I've needed help for quite a while now...(Update)

[Lauryn de Vampyre]

Thank you guys. I hadn't thought about going to a hospital if I couldn't get into a clinic but now that's exactly what I'll do.

I have no idea how hard this will be, but I'm glad I can admit that I have a huge problem and realize how it's been affecting me and those around me.

I'm also glad I started to wean myself down, even though I'm not sure it'll really matter once withdrawal really hits.

I'm going to my first meeting tonight and if I don't feel comfortable at that one or find anyone willing to help, there are MORE later on tonight to that I'll go to.

Heck, maybe I'll just go to more than one anyway.

I KNOW I have a problem and I'm an addict. I've known for awhile. But I'm finally taking steps to get better. Some of it was my decision (I mean the execution is all my decision), but some of it is also because now that I don't have a job, I have no money to buy more. THANKFULLY.

I need to be off this stuff for good before I have a steady income again. And at least my close friends know. I've told them I'll be continuously checking in with them, just sending them text or phone call updates on a semi-daily basis.

[Bee]

I hope your meeting(s) went well, and continue to do so. <3 Keeping good contact with people is an awesome idea--never ever lose that support system. Including us friendly people on the interwebs. I have little and less experience with addiction, but I do know that nothing exacerbates depression like isolation. *snugs* I'm proud of you for doing what you're doing.

[Harpsdesire]

I'm so glad you are willing and able to get help, and have friends to support you!

I agree that it's a good idea to have someone stay with you as much as possible during the process, just in case you get really sick and even for moral support and hugs, etc.

I admire your bravery in doing what you know you have to, for yourself.

[Lauryn de Vampyre]

God, this is so bad. I've never felt so out of sync with my body before. It's 8:30am and I haven't slept yet because my body just doesn't want to calm down.

My stomach towards the lower end has been so messed up all day, but that part is tolerable. My legs shake because I can't keep them still.

I'm PRAYING I get into the in patient program at this nearby hospital to help with withdrawal. It's making my addiction speak louder to me than ever before.

And I KNOW it's going to get worse. I just wish the program was open today, but it's not because of the holiday.

Going to TRY to sleep, but we'll see.

[Nathalia]

Darling, I am so sorry; I'm glad you were able to smack the conclusion on its damn face and get some help.
Echoing everyone else, it's the best thing you could have done and the strength it took to do it and admit it deserves one Hell of a round of applause.
If you ever need an ear, I might be a bit slow, but feel free to PM me any time.
I hope things improve soon, it's not going to be fun, I watched an aid junkie recover and it'll be awhile before the trees thin, but it will come, of this I'm certain.
If they could detox his system in 5 months, yours should be able to do so and bounce back with more elasticity. <3
Good luck and lots of affection.

~Nathalia

[Lauryn de Vampyre]

Thank you very much everyone.
Having the support of you all keeps me somewhat sane!

Tomorrow I finally run out. Tomorrow I call the detox program. Wish me luck!
I'll post what I know before anything happens so if I have to disappear for about three days I'll give some warning. XD

[Lauryn de Vampyre]

Well, yesterday morning I found out that my insurance doesn't cover the detox/rehab stuff....so I was pretty depressed about that. I had someone trying to help me find state funded places, but I knew that even if they found me one around me the waiting list would probably be long.

So, I just decided to go through it 'all natural'. Yesterday, was so effing horrible. Especially the last night. I was going so very much insane I was close to tearing out my hair. I couldn't stop moving, and I'd only had 4 hours of sleep in the last 35-40. I was SO TIRED but couldn't fall asleep becaues my body kept wanting to move. I was so insanely miserable. It was worse because BEFORE the worst, I felt as though it was getting better. It was like, the most horrible tease.

HOWEVER, I'm so happy to say I ended up getting a LOT of sleep and when I woke up I felt so much better! I was still extremely weak, shaky, horribly dizzy, upset stomach, and a little bit of the restless body syndrome.

But now, THANK GOD, the only thing I'm feeling is a little, tiny bit of the restlessness in my lower back and hips. I am SO VERY GRATEFUL to be past the worst of the withdrawal. It is so wonderful, to feel NORMAL again.

It'll be a struggle to make sure I never ever use again, but that's what the meetings are for!

THANK YOU GUYS FOR BEING HERE FOR ME!

[Lucca]

Wow, Lauryn, I am SO glad to hear that you were able to sleep and woke up feeling better!

That really sucks that your insurance doesn't cover that, though, geez. >/ *hugs!* You can do it, I know you can! We're here for you.

[Kitty]

I already told you before but.... that's definitely wonderful news! I know you can stick with it and kick it for good <3

You can always text me if you need anything.

[Harpsdesire]

So glad you made it through alright! We were all thinking of you and sending love I'm sure. I know I was. <3