I've needed help for quite a while now...(Update)

[Lauryn de Vampyre]

I just had a semi-intervention with three of my closest friends besides Choucho.

I was recently fired from my job for stealing about $2,000. I don't know yet whether or not they will press charges or not. There is a possibility I will be sent to prison for one year if they do.

The reason I was stealing the money from my business, was becaues I have been addicted to Vicodin for quite a few months now.

I spent all the money I had, and $5,000 of the bank's money to fund this addiction and when I ran out, I started to steal.

A normal dosage per four hours is usually 500mg, with 750mg being the extra strength dosage. Eventually, I got to taking 5,000mg every three hours. It's kind of amazing my liver and kidneys haven't shut down. It's probably ONLY because I'm still young.

Before tonight I had been able to wean myself down to 2-2,500mg every three hours, but I don't have many left and there is no more money.

So tonight, after some worried questions from my friends, I told them everything. Hence the semi-intervention.

Thanks to their wisdom, I made the decision to join Narcotics Anonymous and seek a sponsor tomorrow. I'm really scared about how long and how bad the withdrawal is going to get. I'm HOPING I can find a rehab clinic that will be willing/able to help me because when I don't take the vicodin, every single nerve in my body hurts and I can't ever sleep.

I hate to say it, but I'm glad I don't have a job while I detox. I don't think I could have handled it.

So, tomorrow is the first step in the right direction for me but I have a long ways to go before I climb out of the monsterous hole I've dug myslef into. (Remember the money I talked about earlier.)

So, any stories of a similar nature, helpful ideas or suggestions, random comments, whatever......post them here if you have anything to say.

UPDATE:
I just got home from my first Narcotics Anonymous meeting.
I got WAY more out of it than I ever expected. I thought all the hugs, all the niceness and stuff was all just for the movies. But no, they really are that great.
I got a lot of really wonderful information.
I'm planning on going to another meeting tomorrow night.

[Chou]

I've said this before, but I want to say it again here. I am SO proud of you. I'm so amazed at how strong of a woman you really are and I KNOW you'll be able to make it through this. You know that I'll be here for you every step of the way. <3 I love you girl, so very very much.

[Lauryn de Vampyre]

Thank you love. I love you too and consider you my Sister from another Mister! *hugs*
It just sucks that we're so far apart.

[Satra]

Ouch. That some pretty brutal shit, bro. I am proud of you for having to strength to admit you need help. I wish you the best in your success. It will be a rough road, chemical dependency is a hard thing to break from, but stay strong! We support you in this decision and want to see you come out on top.

<3

[The Jenn]

Lauryn, you have absolutely taking steps in the right direction. Even if circumstances began to force your hands, seeking help is the best thing you can do right now. I was actually just having a conversation with my boss after work yesterday - she's recovered from very serious alcoholism - and she was telling me about the groups like AA and NA and how grateful she was to be a part of them.

We love you, Lauryn. I may not have known that you were going through this, but I fully support you in your recovery. And no matter how overwhelming things may look right now, there is a road to recovery. And things will get better.

*hugs*

[Lucca]

Well, I'm afraid I don't have any stories or anything to share, but I'll chime in to say that it was brave of you to admit that, and I really wish you the best of luck as you recover from this! We love you. <3

[Lauryn de Vampyre]

Thank you guys. It really makes me happy with all the well wishes coming my way.
I can definitely use them right now.

Today, I run out of Vicodin. I've been trying to wean myself down to nothing but I didn't have enough left. I'm hoping when I go to the NA meeting tonight at 7pm there is someone there willing to be my Sponsor who can direct me to a clinic that will hopefully be able to accept me and help with the withdrawal symptoms.

Otherwise it's going to be hell. I won't be able to sleep because my nerves won't let me relax, I'll feel the body aches on every inch of me, and a lot of people say I'm probably going to end up throwing up a lot. And because my dependancy has been so ASTRONOMICAL, there is a small chance that my body will try and kill itslef.
BUT because I'm so young, I really don't think that will happen. But still, I'm going to try and get to a clinic.

[The Jenn]

A clinic is absolutely the best place you can be when withdrawal begins in earnest. Absolutely. You'll be in my thoughts all night, luffly.

[Kari Muffin]

I'm happy that you decided to get help, and have supportive friends. I wish you the best of luck with detoxing, and everything else for that matter. Not many people are willing to admit they have a problem, let alone take steps to change.

I have a small bit of advice, since someone I know had an addiction to narcotics and I heard a few horror stories related to her detox. I really suggest going to the hospital if you can't get into a clinic. However, If worst comes to worst and you have someone who can stay with you throughout the ordeal ask them to help you. Things can go wrong, and someone other than you might need to call 911.

<3

[Callypso]

I think that, absolutely, the fact that you made this decision for you and no one else is HUGE. I actually have some experience with addicts in the form of alcoholism. Two of these encounters was within the last year, alone.

One of them was a friend of my housemate. He had just gotten out of an abusive relationship, lost their job, and had no place to live. We took them in (it was supposed to be only a few weeks- it ended up being 6 months) and we were supporting them, financially and emotionally so they could get their life back on track. I knew this person was an alcoholic, but waited for them to see what they would do about, because you can't force help on someone. They seemed to be getting better- the last couple of months they lived with us, they had scored a sweet gig and seemed a lot happier. Then, out of nowhere ( seemingly ) they were drinking heavily, to get to sleep, missing work, got fired, and then didn't come home one night. They had checked themself into an overnight detox clinic. We found out where he was when the friend's dad called my housemate. The next evening, they called my housemate asking for a ride to come " home" .

After a long discussion, my housemate confessed that this was the second time his friend had done this. I was hurt and angry, because I had thought that this was something new, and didn't have all the facts when I let this person into my home ( and there were definitely problems that happened while they stayed). The key factor for me was that the person didn't think they needed help, didn't think that what had happened was a big deal, and expected everything to continue as it had. I told my housemate and boyfriend that we couldn't do this again- we had given this person the space, love, and support, but in the end it didn't matter, because the change has to come from the person with the problem. They both agreed, though we were all sad about our decision.

I realize this story is coming off as maybe harsh or depressing, but that's not the intent. The point is, there is truth to the saying the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. If you can't do that, then there is absolutely nothing anyone or anyplace can do for you. You have to want it.

That all being said, it is sooooo HUGE that you are coming out with this. Absolutely get yourself to a clinic or, as Kari suggested, to a hospital if there are no other alternatives. Detox can be really hard and harmful if not taken done properly. You should definitely be under medical supervision.

I wish you all the best of luck and send you lots of love. It's going to be hard and painful, but keep strong. We have faith in you and will be here waiting. I know you can do it! <3<3