A New Start [End]

[Tigeress]

The petite doe was still in considerable amounts of pain. Birthing such a large litter had not been easy, but she'd wanted to do it on her own. She was glad then, that she had been able to convince Igal to leave for the night... again. His newfound habit of drinking was concerning, but tonight it had been a small blessing. She'd forced herself to exhert enough leftover energy to clean the small bundles lying next to her on the blanket, and now they were all dry and snuggled into her.

Lying back in animal form, she allowed them access to her stomach while she wished for sleep. Now she hoped Igal would return, just so he could keep them warm for a while so she could get an hour or two of sleep. Some tea would have been nice, and food. All that would come eventually. She had mixed feelings brewing inside her as she lay back and considered the children lying beneath her. The product of a problematic one night stand... they would never be loved the way they should have. She understood Silvanus could not give them that.

Igal had seemed to have his heart set on being the father he was convinced Silvanus could not, or would not, be. For this, Astyana was thankful, but at the same time... she knew her children would not be fooled. Silvanus would still be around now and then, for one thing, and for another- even if he wasn't... they didn't look like Igal. Quite simply, he didn't fit in the picture the way she knew he wished he did. She had no one but herself to blame for this, but still...

Her ears perked to the sound of approach, oh thank god... could it be him already? Perhaps she hadn't been such a good actress when she'd practically ushered him out the door. Come to think of it, it was unusual for her to want him to go and drink, he'd probably caught on but decided to give her time. The thought made her smile as she took a deep breath. What would he think of them? She piled them all closer to her, frowning sadly at the maned mix of the bunch... he hadn't looked right earlier, and now she could tell it wasn't going to wear off, he was actually permanently injured somehow.

She tried to wipe the worry off her face as the door opened... she knew what Igal would think when he saw the somewhat deformed male, and she didn't want it to start off like that. Pushing the male behind two of his sisters, she allowed a lazy expression to slide over her features.

[FlyingPanther]

Igal always seemed to be in at least a semi-enibriated state, and it was a wonder that he hadn't yet died of accumulative alcohol poisoning. It hadn't been to hard to convince him to leave to go drink. Hell, he had been thinking about going out only moments before Astyana came rushing into his room and rushing out of it practically pushing him out the door. But even in his semi-drunk state, he could still wonder what was going on. Astyana normally said something blunt to him upon returning back home from the bar, or at least gave him a look of disapproval. These things he ignored for the most part, its not like she was the boss of him. Not like she really cared. She had never sat him down or tried to talk with him about drinking was bad..or officially state that she disapproved of his new habits...so to hell with her. Besides...if he was forced to watch her belly swell like a melon and know that what was growing inside was not his...the least he could do was drown the pain. This fact didn't change the fact that he was excited to see the children...or care for them...though in his mind, both things seemed so very far away...but it certainly had made him look at Astyana differently.

As he walked to the bar he had even thought about why she had rushed him along so frantically. His face had contorted with a bit of discust. Maybe Silvanus was coming over. Whenever Silvanus came to visit, Igal usually left...or was told that he was coming so that he could leave. But that didn't explain why she had ushered him out so quickly. Maybe their friendship had grown a little more intimate? His mouth twitched, eyes growing discusted, to hurt, to a million other emotions, so uncharacteristic of him. What if he was coming over to fuck her? It was certainly possible...he had heard that it was actually good for the woman to have sex when she was carrying. Something about it being healthier. The thoughts cut him deep, and he headed into the bar with the intention of not coming out until he could barely walk.

Unfortunately, he didn't have the money for such an endevor. He was forced to leave from the bar early because of this, disasisfied with his buzz. It could at least be a little stronger, but now adays two drinks was childsplay. He wondered if he should give Astyana more time...just in case it was what he feared. The only thing worse then thinking that was what was happening was walking in on them and KNOWING. He hoped that if he could not have Astyana, that he would never accidently walk in on her while someone else had her. That would be a blow he didn't think he would be able to recover from.

He was drunker then he thought as he attempted to open the door of the house. Maybe it was really just beginning to kick in? Furgus must have hooked him up a bit. He stumbled in and closed the door behind him. When he heard nothing, he decided to yell out to Astyana...just to....give her a warning...just in case. "Hey...Asstyannnn..." her name seemed to trail as his mouth couldn't stay open long enough to finish the word. "I'm...back..." he dare not move...less he find something he didn't wish to.

---

Meanwhile, a small avington male cried for his mothers attention, quickly making sure to push away his siblings so he could get a bit closer. It was strange though, as he didn't even really attempt to drink, he just wanted to be close. The bright green female and her red brother were opposite their strangely colored brother however. They were in it for the milk...as most babies were at this age.

[Tigeress]

It was him, the sound of his slurring voice was no surprise. It dissapointed her for a second or two, but she was already mixed up enough that she didn't want to linger on his drunken state. However, with that thought in mind, she wondered... was this a good time? She couldn't usher him out now anyway, not without him knowing. So apparently it was a good time, because there was no other time. He seemed to be lingering by the door, unsure... Unsure of what?

Oh god, did he really think? No. Wow. He must have. He should have known Silvanus better than to think for even a second that they would be together. At all. Obviously Igal's bitterness and hatred towards the stag went deeper than she had ever imagined. It was unfortunate, but there was nothing she could do. Except give him the pleasant surprise of knowing she spent almost every night alone while he was out drinking and god only knew where Silvanus was. She'd grown hardened towards her emotions for him, trying to battle them and bicker with them when they came up. He didn't come around very often, he didn't have much of a need to until the children came. A few awkward conversations and a few friendly ones had passed, but still it was not enough for him to really want to be there.

That's what she imagined, anyway. A small pink form wiggled at her side, demanding her attention. She gave a small squal of disdain, obviously wanting her mother's attention. Astyana bent down to lick the shaking form, answering Igal at the same time. "Iln Hlere." She pulled the winged form to her once she'd finished speaking, and she seemed to grow content for a while. Her heart seemed to skip a beat with pride suddenly and she didn't know why. Somehow, having Igal walk in and see them made her more excited than if Silvanus had of been there. Possibly because while they both harbored mixed feelings towards the children, she had the strange feeling that they would melt Igal's heart faster. Guild would not skewer their image in his eyes. The thought hurt her, but she didn't have to face it just yet, didn't have to look in Silvanus' eyes, waiting to see the shame and dissaproval she thought would be waiting there. She knew he hated himself for his decision and not her, but the children were part of that decision...

[FlyingPanther]

Igal waited, but still there was no noise, not even a faint sound of moaning. Was Astyana even here? He looked around the house a little bit. It didn't seem like anything had been disturbed while he had left, least nothing that would indicate that the doe had left. He started to feel a bit anxious, the emotion ate at his drunkeness into near paranoia. What a way to sober up. "AsstyaannnA?" he said more urgently, his voice filled with anxiety. Why had he left the house? She was far to pregnant to be walking around in the streets...she could hurt herself, and the children. Why hadn't he thought of that before? Why did he leave knowing that she was so pregnant? Why did he ever leave. It wasn't like Astyana not to great him right away, at least in one form or another, but now she didn't even come to the door. Then a hidious thought came to mind. What if she was dead? His mind was going in weird places, probably because of his drunken paranoid state.

It was then that he finally heard the first sound. It was a pathetic little squeal. At first, Igal didn't know what to make of the sound, and his face was picturesque of a dumbfounded drunk. It took a little longer then it might have normally, but finally the lightbulb brightened. That was the squeal of a child! Astyana had her children while he was away! A rush of different emotions hit him then, everything from anger that he was not around to witness or call a midwife to absolute ecstacy about them finally having been born. He didn't need her to call to him now, he rushed over with bumbling footsteps to the doorway, looking across the room at Astyana, trying to pull the soberest look of excitement he could. His excitement would shine through either way, but weather he could look less drunk was up to interpretation.

"Whyyy dinnt you lett meee s'aayy and ellp?" he asked, though there was nothing accusetory in his words as he walked over to Astyana and the little lumps at her side. He sat on his knees before them. Wow...there were alot of bundles....1, 2, 3.....wait....he counted that one before. He squinted using his index finger to count. Finally he was able to count out the five. He smiled at them, before beaming at Astyana, who seemed to glow in this moment like she had so long ago. It had been a long time since he saw her glow like that before, and he wondered if it was just the booze obscuring his vision. He through his arms around her neck, making sure not to hurt her or the children, and snuggled her slightly. He would smell horribly of Whiskey. "Congraachulashions." it was as if in his excitment he had completely forgotten how these babies came to be...and how they certainly werent his.

He looked down at them again, pulling away from Astyana. "Whhaa cha gunna naaamme theemmm?" he said slowly, attempting to regain control of his relaxed mouth muscles. The little green female wailed as she was pushed away from her teet by the young red male, obviously deciding that her nipple was better then the one that he had latched on to. The dark green one simply lay snuggled next to his mother, though had lifted his head to look at the newcomer, and while he didn't seem afraid, he did seem intent to stare as if happy looking at what he was looking at.

[Tigeress]

She heard him approaching at last; his footsteps heavy and rushed as if he simply couldn't get himself to the room fast enough (the alcohol probably wasn't helping his cause much, either). The look on his face when he arrived, however, was more than worth the wait. The excitement and adoration she'd been hoping for appeared almost instantly, not contaminated by any looks of jealousy or resentment. For this, she was glad he was intoxicated, for she didn't know if he'd have been able to keep such thoughts from his mind if he had of come upon them for the first time when sober. "It was something I needed to do on my own, I hope you understand." She could tell he did, for his voice was simply inquisitive and somewhat bewildered still by the sight of the tiny bundles. None of the bitterness or anger had come that she was accustomed to. He rarely got upset with her, but he did have a temper that came out when he talked about different... situations, even regarding her.

She'd learned to accept that this would all take time, his forgiveness would have to be earned. She liked it that way, she didn't want pity forgiveness, or for his affection to blind him to what she'd done. The fact that he was able to keep his head about himself and stick to his guns made her admire him. It would seem abusive for him to take such a blow and then just come waddling back to her like a lost puppy. Suddenly the scent of whiskey almost brought up the contents of her stomach and she found herself wriggling out of the hug for the sheer sake of not throwing up all over him. "Th-thank you..." She wheezed, taking in deep breaths once he was a little bit away from her.

"Igal... we're going to have to have a bit of a talk when you're sober, regarding your new... habit." She felt awkward bringing this up now, but that experience reminded her of how much she needed someone responsible, and would for the next... well, quite a while. While the drinking didn't really affect her children now, it might if he continued and became used to the addiction. Not to mention, she simply couldn't deal with all the responsibility and she hated to admit it but... she simply couldn't allow her eyes to drift from them for even a moment of sleep if she knew he was intoxicated while trying to babysit. Too many horror stories formed in her mind of them getting stepped on, or dropped, or... Simply stress she didn't need.

Names. She hadn't even thought of yet. Should she wait for Silvanus? Yes, that might be a good idea. She'd name them now and wait for him to confirm them. The two who were battling over a nipple would be fun to name, and there was another pair that had shown interactions similar to that. Except in their case, the female had been the dominant one. "I think I'll name the winged girl Inca... and the green one Ilana... that sounds nice together, doesn't it? Claudius for the red horned boy, and Aurelius for his brother... I'm terrible for trying to match everything up." She chuckled and noticed she'd forgotten the one she'd been trying to hide. "And him... he will be Irving... for he will be handsome." Her eyes showed the pain she felt inside at knowing he was at a bit of a disadvantage being only minutes into his life. Still, she felt he would be quite handsome despite his... minor imperfections.

[FlyingPanther]

Igal was a bit taken aback by the words coming out of Astyana's mouth and her actions. It was hard to form very many thoughts in his drunken mind, but slowly a small bit of anger could be found, though he did not show it in his features very much. "Buhh...you cudda hurrd yourrself without a midwivv. You shudda ledd me ssday." he said, thought not meaning to sound like he didn't understand why she had to do it all by herself. It was more worry then anything. He was a bit off put by her pushing him away. Was she angry at him? Why didn't she want him to hug her? A vague and far off expression of hurt might have played on his features, but it was whiped away by worry at what she said next. What exactly did she want to talk to him about? He decided to ignore this, and focus on the children.

She then gave the names, and he noded a bit, memorizing each of the names as best he could. He sighed knowing that he probably wouldn't remember some come morning. He would have to ask her again, but for now he tried desperately to have his mind grasp a hold of them. He smiled, they were all very lovely names. He watched as the one called Ilana gave up her quest to regain the nipple, instead closing her eyes and falling asleep, or at least taking a short nap. Claudius suckled like a champ, determind, it seemed, to get as much of the milk as possible. He looked up at Aurelius, who continued to watch him like a very interested hawk, though the look was hardly predatory. It was then that she brought his attention to the fifth child, Irving. He couldn't quite understand why she looked so sad, until he watched the little bundle try to move. There was something wrong with his back. He reached out a hand, pushing gently on the children around him to gett a better look at the child. His heart was filled with horror at the deformity, and his eyes widened, and the realization made his eyes water. "I.......I did that....didn't I." he said, the slurr almost completely gone in his horrific sobering. God what had he done?

He looked away messaging his temple with a hand, completely horrified.

[Tigeress]

She realized he wouldn't comprehend some of her actions, but she didn't blame him really, not tonight. Her ushering him out the way she had had probably stressed him out and worried him enough that he probably drank a considerable amount. That form of alleviating stress would have to be significantly lessened after tonight though. "You're right... I should have but... hopefully I can make up for that from here on out. That is, if you don't mind staying in a little more often to help me with them?" There was a subtle tone of hinting towards what she'd brought up only moments before. She Really didn't want to have to get in on a heart to heart about his drinking, so she secretly hoped eventually he'd get the hint, and take it.

There were simply too many of them for her to handle on her own. She smiled affectionately down at them as they each took in Igal, and he inspected each of them in return. She noticed the look in his eyes, however, when he took in Irving... she knew the words would come even before he opened his mouth, and she winced when she heard them aloud. What could she say? She'd had a feeling, but there was nothing to prove it. Birth defects happened all the time, didn't they? Well, if she could convince herself, maybe she could convince him. "I don't know, birth defects are common in large litters. Especially ones where all the other children are so perfect." It was stretching the truth a little, but perhaps he was still buzzed enough that he wouldn't dote on it.

She knew he would though, he was sobering rapidly because of the shock, and the horror displayed prominently on his face. As if out of guilt, Irving began to wail and wiggle closer to Astyana's warm stomach. His head nuzzled underneath his mixed realm sister, Ilana, and he quieted into soft wheezing that may have indicated sleep. Well, one down, four to go, then maybe she could follow suit. She was exhausted. Offering Igal a weary smile, she glanced in the direction of the washroom. "Perhaps you could get cleaned up, and then you could come lie down with us?" She didn't like the smell of alcohol, and she knew the children would detest it, what with such a sensitive sense of smell.

[FlyingPanther]

He continued to rub his forhead with a clawed hand, messaging in between his eyes and his temples. Suddenly his head hurt, and his eyes felt like they could burst with tears, for the first time since the last time he cried...when he had realized what he had done. Now once again, he was faced with the reality of what he had done. Once again, he found himself having done something to others he could never take back. How many people would end up hating him at the end of his life, thanks to what he would do to them, or had done to them? How many lives would he ruin? He knew right away that Irving would have an extremely hard life. He had never seen another so badly deformed that it handicapped them in any way. What had he done to this poor child's future?

He noded, "I plan to stay home more now to help you anyway, had you asked for it or not." he said, his speach clearly showing that he was sobering up quickly. "Heh...yeah...common, I'm sure it is that." he said softly about her comment on Irving's deformity as he stood up shakily to head to the washroom. Though the statement could never reflect his feelings, and what he was sure Astyana was thinking as well. He had screwed up that kid's life before he even had a chance to live it. He covered his pained facial expression as he walked out the door of the room to the bathroom where he could wash up.

Ilana, sencing one of the nipples open, awoke from her short cat nap to attempt to drink a little, only to realize she was more tired then she thought, and promptly snuggled up next to Irving. Claudius happily suckled at his own teet, not looking like he would be stopping any time soon. Aurelius' head turned to watch the funny looking big thing leave the room, though in his very very very young age, couldn't tell that he was upset at all. He watched the door, wondering when and if he would come back, before nuzzling his mothers neck a bit. He didn't really look very sleepy either.

[Tigeress]

Astyana's eyes softened in silent thanks at his offer, feeling slightly sheepish for having brought it up as if he hadn't intended to do it anyway. "Thank you." Was all she could say, her mind groggy with lingering child birth pains and tiredness. She was swollen and uncomfortable, and she needed a bath just as much, if not more, than Igal. She watched him walk away with a soft sigh, knowing her words had done little to ease his troubled mind. She wondered idly, how this child would grow up. Someday... she would have to tell him... the circumstances regarding his birth, and from that, he would draw his own conclusions. She only hoped he was fair and merciful about it.

Irving began to dig in under Ilana more, sensing that she was tired, and wanting to start a large 'puppy pile'. He seemed to enjoy the pressure of other bodies around him, and particularily on top of him. Perhaps it put comforting pressure on the deformed part of his spine. Inca began to nudge at, and fall over, Claudius, ignoring the nipple she had earlier claimed. Obviously if he was still drinking so intently, his nipple had been better than hers, and so she wanted to try it to make sure. She paid no mind to the giant leaving the room which her brother had shied from, too concerned that she might be missing out on what Claudius had.

Inca's insistant 'merp'ing and mewling made Astyana look down and laugh, at least it looked like her children were all forming... interesting bonds at such a young age. What would they be like when they were older? Would they remember their loyalties and companionship with each other, freshly out of the womb? She doubted it, but perhaps it was an indicator of how their personalities would turn out. If so, she was more than pleased, for not a one of them seemed to be a 'bully' or any other such worrying personality. They were all so gentle and beautiful together. She felt her eyes welling up with tears of pride and wished for Igal's presence to share the moment with.

[FlyingPanther]

Igal ran the water in the washtub. Had he been a little less horrified, and probably a little more sober, he probably would have thought to allow Astyana to bathe and take care of herself. But he was within his own mind, trapped in a dark and horrible place which his eyes alone allowed the world to know he was there. Periodically he checked the water temperature, but after a short while he grew impaitent, and despite the luke warmish temperature he got in, immidiately regretting and wishing he had waited for the water to heat up. He wasn't thinking straight, his mind was racing.

When the water had finally gotten to the proper temperature and the tub was filled, he turned off the water, and let his head go underwater with his body. He lay there for a moment, his breath held and his eyes shut tight, his eyebrows conveying concern. There was a part of him, that wanted to stay under in the nice warm comforting water, never to come up again. It would hurt people, he was sure, but hadn't he hurt people beyond repair already? In the long run, it would be good for everyone. Astyana wouldn't have to deal with his jealous and obsessive nature about her anymore and she could be free to be with Silvanus if they both wanted. There didn't have to be difficult Igal around to make things horrible for everyone. Astyana wouldn't have to deal with his newfound alchoholism, and Irving could be consoled in the fact that the one who made him what he was, was dead from guilt. The world would be a much better place without him.

There was a stronger part of him though, that allowed his head to rise out of the water and take a gasping breath. He coughed once or twice before he settled back down miserably in the water, shaking his head and having his ears whip the side of his face as he shook the water off. He grabbed the soap and started scrubbing, hard. No...his death would cause just as many problems as his life had seemed to for the people around him. Who would take care of Astyana's children? Silvanus? Surely not, the last time he came to visit breifly, he looked as if death was upon him...he was in no condition to take care of these children, and Igal didn't really want him to anyway. Five babies would be to much for Astyana on her own, even if she did get help from Syraelia, who come to think of it, he wasn't sure if they were still in touch.

His eyes teared up, and he found himself silently crying. He wasn't good dead or alive.

Ilana happily snuggled up with Irving, enjoying her new little pillow of warmth. She made a little noise of contentment before the only motions coming from her were her breaths. She was fast asleep. Claudius on the other hand, was chugging, and attempting to obstruct his sister's advance with his body, not parting for a second from the nipple. If anything he only suckled faster as the impending doom of a stolen nipple was upon him. Aurelius watched his siblings from his mother's side. He sure did seem interested at staring at everyone.