was an impressive sign of virility. "Who'd you trick into mating with you, you hairless wonder? Some crazy desperate Card, I bet."

[seraaches]

Per usual, anytime all of the kids were involved, things were insane. Rai was rather pleased that today was no exception. Served El right for not answering any of the King's messages. He simply continued to smirk, though he was a little tempted to follow El's suggestion on Ira; he'd heard the 'mommy' remark. Maybe Ira was a little retarded? If so, he knew who to blame. Ah, well.

"You already proved that didn't work," Rai answered good-naturedly. "Beaten or not, you're still a real... pill." He changed the word he was going to say to keep it from his kids, though, with Mnem as a mother, he bet they knew more words than he. "Elyse and Hadyn aren't biologically mine," the stallion admitted easily. "But we spend enough time together they may as well be."

Ira trotted up behind Elias, obviously well-pleased with himself and infinitely amused by Helena's tirade.

Vishne sighed and sped up his steps obediently to Ven's words, but it didn't matter wot they did, because Ira had already beaten them all inside and managed to tick off Uncle Elias already. Maybe it was a special talent he and Eir shared; both of them were able to tick -him- off really fast.

Se waited until their Uncle Elias got out of the way, then trotted inside without waiting for an invitation. Gads, how boring was this place? His ears flattened before he began to nose around looking for something interesting to destroy... or, uhh, look at. Yah. Look at.

[Trebias]

Elias glanced at the first little card that had barged in. "So, who's this Mommy? I don't think I know anyone in their right mind that would bed you, Whip, so I can't figure out why they'd want to say hi. I mean, you're bald. Any of you kiddies bald like your Daddy?" he called out hoarsely.

"You might as well get to work, since you're here bothering me and you've got hands. Take care of those freakin' porcupine needles for the food. Someday we'll decide we don't need them, and I don't have to worry about mouthing 'em into place. But no, these imported little doojaggers help with the AUTHENTIC MARSH EXPERIENCE. Remember this one thing if you're not gonna learn anything else, kiddies. Your daddy is full of - it." He'd wait to teach the kids those particular words until Rai wasn't around, it would be more fun that way.

[Bee]

Eir had been thinking of explosions and a high death toll, but another, all-together more wonderful opportunity had presented itself. The rude canine had thrown his sister into a tree and was taunting their father. Which Eir did not really care so much about, personally--one day planned to see everyone in his family in body bags--but it did remind him that he had something to do, after all.

He fingered the small vial, the red liquid tossing about a bit in its confines. He had jacked it from the lab of that crazy bitch--well, the other crazy bitch. The other, other crazy bitch. His "aunt." That one.

He had thought idly of stabbing Vishne with it--his most pathetic sibling, really, beyond Iphis's fairy princess flouncing and Helena's clingy desperation--but this was so much better.

Creeping up on the loud irritants in the cabin, Eir clutched the vial to his chest, trying to hide it. Helena was squalling outside about someone getting her down from the tree, and Iphis had conveniently taken up the business of distracting the Marsh canine.

"My mommy is Mnem," said Iphis cheerfully. "Daddy decided that he wanted--um--" What had Mommy called them again? Oh, yes. That. "--he wanted miserable bastard spawn to carry on his filthy useless name, so he ordered us all in the mail, and Mommy wasn't very happy about that, and she tried to send Venka back but there wasn't a return policy, so she just learned to love us all like a good mommy and--"

Eir stabbed the needle of the vial into Elias.